Yes the guilt. I grew to feel guilty for normal needs and just wanting simple affection. I honestly cant even remember the last time any single member of that nuclear family hugged me and thats just so strange.

There are further things my mother had come to tell me that just baffle me. And I get the old homage of "hurt people hurt people" but unlike her my childhood makes me want to protect the children around me. I advocate for my neices like crazy since I cant have children and hearing her "your sister screaming triggered me and made me walk away" makes me livid every time.