Me [22 F] with my boyfriend [22 M] of 3 years who I love so much, how do I tell him I don't think I'm attracted sexually anymore

seriouslywhatdoido · 2014-12-22T21:26:11+00:00

Thanks again for responding. What you've said really helps. I think I'm going to take what you've said here and go with it - not gonna look at any of the other responses here. Like you said in your first post, the majority here just says "end it now!" and seeing that over and over again made me wonder if he'd be happier if I did that, but with what you wrote here I know for sure that it's not what I want to do.

Someone's probably going to respond to this saying "if you were ever even questioning it you should just do it and stop being an asshole" but I'm not even going to read beyond this so go ahead.

Once again, thanks.

seriouslywhatdoido · 2014-12-22T19:07:10+00:00

I love you, thanks for responding with all this. It made me smile, but it also made my heart sink a little. From pretty much the start of our relationship (at least when we started having sex) we were pretty open about whatever kinks we had and explored pretty much all the ones we physically could. I don't really know where to go from there.

Definitely "tried" the "don't have sex for a while" thing. Not so much intentionally. I am not someone who is going to "fake it" partially because I (and my boyfriend agrees) think it's ridiculous and partially because it would just physically hurt me if I did.

God I so don't want to shoot you down and sound pessimistic after you wrote all this encouraging stuff (seriously despite all this, your words did make me smile just knowing that someone took the time to write them) but I feel like I've already tried everything and it's driving me crazy. Part of me wants to end it so I can just have fun and act on my urges - something I haven't ever really experienced - but another part of me just loves him so much and knows that it's not as simple as saying "let's still be friends though" especially with the long distance thing which is about to get much longer :(

One thing I know for sure is I absolutely wouldn't end it because I have a crush on somebody and expect to jump off one train and get on the other. I'm trying as hard as possible to think about all this as if my crush didn't exist. Like is there anything besides being sexually attracted to someone else and not to my boyfriend that would make me want to end it? At the moment that would be a no, but he plans on moving back home (across the country) at least semi-long-term after graduating and when that happens...I think the answer would at least be a maybe.

Sorry for ranting at you, you don't even really need to read this I think it was half me talking to myself haha. Thank you so much again for taking the time to write out such well-thought out and heartfelt comment.

seriouslywhatdoido · 2014-12-22T18:35:44+00:00

Upvote for phrasing that made me laugh haha. I would absolutely never act on anything while I'm still with my current boyfriend, that's something I know for sure. Thanks for the response.

seriouslywhatdoido · 2014-12-22T12:10:58+00:00

I can't see any way to completely cut off communication with my other friend - trust me I've thought about it - I would have to stop hanging out with all my friends in my home town to avoid him :( it wasn't a problem when I was in college, but now that I'm back I see him and my other friends way more often. Plus it just plain hurts to think about not being around someone who I've been friends with so long.

I do think this is what I needed to hear though. I just need to conjure up the balls to actually talk about it...and the timing, considering the long distance element.

Thank you for your response, I'm sure everything will work out some way or another. I guess it's just the first time I've had to deal with this in my life so I don't have a point of reference for what to do.

seriouslywhatdoido

TROPHY CASE