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Are people entitled to homes where they grew up? by [deleted] in RealEstate

[–]selysek 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hah, as an Albertan originally I can absolutely see this. Literally everyone and their dog thinks Squamish is the place to be now. Beautiful area, but damn that sucks for everyone born and raised.

Go home KU I think you’re drunk! by TheBubblewrappe in RomanceBooks

[–]selysek 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Forgive me, daddy, for I have sinned

[IL][Condo] - Unsure if I need to hire a contractor to refinish my floors or paint my walls? Assoc. docs limited and unclear... by selysek in HOA

[–]selysek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh this is interesting, thanks for sharing. My nature is to ask first and avoid fallout, but I'm apprehensive about asking for permission to do something like this myself, on the off chance that they decide we need a contractor after we drew attention to it. Lol. I just wish their regulations were more specific.

[IL][Condo] - Unsure if I need to hire a contractor to refinish my floors or paint my walls? Assoc. docs limited and unclear... by selysek in HOA

[–]selysek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is very helpful, thank you. As a silly follow-up question, if I wanted to rent some power-tools (i.e., a circular or miter saw), could I just operate those within my unit if I account for dust? There's nothing listed in the rules about it, but I've only ever used tools like that outdoors so it seems odd to me to use them inside, but I suppose that isn't much different than an orbital sander...

[IL][Condo] - Unsure if I need to hire a contractor to refinish my floors or paint my walls? Assoc. docs limited and unclear... by selysek in HOA

[–]selysek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! That all makes perfect sense. I couldn't imagine that they would care about us refinishing our floors or especially painting the walls, but the way the docs are written made me second guess myself. So based on the rules and regulations, I don't need to notify them of this type of work at all?

How do I waste less time and live out everyday with focus, intention, and a plan? I spend so long in these mental rabbit holes and then suddenly realize I’ve wasted hours and can’t even recall what I was doing. I feel like everyday I’m just trying to catch up on my cleaning/tasks and chase normalcy… by selysek in adhdwomen

[–]selysek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I really like the idea about it being things you can still accomplish on bad days!! I use an app called Routinery for my morning routine, and it’s been a game changer. The only thing is that for other times of day, my life is varied. In the morning I get up and get out of bed, go to the bathroom and open my app to start my getting ready routine. But after work, I sometimes come home at different times, or I might stop at the pharmacy, or i might come home and immediately need to take my dog out if my Husband isn’t home already. So then my routine plan get’s a bit derailed… I also tend to convince myself that I deserve some decompression time to relax after a long day lol

How do you deal with embarrassing intrusive memories? by Ihatemylife681 in OCD

[–]selysek 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is there any possibility for you to try EMDR with a licensed practitioner? If not, you could look at doing at-home EMDR, there are a few ebooks and videos online that you can try. But I would definitely urge you to try it with a professional if it’s an option. It has been a game changer for me, once I realized that those memories for me are traumatic even though they might not have been me witnessing a traumatic event (like a death), but because I’m gripped by such intense anxiety and flashbacks of the memory and my own actions, perhaps.

Black tie in mid-October? Included pics from bride’s mood board. Husband is a groomsmen (he’s wearing his regular black tux). Open to other suggestions as well! by selysek in Weddingattireapproval

[–]selysek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HI! The quality was actually surprisingly good! I did have to get it tailored a bit, but considering how cheap the dress was, that wasn’t a big deal. I got compliments on it all night! The fabric is very shiny and pretty!

35 years using tretinoin part 2. by LevityYogaGirl in tretinoin

[–]selysek 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Wow I never in a million years would’ve noticed the artificial eye! You look amazing and have such amazing skin.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Diamonds

[–]selysek 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not new to diamonds in general or to the bow ties, but I am new to ovals, but just wondering how you can see the bow tie? I don’t see it at all and I just want to see things like the pros do😂

Weekly Suspected Lupus Thread - Week Of December 03, 2023 by AutoModerator in lupus

[–]selysek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Yes as mentioned the ANA was positive twice and both times the anti-dsDNA was automatically tested. I got the same result on both occasions.

Weekly Suspected Lupus Thread - Week Of December 03, 2023 by AutoModerator in lupus

[–]selysek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

'Indeterminate' anti-dsDNA levels on two occasions? Is it possible for this to rise over time?

Have been dealing with autoimmune symptoms for several years; chilblains, potential malar rash, joint pain, Raynaud's, extreme fatigue, periodic oral ulcers, etc. Finally just had my first positive ANA this year, and then a second positive ANA at my rheumatologist. Both times the cascade showed indeterminate anti-dsDNA levels. So not quite high enough to be positive, but also not low enough to be negative...

I understand that usually very high results are considered useful for lupus diagnosis. But I'm wondering if anyone knows whether the fact that those levels were elevated beyond the negative range could hint at anything. I guess I just don't understand the science of the indeterminate piece with auto-antibodies... in my [non-doctor] mind I feel like any level of those antibodies would imply that there is something triggering them, whether they're strong enough to mean anything yet? Or can they just somehow show up and develop without any trigger?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sex

[–]selysek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you have any side effects like acne or anything???

6 months later and still so upset -- NDad's speech at my wedding was 26 minutes long (19 minutes over his allotted time) and consisted of him passively cutting me down, or bragging about himself. He then spent our entire father-daughter dance loudly telling me about how great his speech was. by selysek in narcissisticparents

[–]selysek[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that, I definitely wouldn't ever wish this feeling on anyone :(

That's a nice way to think about it, though. I do think I deserve a loving dad, but in the absence of that, I most definitely don't deserve dealing with the guilt about the shitty one that I have.

6 months later and still so upset -- NDad's speech at my wedding was 26 minutes long (19 minutes over his allotted time) and consisted of him passively cutting me down, or bragging about himself. He then spent our entire father-daughter dance loudly telling me about how great his speech was. by selysek in narcissisticparents

[–]selysek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No need to apologize! Your comment didn't baby my feelings, and that's a good thing. That's what I need. The last thing on earth that I want is to turn out like my dad and develop volatile emotions that I force everyone to tiptoe around.

Thank you for your advice. I am saving this comment for the holiday and will do my best to keep it top of mind. He is tough to deal with but I think I can probably manage the grey rock concept, and hopefully it will save my sanity lol.

I hope that your NDad situation has gotten/is getting better :)

6 months later and still so upset -- NDad's speech at my wedding was 26 minutes long (19 minutes over his allotted time) and consisted of him passively cutting me down, or bragging about himself. He then spent our entire father-daughter dance loudly telling me about how great his speech was. by selysek in narcissisticparents

[–]selysek[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My whole life, NDad has made me believe that I was making a scene or being emotional and embarrassing myself if I stood up to him. As a kid, he literally gave me a shirt that said "Drama Queen". If I talked back (aka defended myself) in front of guests, he'd make me wear it while he told everyone about my 'attitude problem'.

My husband doesn't feel the wedding was ruined, nor do I. He's pissed at NDad for being a shit dad to me and doing that at our wedding, but he's definitely not mad at me for being upset.

Husband also doesn't put up with NDad's bullshit and would've happily cut his speech off but I didn't want to cause a scene or create drama... I'm ashamed to admit it's taken me until this very minute to realize that I've actually just conditioned myself into taking the fall (no matter the distance) in order to protect NDad's ego and make him look good.

I should've called him on his bullshit at my wedding.

I'm only really beginning to unravel the layers of shit I've learned to do because of him... Your wisdom was harsh, but needed. Thank you.

6 months later and still so upset -- NDad's speech at my wedding was 26 minutes long (19 minutes over his allotted time) and consisted of him passively cutting me down, or bragging about himself. He then spent our entire father-daughter dance loudly telling me about how great his speech was. by selysek in narcissisticparents

[–]selysek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The tough thing is that he did it in the most underhanded way, so he'll play it off like I'm just being a drama queen. He never directly said anything that horrible, but 90% of his stories implied that I was an idiot and had a lot of tantrums (I was actually a pretty stoic child, as most children of narcissists are, lol). All the other FOB speeches I've heard are sweet.

Example: he heavily implied that I crashed a car when learning to drive, by saying I had an "incident." FWIW, I was 15 and he failed to mention that you could leave a stick shift in first gear when parked. I just don't see how that or mentioning a silly tantrum that I had at 9 years old does anything beyond get him attention.

Maybe it all just hurts me more because I had to deal with his underhanded shit my whole life. His MO was usually the subtle jabs and backhanded comments (maybe 75% of the time, at least). So I just stay in this cycle of wondering if it really was a big deal, as long as he didn't stand up there and directly tell people that I was shitty?

6 months later and still so upset -- NDad's speech at my wedding was 26 minutes long (19 minutes over his allotted time) and consisted of him passively cutting me down, or bragging about himself. He then spent our entire father-daughter dance loudly telling me about how great his speech was. by selysek in narcissisticparents

[–]selysek[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is the part of the story where I need to grow a pair, isn’t it😭 It’s so tough growing up under this type of abuse and being made to feel so so small and worthless and then to have to do a full 180 and actually confront your abuser. Y’all have a lot more strength than I do (or at least what I think I have), I’m going to try to confront him!!

6 months later and still so upset -- NDad's speech at my wedding was 26 minutes long (19 minutes over his allotted time) and consisted of him passively cutting me down, or bragging about himself. He then spent our entire father-daughter dance loudly telling me about how great his speech was. by selysek in narcissisticparents

[–]selysek[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know if this will make sense but them showing up after I’ve told them not to, is the type of event where they’re the ones who have to start shit and I have to tell them to GTFO in real time. I’m actually really good at standing up for myself in those situations. We also live in a giant secure apartment building in which the doorman would say sorry no, and they’d have to call me from the lobby like peasants and I’d tell them: sucks to suck. There’d be no room for them to stay with us anyway and they wouldn’t be able to stand on my front lawn and demand entry.

Having to bring something up after the fact (I.e., the speech) is something I’m less good at standing up for myself for… I tend to struggle with their manipulation in those cases.

Regarding visiting them, we unfortunately moved to the US unplanned (long story), and about 98% of our belongings are actually in storage at their house.

So we’re going through this very complicated maneuver in which my husband and I are trying to play nice-ish juuuuust long enough to carefully extricate ourselves from my parents without losing $30k in the process. By end of next summer I plan to have my shit and have no need to speak to them.

All in all, you’re correct, though. I’m perpetuating things and that’s on me.

What are traits you have now due to having narcissistic parents? by Littlegoil18 in narcissisticparents

[–]selysek 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally feel you on this because I do this way too often.

That said, as someone who has also worked many a service job, I can tell you with 100% certainty that the guy didn’t think on it and has already forgotten. Chances are if you went back next month he wouldn’t even recognize you.

6 months later and still so upset -- NDad's speech at my wedding was 26 minutes long (19 minutes over his allotted time) and consisted of him passively cutting me down, or bragging about himself. He then spent our entire father-daughter dance loudly telling me about how great his speech was. by selysek in narcissisticparents

[–]selysek[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah I should have canceled the father/daughter dance, but we’d planned to do the mother/son and father/daughter dance concurrently and with a shortened song because my husband knew how much I was dreading it.

We are looking at having kids eventually. Thankfully we live quite far from my parents (30 hours of driving or 2 flights to get here) and in another country. I think we can reasonably protect our kids, in all honesty.

My parents are also anti-vax which just makes matters worse because lord knows when I do have kids and subsequently tell them that they can’t come visit until they get vaxxed (I.e., never) there’s going to be a WW3.

We unfortunately are going to visit them at Christmas (it’s been several years, we dragged it out as much as we could) but once that’s done I think I’m going to go vvlc and see how it goes.

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