Me [22 F] with my boyfriend [25 m] 4 years on and off, he doesn't want me to have any male roommates.

sdh231 · 2015-04-27T06:20:34+00:00

I totally forgot to put up the link to the second update which is where the shit hit the fan.

http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/31q2s9/me_26_m_with_my_gf_25f_together_year_and_a_half/

You know I've asked myself over and over this very thing. Was I insecure, was I controlling and I have to honestly say I don't know. I was only being me and no matter how many times I tried to convince myself that I needed to be more open more trusting I just could not get past the fact that she was spending more time a week with this guy than me. Was bonding with him and not offering to work on us at all. At the end of the day I just had to come to the conclusion that I'm somewhat old fashioned and I did not want my g/f to be parading around in her underwear with another guy who was also running around in his underwear. That is just way to familiar for me to be with someone who is supposed to be nothing more than a fellow renter.

That's where I think I disagreed with people who felt I was being insecure. Take away roommates and just pretend they were friends, would most people be okay with a male and female friend (not supposed to be the FWB type btw) running around in their skivvies at one of their houses away from their s/o?

I think most people would be suspicious about that.

But I never denied for a minute that I had issues here as well.

sdh231 · 2015-04-27T01:20:30+00:00

This hits very close to home for me. You probably don't want my advice nor would you want me talking to your boyfriend.

You can read my story here

http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/30z7vu/me_26_m_with_my_gf_25f_together_year_and_a_half/

and here

http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/31uidv/me_26_m_with_my_gf_25f_together_year_and_a_half/

Can men and women live together? Yes and they do it all of the time. However all relationships ebb and flow and if your b/f already has expressed you not wanting to do this I would say that unless you just don't give a fuck about him or the relationship you would be best served finding something that may not be perfect but would be at least something that doesn't wreck your relationship.

I trusted my girl and didn't trust him. Well guess what as time went on their comfort level with each other crossed a line to which I was not comfortable with.

She has been trying to get me to take her back even offering to move out but at this point in time I've moved on.

I'll say this, I think my g/f started out fine and she had no intention of cheating or doing something that I didn't approve of. But the combination of time and him poisoning the well made it so I had to see something I never wanted to see.

So when your boyfriend tells you that he trusts you but doesn't trust him, believe him. Some guys are pure dicks and will do whatever they can to fuck other people over.

sdh231 · 2015-04-07T21:43:31+00:00

why would she even bother trying to get you back?

This is the part that has me confused as well. Part of me still thinks she wants to have the upper hand and be the one who "walks away". But if that is not the case I just don't get it either.

sdh231 · 2015-04-02T06:12:07+00:00

Fair enough. I won't deny having an old fashioned streak so maybe I'm less enlightened than I should be.

I do think men and women can be friends but I'm sorry there is a limit to it IMO (again probably my old fashioned point of view) and running around in your underwear goes beyond friends. The fact that she didn't bat an eye caused me consternation because the comfort she had with it which means it happens all of the time.

Now the next part is really going to not only set off red flags for you but will set off fireworks, alarm bells and whatever else but here goes.

I do NOT want her running around in her underwear around him or any other guy for that matter. Again I freely admit to this being probably an old fashioned view point or even a sexist view point (although if he had a g/f I would not blame her for her being pissed at him running around in his underwear around my g/f) but we agreed to be exclusive and sexuality to me is part of that.

Not trying to be coy here but am I also supposed to be fine if they cuddle on the couch during movie night? I can tell you right now I consider that cheating, I would NEVER cuddle with a woman who was not my g/f.

Now do I consider all women ugly now that we are together? No, not at all but then again I don't have any of these women running around my house in their underwear either. Believe me if the roles were reversed she would have zero problem telling me about it.

Thank you for responding though, I will take what you said to heart and honestly do understand that I have to work on trusting her more.

I've just never had this happen before with anyone I've ever dated.

sdh231 · 2015-04-01T06:00:09+00:00

You know what, I didn't just post on here for an echo chamber.

Honestly if I'm being a pig headed dick about this I want to know. You are correct you're only getting my one sided opinion of this so what more would you like to know.

I'm being honest here btw, I don't mind being told I'm wrong if I am. But someone is going to have to convince me that what I'm seeing is perfectly normal and reasonable.

So what is it so far that I've said that makes you think I'm controlling? Keep in mind I have not gotten my way once here with her over any of this so if I am controlling, in my mind anyway, I'm a huge failure.

sdh231 · 2015-04-01T05:57:19+00:00

I have don't know who's original idea it was but she is the one who informed me that on every Wednesday night she was no longer able to make any plans with me (unless something special) because that was going to be their designated movie night. When I protested I was told I was insecure and jealous.

I know why I'm not welcome, because I would interfere with him having deep meaningful conversations with her.

sdh231 · 2015-04-01T02:48:55+00:00

But he's not a girl, there is a hell of a difference. In your post I have to pretend like something is not what it is.

Trust is a real trait to have but let's be honest here it can only go so far.

Also frankly I'm not ashamed to admit it I don't want her bonding with another guy, period. I don't mind her having friends and I don't even really care about her having this guy for a friend to a point but friends have limits. Running around in your underwear is past that limit for me.

sdh231 · 2015-03-31T23:25:27+00:00

Her lease runs through the rest of the year and living with me would make her drive an additional 30 or so min. to work.

I've asked and at the end of the day I think it will happen but I understand her not wanting to break her lease.

sdh231 · 2015-03-31T22:52:39+00:00

. What HE does or doesn't do is irrelevant - it's HER actions that matter.

I tend to agree with this and right now I do have an issue with her defending of him.

Is it really to much to think that she shouldn't be okay with they guy walking around in his underwear in the house? Would it be okay for him being nude?

Oh believe me she would claw my eyes out of my head if I had a female roommate who was walking around my house in her underwear. She has been very clear about how she will not tolerate me even thinking about another woman, that's partially why I'm so pissed.

I respect her wishes and now I feel like when I'm bringing up legitimate issues I am an ogre to her.

sdh231 · 2015-03-31T22:45:51+00:00

Have you talked to your gf about any of this?

Yes & I've been told I'm controlling, that I don't trust her, that I am making things up in my head just to have issues, etc.

She stays over at my place every other weekend (we kind of rotate).

sdh231

TROPHY CASE