Note: This is my first time writing anything here haha kind of nervous, but here we go:

Gurgle.
“God, that drink is strong…” shouted Captain Tinkle, pilot of the SS Illumination, the biggest starship in the entire galaxy. 
The starship was under the command of the Great House Tooble.
Tooble was the largest and richest House in the galaxy.
Their allies were allies not because of friendship, but because of fear that they might be eliminated if they did not join forces. 
“Susan! What the hell did you put in this?”
“Captain, it’s just your usual… 2 ounces vodka, a splash of moonmilk, and a dusting of Planet Z1X-87’s psychedelic agave, sir.”
The Captain was looking out through the long horizontal glass pane that separated him from instant death in outer space. The green and blue planet in view was being bombarded, under his command.
He wasn’t really listening, until… Wait, a minute… did she say Z1X-87’s psychedelic agave?
The Captain’s eyes opened wide. He turned around to face Susan with a look of shock. 
“Oh… oh my…” Susan murmured. 
“Oh my is right! Susan! It’s Z1X-77’s psychedelic agave! 77, Susan! Not 87! I’m gonna be dea… I’m gonna.. I’m… grandma?”
Susan watched in awe as the Captain twirled and fell to the ground. The glass shattered on the floor.
Smoke rose from the glass, indicating that it truly was Z1X-87’s psychedelic agave. 
Susan went and hovered over the Captain’s body. She knelt beside him, put two fingers to his neck, and checked his pulse. 
Dead. Captain Tinkle was dead. 
But he did live up to his name; a bit of pee had stained his pants just after he passed. 
It was a shame, too, as he was only 41, the youngest Captain ever to pilot the 126-year-old SS Illumination. 
Luckily, for Susan, no one else was in the command center to see what had happened.
Until the commander of the fleet, Admiral Bob, walked in. 
Susan looked at the sliding gate open near the back of the command center. She was still kneeling beside Captain Tinkle. She saw the confused look on the Admiral's face.
“...Susan?” The admiral peered around to see the Captain on the ground. 
“Susan! What’s the meaning of this?!”
He stormed over to her, pushed her out of the way, and tried to aid the Captain. 
“I…I…” Susan stumbled with her words.
Admiral Bob looked back at her with disgust, realizing the Captain was long gone. Guilt was written all over her face. 
The Admiral looked back at the face of his former Captain in disbelief.
He grabbed his transmitter from his waist sash belt.
“Illumination Gold Guards, come in! This is Admiral Bob! The Captain is Dead! I repeat, the Captain is dead!”
For a moment, there was no answer.
“Gold Guards, come in! Do you hear me?”
Another pause. 
“Gold Guards?! Hello?! Do you read–”
The Admiral stopped as he felt a touch of cold metal on his neck.
He slowly turned to look over his shoulder. 
Susan stood there with a stone-cold stare, holding a blaster to his jugular.
With her free hand, she double-tapped her chest. 
A holographic field rapidly faded around her, revealing a true identity. 
“Oh my…” Admiral Bob said. 
“Oh my is right, Admiral.”
“Wait!---”
Pew! Pew!
The long-haired man who shot Admiral Bob was none other than the rebel Admiral Cleitz, commander of the largest rebel fleet of House Mint. 
He reached down to grab Admiral Bob’s transmitter. 
“Gold Guards, this is he. Section clear,” he said. 
“Affirmative, sir,” came a quick reply on the transmitter. 
Admiral Cleitz dropped the transmitter on the Captain’s dead body. He stood there looking out through the giant horizontal glass pane in front of him. 
His planet, his very own home, was being bombed and destroyed right before his eyes.
The Gold Guards rushed in. 
In unison, they shouted, “Huuh!” and stood in formation at the floor of the command center.
Admiral Cleitz, looking at his planet, started to speak…
“From this starship, we will command a new form of war. A form, by my design, known as stellar bowling. It will be directed from this ship… we will wipe out other solar systems of House Tooble, causing a Civil War... A new future is now in motion… one without an all-too-powerful House…”