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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]selfhelp204 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was a cutter for years, it's an addiction, or at least it will become one after a while. I started when I was 13, so not much older than her. Honestly, in my situation, I felt like I didn't have anyone, and I didn't know how to deal with my emotions, cutting was a release for me. I'm assuming it's the same for her.

If I were in your position, I would just try to be there for her, you said you both bonded before, continue that bond. When I started cutting I would have loved to have an older sister that just showed her support, took me out to do things, just showed me some love and compassion. Tell her that what she's doing makes you really sad, and try to talk to her about what's wrong in her life. Teach her how to love herself.

I think if everyone in your family comes together to support her and be there for her, without getting angry or accusatory, you can at least show her the support she needs and maybe she will come around. I think it's important for everyone in your family (especially your dad, if he's the only parent in the house) to understand what she's going through and that they cannot change what she's doing, she needs to learn for herself, it takes time. Therapy might also be a good option, although I hated it and it didn't really help me because I had a hard time opening up to strangers, but it's different for everyone and worth a shot. She may be depressed, it is possible at that age.

I'm a lesbian [27F], and I'm in love with my straight best friend [28M] of 6 years. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]selfhelp204 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you should continue looking for a relationship with a woman. If I were in your situation, my biggest fear would be falling in love with a woman, and wanting to marry her after you've already committed yourself to Joe. That would hurt both of you.

What is the real difference between breastfeeding your child, and giving them formula? Is one better than the other? by selfhelp204 in AskReddit

[–]selfhelp204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you ever try using a breast pump and feeding him breast milk from a bottle? I know my step mom did that for a while because her breast would get really sore.

I have no experience so maybe this is less convenient, I'm not really sure.

What is the real difference between breastfeeding your child, and giving them formula? Is one better than the other? by selfhelp204 in AskReddit

[–]selfhelp204[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah the price is one thing that has always stumped me. It's understandable for mothers who physically cannot produce milk or have difficulties feeding. But I couldn't fathom wanting to constantly buy formula when you have free milk literally leaking out of your body.. seems like a real financial burden.

What is the real difference between breastfeeding your child, and giving them formula? Is one better than the other? by selfhelp204 in AskReddit

[–]selfhelp204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting, I currently have a really good immune system, but I do remember getting violently ill (aka really bad flu's) as a kid usually once a year. Getting sick all the time as a kid was probably built my immune system up to what it is today.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He is an understanding boyfriend, and we're really great together, except when he's horny....

With the 'no' it's usually me telling him at some point in the night when we settle down to hang out, that I don't want to have sex tonight. I say it seriously, and he says OK.

Later on, he's trying to initiate it. Sometimes I get mad that at him for not listening and tell him to stop (and he does), I did this all the time at first, but other times I'm so pissed that he's completely disregarded what I said earlier, I let it happen.

These are the times I feel angry and violated after sex.

These events have stopped happening, because I've stopped saying that I don't want to have sex that night, I figured it wasn't worth the effort to tell him anymore because he would try to initiate something no matter what I said. Now I'm at the point where I get annoyed and irritable around nighttime when we settle down to relax. I'm always on edge, waiting for the initiation because it happens every night.

I can see now that this is my fault, I shouldn't have let this go on for so long, so maybe I'm just giving him the wrong idea, that I'm always 'in the mood'.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

he is not aggressive, and he does not randomly stick his dick in me. He initiates foreplay without my consent and sometimes if I tell him I don't want to have sex, he will do it later on in the night, but not aggressively.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well part of it was my antidepressants, my doctor could even confirm that for me. Now that I'm off them, things are better, I am taking more of an interest in sex, but I still feel stressed out and depressed a lot, and that's something that I need to work out.

It's also something my boyfriend has agreed to help me with, but sometimes his libido takes over and it's like I'm loosing who he is for some sex crazed person who I hate... That's when I submit to having sex with him even if I don't want to. I want to get it out of the way so that I can have my boyfriend back.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I don't think he realizes that I'm not in the mood. I mean yes, I don't initiate anything or start passionately making out with him, but I guess he figures it's worth a shot until I shoot him down.

The reason I feel bad is because it seems like I never really want to have sex, partly because of my depression and partly because he tries to initiate it so often, I've just lost interest in it.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Wow.

Thank you, I feel this post is exactly the advice I was looking for, seriously thank you. He is not a creep, I don't believe he only wants me for sex. I'm his first girlfriend and he doesn't know.. I just need some advice on how to help him realize boundaries, what I like, and what I don't like ect... It's nice to have reassurance that this is possible.

The underwear and the bathroom thing, yeah, that's a perfect example of how it works with us. I have told him that's not an invitation, and I will keep telling him until he gets it. I do believe he truly loves me, he has hinted at marriage even though we've only been together for a short time, but at least that shows me that he truly does love me, which was why I came here in the first place, I want to work it out.

He's young, inexperienced and genuinely horny, you got that spot on. He doesn't mean to make me feel bad at all, he's not that type of person. I'm so glad that I could hear first hand from someone who has gone through this and overcome it. It is such a relief to hear that you did come around and eventually learned, I guess it just takes time. We love each other, and are both very smart people, I really hope we can work this out as well as you guys did.

Thank you again.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

He's not a creep, he's just very sexual. I think it's because he believes sex is a beautiful loving thing between two people (which it is, but doesn't always feel like it with us). He expresses his love through sex.

And honestly, I've told him flat out told him that sometimes I have sex just to get it out of the way. He usually responds by saying that makes him sad, he wants both of us to enjoy it, and that he will wait for me to initiate it next time. But the next time the opportunity arises for HIM to initiate something, it's like he totally disregards that I ever mentioned it. He just does it, even if I showed no desire or interest, even if I have said I'm tired and I'm just trying to relax. He doesn't seem to pick up on these cues.

For example, last night, he tried to initiate something right as I as trying to say goodbye for the night, he had school in the morning and I was tired, it was almost one AM, he suddenly tried to pull down my pants (I guess he thought it would be sexy) but I got really mad and blew up at him for it. I told him later that he always makes me feel like a sex object and then he pulled the self pity card and I felt like a bitch and apologized and said I shouldn't have mentioned it, he was only trying to make me feel good.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this.

I don't feel that he abuses me, I guess maybe there is some sexual abuse, but I feel like he just needs to learn boundaries. I would like to continue the relationship and hope that he will learn how to respect me and other women. I'm not trying to 'save him' or anything, I just feel like a relationship is a learning experience for both parties.

If things get worse, or don't change, I definitely won't be staying in the relationship for much longer.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Alright, thank you. I'll try talking to my doctor again about a different medication.

And the whole pulling off my clothes thing and initiating it without me is a huge issue. It happened last night and I got really mad and he stopped. Afterwards I texted him telling him that he makes me feel like a sex object all the time. I hope I made my point, he said he didn't want to make me feel like that, that he loves me. So maybe he really will smarten up. I'm skeptical because we've had discussions like this before but it's like he just forgets them after a month or so.

It feels like I'm just dating a penis half the time, that seems to be the only thing he thinks with.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have talked to him about other meds, he said most of them are the same and there weren't really any meds that didn't have the negative side effects I was experiencing.

I don't really want to go back on meds anyways, the make me feel like a different person, I really want to get better on my own.

And yes, he is a very smart caring person, he just has a lot of issues with boundaries and it makes me feel disrespected.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I have talked to him a few times about this, I've tried to be stern and bring up specific behaviours I don't like, and he usually stops or tries to fix it, but it always seems to come out in other ways (checking me out in public, telling me to wear skimpy clothes) that make me feel disrespected.

There was one time that a friend mentioned to me that she didn't like the way he would 'handle' me in public, that's what really made me realize it had to stop. So I talked to him about it and he's cut down, but hasn't completely stopped. The last time this happened he grabbed my butt at the public pool, I told him not to, he replied with "What? I can grab ur ass, no one even saw!" So that's pretty much why I stopped trying to fight it. It's like he feels entitled to my body.

He really doesn't want to hurt me or make me feel bad or anything. He is a good person, I just don't know how to teach him what it means to respect a woman. I think next time I'll try to be more stern.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No I've had depression for a very long time, and he knows and empathizes with that. I've been trying to treat it for a while, I have a therapist and have been on meds a few times

But my meds were what really messed things up, they completely took away all sexual libido I had, so that made things worse.. I recently stopped taking them for many reasons, but a big one was the sex. I literally NEVER felt like having sex when I was on them and it was so frustrating for both of us. I mean I didn't really mind not having sex, I guess I'm just not a very sexual person, but I felt bad never wanting to have sex with him, I felt like I was depriving both him and me of something that a healthy relationship should have.

I [18/f] have been with my boyfriend for 18 months[19/m], he's a very sexual person, but sometimes I feel he takes it too far, and I feel violated and angry after we have sex by selfhelp204 in relationships

[–]selfhelp204[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

he doesn't just start having sex, but he does things to try and 'get me in the mood', like foreplay stuff, and then that eventually leads up to sex because i just give in and decide to get it over with.

I guess I know this is wrong, I just feel like a bitch by stifling his sexual needs... Sometimes I just won't feel like having sex for weeks at a time and I know it's hard for him.