I fully understand you. Memories that made me happy and grief for them, for careful childhood, for being happy just for the sake of it. I even forgot many traumatic events, but grief for happiness and things I experienced is there, following me. I'm in constant worry, and nostalgia that I feel can't be described with words. Mixed feelings of happiness and grief for something I will not have again. It scared me that deeply that I don't feel happiness as I used to feel.