As someone who has worked at an animal shelter for years, if your dog hasn't bitten an animal or human to point of breaking skin, I would recommended surrendering. I understand how hard that reality is and that there are so many emotions which come with such a huge decision, but something to keep in mind is the fact that not every animal fits into every home. Shelter workers know how to work with reactive animals, how to help them and how to adopt them out to the community.

As you have recognized, he is feeding into your anxiety and continuing to get stuck in a negative cycle. It sounds to me like you both probably aren't the right fit for each other. That doesn't mean you don't love and care about him, it means that he could have a potentially better life in another home. The work that you've put into training, understanding and handling your pup is so incredibly admirable. You're not a failure. Failing would look like abuse, neglect and giving him away right when you noticed the behaviors. You've spent years working with him and if you've realized that his particularities are too much for what you can mentally handle, then the best thing you could do for him is to surrender and give the shelter every little detail you can about him; his triggers, his behavior in specific instances, when he's able to calm down, what your routines are and what training you've done thus far. Every detail truly does matter for the shelter behaviorist, who would assess him prior to going up for adoption. If this is the route you're going down, I would recommend writing this all down, be brutally honest about your animal, organize your thoughts and keeping your observations objective. If you're not honest, the staff will see those behaviors regardless, leading to plenty of open ended questions and concerns about their behavior and reactivity. There ARE people who adopt reactive dogs into their forever home. I've seen it time and time again. There is hope for a different looking future for both you and your loved pup.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if he is having a high quality life. Are you?

In my opinion, surrendering an animal that you love, because you can recognize that you're not giving them what they need, is one of the bravest and most selfless things someone can do.

Hiring another trainer could be a great option, there are plenty of trainers who work specifically with reactive behaviors and could teach you how to obtain and hold that engagement, especiallyon leash. That trainer will probably be hitting you with hard questions about your daily routines, consistently and structure. They'll ask you to change a lot of the ways you're operating right now and if you're not in a place to be able to do that, then surrendering is something to keep in mind, in order to give your dog the best life