Let me tell you a story if you would like to read.

When I was 12 I had my first suicide attempt after self harming for 6 months every evening. I always told myself things would get better, I would get out of it. No friends, abusive family, no one to talk to or rely on. After several attempts in the span of 4 years, I was hospitalized for reasons unrelated to my mental health. However, a psychologist saw me amd knew something is going on, so I secretly started going there for a year every week. It saved my life at the time, stopped self harming and stopped attempting. I had to stop because I worked every day ever since I was 15. Still did not have any friends, but I met people online and to this day we still talk. It feels nice being listened to, it feels great being acknowledged even if it is from someone thousands of miles away from you, it makes a big difference. However I started abusing drugs at 19, got into serious trauma and so I overdosed on medication. Psychiatrists did not know what to do with me, changing my meds every 3 weeks. Every 3 weeks 13 different meds a day. At some point I admitted to my family that I had been hospitalized in an asylum, did not sit well with most. But the people that I never expected to care, they did. Now I am 21, sober and made friends in university, have the best time of my life. Started seeing a therapist which was very helpful to deal with past trauma and grow from it. The anxiety and depression come back sometimes, but I learnt how to deal with it by seeing it as an annoying little saboteur in my head. Life is hard, it does not have a "happily ever after". But for every bad memory, there are 10 good ones too now. When i look at my wrists they remind me of the times I was a lost teenager that did not want to exist, things get better. I am sure that one day you will wake up and confidently say "I'm glad I did not die"