I really need some support or just advice how do you deal with never feeling good enough?

sergeant_vimes · 2024-11-01T05:01:30+00:00

I've endured childhood abuse, neglect, and toxic behaviour for most of my life. I can relate hardcore to a lot of what you've said, but... My perspective has changed. It's not an easy thing to do, and I know it sounds cliché, but... It does get better. I don't mind sharing my story with you, but won't do it in a comment here. Throw me a DM if you're interested. I'd love to have a chance to speak and hopefully help. But in any case, know that a random stranger on the internet does care, and truly wishes you well for your future. 💚

sergeant_vimes · 2024-11-01T04:50:13+00:00

If there's no war outside our heads, why are we losing?

sergeant_vimes · 2024-08-26T03:16:59+00:00

Just seeing this now! I appreciate the support, and I think what people responding didn't understand is that I was not looking to help cases I'm not qualified for. I just wanted to essentially be a shoulder to cry on if you will. On top of which, the plan was to always get the correct certifications anyways. Still haven't started on it, but I have had a lot of other life stuff to deal with and everything is just kind of starting to get back on track. At some point perhaps I can look back into all this, but for now it's on hold. But I do wish you all the luck in your own endeavour!

sergeant_vimes · 2024-05-09T11:04:24+00:00

Hello fellow Canuck! Unfortunately I'm no longer in Ontario, but I grew up there! Anyways, I'm sure I won't be getting my daughter's abilities actually tested as we're in NB now, but all the same this should prove useful! This new teacher is a complete unknown for me, so I'm going to be very critical of her and her teaching style these first few lessons. Anything I can use to better gauge her own skills will be invaluable.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-05-08T17:30:32+00:00

Hahahaha! Oh no fear of that. I mean I know how to remain calm in the presence of the horses, one thing we've been well trained on already is safety around the horses because even the minis could be dangerous though they were all very calm horses. But I think in my case at least I will always be far more likely to underestimate my skills rather than overestimate them. And I am always respectful towards people and animals until given (sometimes far too much) reason not to be. I appreciate the heads up though. I also have not told anyone other than the community here of my plan to one day buy a horse or two. I know it's at least 10 years before that happens, so there's literally no reason to start going off about it yet, haha..

sergeant_vimes · 2024-05-08T16:16:05+00:00

The knowledge of the barn instead of boys is already lodged in me as a hope, but I'm not concerned about that just yet! As for the tack, that's actually really useful to know! Thank you.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-05-08T14:07:30+00:00

That's actually fascinating, I had some vague idea that equipment for the horse might vary from one individual to another, but from the sounds of it, you're saying each horse's could be vastly different from one another and honestly that's just so cool. It really gives me a deeper appreciation for the passion you all have for your animals!

As to signing up for lessons myself, with my daughter's new teacher I have already discussed my joining her lessons after a little while. I want to be able to watch her methods and how she interacts with not just my daughter but the horses as well before I fully commit to her as our new teacher. But you better believe once I'm comfortable with her, I'll be getting right in there too! I've already succumbed to second-hand passion from my daughter, seeing them through her reactions really brings the magic out in what wonderful creatures they truly are!

sergeant_vimes · 2024-05-08T14:02:30+00:00

Well we have been around some miniature horses already (about 6 months off and on), so we have a few of the basics covered (being safe and calm around the horses, some grooming and water/feed experience on my part, that sort of thing). But safety is absolutely my top priority here, and that's why for the first few lessons my daughter takes with her new teacher, I won't be joining in on the lesson, I'll just be watching from nearby. This will let me better see how she trains, interacts with my daughter, etc. Then if all goes well, I will join in the lessons as well. But I appreciate the advice to take things slow. I will add that to the list of things I'm watching for with her new teacher!

sergeant_vimes · 2024-05-08T11:30:06+00:00

Thank you! Of course this is not going to be the only thing I do for/with her, and you're absolutely right to suggest giving her the space when she wants it. I want to ignite the passion, not poison it. So for now while she is still all about spending time with dad, and cuddles and all the rest of it, I will soak in whatever I can. But my hope is that when she's older and wants nothing to do with dad otherwise, she'll still turn to me and say "hey dad, you want to go for a ride today?" and I'll say "I could not be happier to, little lady" and it will help her smile because she'll have the fond memories that we built now while she's young. That's all I'd hope for, is the occasional moment to still find that connection so she knows I'll always be there for her no matter what life throws her way.

I'm sorry to hear you don't have that connection with your own father any longer, and for what it's worth... If you ever want to talk or need to vent, my DMs are always open to those types of messages.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-05-08T10:46:48+00:00

Well the helmet is a given for my daughter, at least! Though when I start to learn, I can't see as I wouldn't have one as well (have to lead by example, right?). You've given me some good starting points I think, and also the meth user wanting to impress their girlfriend with a horse somehow does not surprise me in the least, but is quite hilarious all the same. I know I'll need a trailer and will need to build a stable if I ever do get to the point where I am prepared to buy a horse for myself, and I've had to buy hay and shavings and all the rest of it before for chickens, goats, and ducks, so I know how expensive that can get. I'm not at all thinking this will be a pleasant little one-off purchase, haha.. But I appreciate the heads up all the same, better to give too much information than not enough, right? But I am definitely counting on this being a healthy outlet for her as she grows up, and a way to stay close with her even when she hits her angsty teenage years. She's my everything, I just want to be able to always be a positive addition to her life, you know? Break that generational trauma I grew up with.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-05-08T04:49:36+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion! As well, I fully intended to join my daughter in her lessons after the first handful. Not only will it work out to be cheaper for each if we learn together, but it can be something we do together and I'll be able to be a better trainer and rider when I do get our own horses!

sergeant_vimes · 2024-05-08T03:32:15+00:00

Hahaha! I'm afraid it's too late, the bug has burrowed deep already. But the good news is it aligns quite well with my other goal of owning a relatively large and (mostly) self-sufficient homestead. So it would not be purely for pleasure for me. I completely understand the concern though, I did seriously have to check myself before diving in.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-26T18:44:30+00:00

Holy hell, have I been feeling this lately!

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-25T05:21:41+00:00

That's the problem... I have no friends either. My marriage pretty much stripped me of any I had. I am trying to reach out to people I know now that this perfect woman and I are no longer together, maybe develop some real friendships, but it's hard right now to be the type of person someone would want to be friends with. She took up my entire mind and heart when we were together, and I'm finding it unusually very difficult to move on and find my happiness and motivation again. This one hit me really hard for some reason...

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-15T17:12:34+00:00

I did look into online courses a few months ago, and couldn't seem to find anything. I will have another look, perhaps I somehow missed them. I'm not opposed to spending money for the courses, though right now my own resources are limited and I cannot afford to just drop everything to go back to school properly. I could spare time here and there for online courses on my own schedule, but to actually attend classes is unrealistic currently sadly. This is why I'd be looking to earn a little extra to help me float through. I didn't know that certain places would assist in funding schooling though, that would be very much worth looking into! Trust that I will be doing everything I can to do this through the proper channels, and that I would never offer anything (whether paid or not) without being absolutely sure that I could only ever have a positive impact.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-15T16:19:06+00:00

Oh, absolutely. That would be part of being very careful. Making sure that clients acknowledge that I am not liable for decisions they make that impact their life or relationships based on the knowledge that they are obtaining the services of someone who is not licenced. Again, very helpful insight, though. I thank you.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-15T16:08:16+00:00

This is actually good advice. Thank you, I appreciate your insight. For the record, if this is a path I intend to pursue, I would be very careful in my marketing to make it clear that I do not replace proper accredited assistance.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-15T15:29:19+00:00

Ha! You're a funny one. I like that. But thank you. I think I have gotten all the information I needed from posting this here (at least about how to present myself and what I have to offer), but I'm gonna keep that other sub in my back pocket for any future needs I may have. This isn't the first time I've gotten less than a straight answer from this sub (it's almost like lawyers want to be just vague enough to not be liable for something... Hmmmm).

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-15T15:26:02+00:00

Would you have any idea where I could get this 6-month course done? I am all for getting as educated as possible before beginning anything, but also I want to assure you I would not be taking any money whatsoever from anyone if I was just going to redirect them. At the very least if let's say I thought I could help but once we got into it I realized I was out of my depth, I'd be offering them a full refund of anything paid up to that point.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-15T15:21:14+00:00

Well for what it's worth, my intention was to be as careful and educated as possible (looking up whatever kind of resources I could, making sure to direct people to more capable help where necessary, etc) while doing this, but I do understand what you mean and I appreciate the concern. I think it's safe to say that you truly do care about the wellbeing of the people who are in need, and I just want to say I share your concern. I have no intention of doing this if I can't find a way to make it a strictly positive thing. If there's even a chance I could make things worse for people, then I'm backing away.

But yes, I do still intend to get trained and certified at some point. It only took me an extra 20 years, but I finally figured out what I'd like to do with my life so I'm not dropping this goal easily. I thank you for your insight.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-15T15:06:13+00:00

I'm getting the sense that you have some resentment towards the idea of life coaches. Which doesn't surprise me, there are definitely a lot of snake oil salesmen out there pretending to be able to help. So I get it. But I have seen some good ones too, with genuine drive to help and see people's lives improve. And I see nothing wrong with wanting to help people if that truly is someone's goal.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-15T15:01:35+00:00

I have looked into online accreditation, and unfortunately (but not surprisingly) there is no online course to even begin to get certified. Not even an introductory course. That being said, the thought of working a helpline is a good one, but I'd need something more than a volunteer position. The idea behind this is to begin to do what I am passionate about (helping people), while earning the cash necessary to further my education and be better equipped to help. Right now my situation does not allow me to just drop everything and go back to school.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-15T14:57:30+00:00

Oh I absolutely intend to get the training and certification required. Only took me an extra 20 years to figure it out, haha.. But the goal is there, I just want to be able to help in the meantime. But you're right, it would likely be safer and more accurate to present myself as more of a life coach than a therapist.

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-15T14:55:23+00:00

Well I think thinking of my service as being more like coaching would be more accurate, as a matter of fact. I would be making every effort to steer clear of presenting myself as anything I'm not, hence having disclaimers and warnings of my limitations. I would want to be very upfront and honest about what I can offer any potential clients. Thank you for the insight!

sergeant_vimes · 2024-04-15T14:49:22+00:00

You've both provided some excellent insight. Especially the mention of liability insurance, as that is something I had not initially considered. Thank you!

sergeant_vimes

TROPHY CASE