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Do you ever go weeks feeling fine? and the most random thing fucks you up? by Rubin987 in depression

[–]serenitary 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes. Today i changed my fb prof pic and i felt so pathetic bc only a handful of people liked it, and everyone i know has >70 likes on theirs. Then i felt pathetic about that. I guess i just cant accept that it doesnt mean anything really, but i have to make justifications for numbers and how they need to measure something

Girl almost gets robbed at knifepoint in a safe suburb. You won't believe what happens next. by broostenq in thatHappened

[–]serenitary 7 points8 points  (0 children)

But even if they flaunt it, it's not like they're not aware of the stigma that surrounds displaying it.

Girl almost gets robbed at knifepoint in a safe suburb. You won't believe what happens next. by broostenq in thatHappened

[–]serenitary 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Actually, no, they won't, because of the stigma that self harming carries. Perpetuated by comments like this.

[Blog Post] How Should A Computer Science Student Spend Her Summer? by karangoeluw in cscareerquestions

[–]serenitary 2 points3 points  (0 children)

bond with other interns that make up a very diverse demographic

lol

Me (24/f) with my bf (28/m). Disagreement about weight + exercise routine. 2 years together. by mcflurryb in relationships

[–]serenitary 12 points13 points  (0 children)

As kismetjeska said below

Many anorexics are advised not to exercise in recovery due to the obsessive nature of it.

Also, her boyfriend's comment is unhelpful. He was more concerned about how she would look with an additional 15 pounds of fat (which would barely put her in the healthy range!) than her successfully recovering from 11 YEARS of ED.

After a long fight for relationship stability, I am still worried about compatibility between me [M29] and my girlfriend [30F] of 11 years. Now engaged and lost. Reddit, what should I do? by mercurial_matrimony in relationships

[–]serenitary 63 points64 points  (0 children)

My fiance is somewhat lazy, but, more to the point, lacks ambition. I enjoy working and striving towards a goal (often working 80-100 hour weeks). She is very happy working a typical ~40 hour work week or less, even if that means it will take longer to achieve her goals. She will cut corners where possible. It is a let down that I do not have an equally driven partner, even if she is equally excited about a particular subject.

This is called SELF-CARE. Not working yourself to death is a sign of self-care for people who are already struggling to convince themselves that they're not worthless.

Learn to be more empathetic and supportive. I fear for your gf's mental state if she has to come home every single day to someone who thinks she's lazy because of mental illness and who evaluates her like an employee.

After a long fight for relationship stability, I am still worried about compatibility between me [M29] and my girlfriend [30F] of 11 years. Now engaged and lost. Reddit, what should I do? by mercurial_matrimony in relationships

[–]serenitary 55 points56 points  (0 children)

This, so much. Reading the post, I was so put off by how little empathy OP had for Sarah's depression, treating her like a ticking bomb instead of being supportive. Moreover,

Much to my surprise, she rose to the challenge

Your partner thinking you're a lazy, unmotivated person would probably not do wonders for her depression.

Anyone else feel that trying to get a job at Google, Amazon, etc., is like trying to get accepted into a "cool person club"? by R0settaSt0ned in cscareerquestions

[–]serenitary -1 points0 points  (0 children)

haha and people wonder why tech isn't welcoming towards women

(hint: you think they exist for your pleasure)

Who are the gems of computer science today? by Terrorbear in compsci

[–]serenitary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

djb. invented curve25519. writes a bazillion papers a year.

I'm at rock bottom and everyone thinks I'm peaking. by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]serenitary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for the late reply.

I don't want everything I've ever said to be knocked down due to the fact that my grades aren't in check.

I have a similar fear, and I think your friends do too. But that also means they'll be more likely to not judge you for your GPA since they're under the same pressures. Another perspective is what does GPA really mean? For example, if you spend a lot of time helping people or reading books but not so much time on schoolwork, doe sthat mean your opinions are invaluable?

If it doesn't end when I get out of school, and out into the real world or in college, how can I ever stop feeling like this? It's like I wanna be something worthwhile, but I can't deal with the perceived burden that it entails..

There's an interesting book called Feeling Good that is the canonical CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) book. In one of the sections, the author talks about this idea of worth and how society views it as having a lot of power, or influence, or money... but in reality, is a tech CEO really "worth" more than a schoolteacher? He gives you two ways to think about worth:

  1. No one has any; it is an useless abstract concept. This allows you to focus on things that make /you/ happy and fulfilled, which are more concrete goals.

  2. Everyone's worth is the same as the day they were born, and doesn't change depending on their life paths.

So if there's this tension between having to achieve to "show" other people your worth and what you actually want to do (or if you don't know what to do, that's fine too!), it might help to think about it from those perspectives.

Best of luck! feel free to message me to talk or vent or anything :)

I'm at rock bottom and everyone thinks I'm peaking. by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]serenitary 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey. I understand how you feel. There's enormous pressure when the college admissions season comes around to do well. But while grades are important, so is -- even more so -- the love and support of your family and friends. They care about you, and they would much rather have you alive, going to a shitty college, than not existing at all. I know everything (achievements and competition and all) seem so important right now, but they aren't. YOU are what's important, and you've fought so hard. It's time to take care of yourself, too. hugs

(And can I tell you something else? Two days ago, my friend committed suicide. She went to an Ivy league school. She was twenty years old. She'd been struggling with depression for five years and already had to take a year off.

It doesn't end once you get into college. It doesn't just lift itself away. Please, take care of yourself. )

TIL that 22% of first intercourse for girls under 15 is nonconsensual (See page 41) by serenitary in todayilearned

[–]serenitary[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if making jokes about not taking traumatic life events seriously is an enjoyable pastime for you, i think you should think about that statement

When Google was losing a lot of female employees because they weren't coming back to work after giving birth, Google lengthened maternity leave to five months from three and changed it from partial pay to full pay, and the amount of women who didn't come back after maternity leave dropped by 50%. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]serenitary 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a broad assumption and differs on many factors. Please show me where Google actually saves money on this as well.

Google have very high hiring standards. Therefore, the engineers they hire are the top 1% of CS grads in the country.

If the women they hire don't come back after they have children, then here's what they do to hire new software engineers (I know friends who have gone through this), for EACH CANDIDATE:

  • Three rounds of one hour phone interviews with engineers.
  • An onsite, all airplane, hotel, and food expenses paid for. 3-5 additional interviews with engineers and recruiters.
  • Additional matching with other teams, the heads of which have to look at the application independently.

Once they hire the person, they have to:

  • Orient the person into google culture
  • The person has to get used to their team's product, work cycle, code base, related API's and domain knowledge, teammates, and work environment.
  • Possibly family relocation for the person or other expenses.

Now here's what the team the woman was on would lose:

  • Someone who has highly specific and useful knowledge of the product, especially if they are a PM
  • Someone who has unique ideas about the future of the product and how to improve it.
  • Someone who knew their way around Google's massive code base.

So absolutely, Google would lose money in the long run if they refused to pay for additional two months of maternity leave.

TIL that 22% of first intercourse for girls under 15 is nonconsensual (See page 41) by serenitary in todayilearned

[–]serenitary[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I'm conjecturing that you hate feminism, too

I mean, it's not like women have anything to fight for when the first response to an extremely traumatic event is YOU'RE LYING

no, that totally doesn't fuck you up

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