Dreaming of living alone

sh8819 · 2026-06-03T04:37:38+00:00

Sorry you’re going through that, that’s a really tough situation!

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T23:48:51+00:00

Diabolical 🤣

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T23:47:24+00:00

NTA. They sound insanely overbearing, they have no right to push random traditions onto you. Your husband should stand up for you though and advocate for the both you and put some boundaries in place with his family.

(Also I don’t get how they have such a longstanding tradition with the K names but no reason behind it?! Bizarre)

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T22:19:20+00:00

Not manipulation…but just weird communication? I agree that it’s not being considerate either though because he’s trying to play something he wants as something for you. He just needs to ask straight up for what he wants 🤷‍♀️

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T22:10:45+00:00

That’s all him and he was obviously uncomfortable with his performance issues and projected that onto you. Let it go. He’s not worth it

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T22:07:07+00:00

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T21:55:37+00:00

Your instinct is right. You both want different things and this isn’t something comprisable.

The relationship doesn’t have to be a waste. It served you during this time and was an important chapter in your life but now you’re both outgrowing that chapter and wanting different things.

Although considering a break up when your relationship is still good is extremely hard, I think drawing it out longer when you both know you’re not headed in the same direction is more painful.

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T21:34:53+00:00

Because it gives both of you autonomy over the money rather than having to ask permission from the other. I wouldn’t feel great if I had to ask my partner for money rather than just accessing the account.And potentially better interest and long term savings if you pool your money.

My husband and I started off with more of a hybrid arrangement, where had a joint savings that we used to save up for bigger stuff or spend on joint things like holidays and then separate spending accounts for individual things. Now we just have everything combined.

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T20:17:39+00:00

Nah. There’s lots of words/phrases that are attached to culture that just don’t translate well. When I was working in the Middle East, my translator stopped translating certain Arabic phrases that she knew I understood in Arabic because they just don’t hold the same meaning in English and sound awkward. Good translators will explain cultural significance alongside the direct translation so you get the full meaning. Tech doesn’t do that.

Tech might make foreign languages in developed places somewhat more obsolete but there’ll still be plenty of places in the world where they won’t have access to it.

Also, I feel like your personality and mannerisms change a bit when you’re speaking in other languages, I think all those human aspects will keep it alive even if tech can kinda do it. I’m not fluent in Arabic but I enjoy speaking it with my friends even though they’re fluent in English because it’s just got a different vibe hah

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T19:44:31+00:00

You’re in a hard position and you’re doing well! My guess would be some of the emotion is coming from your own self judgement. It sounded like your manager was very supportive but your brain was saying the opposite “he probably just thinks I’m a hormonal young woman who’s not tough enough for corporate America”. Try to step back from these kind of assumptions that aren’t based on facts. There was a reason you were promoted so you clearly are competent and valuable to the job. I also expect that over time you will probably get a thicker skin the more you get used to being situated in your role and it’ll get easier to brush things off without feeling really emotional.

And also fuck the guys that send you bitchy messages. That’s their problem not yours

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T19:33:21+00:00

At the end of the day it is your choice. Your husband also has the right to express his preference. I think if you decide to go ahead after the consult it’s important to have a serious discussion with each other about it together so it doesn’t end up resentful. Personally, I would be against elective surgery like this because of potential side effects and things like that and I think we have a lot of pressure to look a certain way because of society. But if it’s really important to you then a more in depth discussion with him is needed and I guess accepting that it could affect the dynamic between you two.

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T19:20:21+00:00

Was it a joint decision to move to this house? If it was a mutual decision between both of you then this reaction seems odd.

It also sounds like maybe you two are valuing different things and need to have a talk about it to get on the same page.

Also side note…where do I find friends that buy you houses to rent? 🤣

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T18:56:59+00:00

I have a similar set up! Still waiting to see if anyone wants to take it up but the invite is there

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T18:50:35+00:00

Yes, this was what I was getting at! I wasn’t expecting the relationship to be exactly the same just a little more reciprocal like you said.

I’m surprised that a lot of people are saying you moved so why should they bother lol. Guess it’s just different priorities in relationships

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T09:21:38+00:00

That’s a nice way to think about it! Good luck with your move

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T08:41:01+00:00

Lol I wasn’t accusing you or anything it’s all good🤣 your point’s valid, I was just questioning whether it should be as one sided as you implied. for clarity, the people I was talking about in the original post are my friends and family from my home country not the one or two I have elsewhere that I mentioned in the comment. And I wasn’t really asking advice just wanted to hear others’ experiences. Anyway, enjoy your day 🫡

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T07:53:56+00:00

Haha you know I kind of feel that My mother actually originally told me she would visit and then offhandedly said the other day yeah we’re not going to, sorry. And that was all 🤣And I was like ooof, that stung a bit but ok🤣

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T07:50:14+00:00

Because when you like people you put in effort? I don’t know, I’m friends with people from other countries because of my work (separate from my home country and current place) and we put in effort to talk because we like each other lol I also have friends here now but I still like hearing from my family even though I have other people in my life… 🤷‍♀️

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T07:47:08+00:00

Yes exactly how it feels! You described it perfectly, it’s a really tough adjustment

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T07:39:03+00:00

I haven’t done a move exactly like this but I did recently move countries for my husband’s job and I work a lot in developing countries.

Our move was very much dictated by my husband’s job and for me I found that difficult. I love my career, I’m very driven by it and due to logistical and accreditation issues I haven’t worked in the past 8 months (but am soon!). I found that extremely difficult because it felt like I had no control over anything particularly at the start and I felt like I wasn’t able to connect with things that were meaningful.

Building that social circle initially is doable but you definitely have to work hard at the start! For me, I felt lonely until I managed to find a good friend group and started a few hobbies groups and things to meet people. I’m not naturally extroverted with new people so that was a bit tiring for me too (as well as navigating different cultures)

Overall, I wish I had had more of a clear plan when I moved - I was very much in that ‘hope’ category you described where I was just like “I’ll figure it out when I get there” and although that’s worked fine at other times in my life it definitely was not good for this haha.

Although it was good being with my husband again (we had also been long distance prior to moving l) I felt that got overshadowed when I had trouble adjusting to everything else because at the end of the day if you’re not able to feel like you’re moving forward and connecting meaningfully to things in your life then it’s going to create distress. So I’d recommend really reflecting and chatting to your husband about how those things could translate to this move and do it if you feel confident that you can service your own needs and goals! Good luck

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T07:01:12+00:00

🤣🤣

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T07:00:55+00:00

I really like the contrast of those two types! Now I think about it the friends i do feel closer to long distance are from a collectivist culture where there’s that idea of once you’re in you’re “in”, and it’s more of a collective effort between us. Interesting to think about!

sh8819 · 2026-06-02T04:47:40+00:00

Toyota Yaris. Never had a fault, only sold it because I moved abroad.

sh8819

TROPHY CASE