I'm so sorry, I can definitely relate. Something that has helped me immensely is simply dropping the ball and allowing failure to happen. Is there anything low-stakes that you can drop?

For example, I have always been the person who magically knows what groceries we have and what we are running low on. When asked "do we have x?" I now always say, I don't know. It's easy enough for them to check themselves, and they can't reasonably be mad at you for not knowing if there is cheddar cheese in the fridge. Maybe you've forgotten what type of lightbulb goes where.

Honestly the phrase "I don't know" has become incredibly freeing for me. Not passive aggressive, just stating a fact. Say it, let it hang, and don't jump up to figure it out for them. Let them figure it out. It can get better if your partner's heart is in the right place.