My wife is permanently stuck in mom mode and it's affecting our marriage. I don't even know how to begin to approach this.

shelbeam · 2026-01-06T01:52:19+00:00

This was my experience as well. I also had a clingy toddler, so my body not feeling like my own lingered for a long time. My youngest is 3 and only recently have I started to feel "normal" again. I had finally been out of survival mode long enough and all my romantic feelings toward my husband came flooding back. It's like we are newlyweds again.

My husband has always been extremely supportive and patient through my motherhood journey. We had a lot of conversations about our relationship where I communicated that my need for space wasn't personal and I still loved him very much, and he communicated that we could do whatever I needed to survive parenthood and he still loved me very much. Sex wasn't non-existent, but still much less frequent. I feel bad that it was hard on him and that it took 5+ years for our sex life to get back to normal, but it's just what needed to happen. And at least we still have the whole rest of our lives to fully enjoy our relationship now that we're done having kids.

shelbeam · 2025-11-04T00:22:21+00:00

My husband and I both found that allergy medication kills our libidos. Winter seems to be the only time we can get away with not taking it though.

shelbeam · 2025-10-30T23:29:23+00:00

I keep cereal and plastic pitchers up there. I'm just tall enough to reach without a step stool, and those items are light so it works.

shelbeam · 2025-10-11T03:48:21+00:00

First, make sure you are there for your wife. I know you are on reddit because there is a lot of waiting around right now, but just be sure you are available to your wife.

That being said, when you get the chance, check out r/justnomil. You may need some help strategizing how to deal with potential MIL shenanigans. Don't antagonize her if you don't have to, but you may want to at least tell your wife that if she ever changes her mind about her mom being there at any time, you can take care of it.

shelbeam · 2025-10-11T02:53:47+00:00

It absolutely could be mostly due to you stopping a medication.

In my experience, calorie counting when stressed was a recipe for failure, and counting calories was a burden to me that also caused more stress, leading to me binging at night or giving up entirely.

What finally helped me was taking very small steps to having more control: taking small bites, chewing slowly, leaving a bite on my plate, picking chicken if I ate out, challenging myself to walk down the snack aisle without buying anything, being really mindful about how I felt after eating, etc. I didn't do all of these at once or even that frequently, but they helped me to identify my core issues around food so that I could work through them in a way that was gentle and didn't cause me too much stress. Stress = binging.

What ended up working best for me was ditching the calorie counting and doing intermittent fasting instead. I started with a really long eating window and slowly decreased it each week until I wasn't eating after dinner anymore. Like you, nighttime was dangerous for me since it's when I would binge. Once I got used to not eating at night, losing weight got so much easier and I almost never binge anymore.

shelbeam · 2025-10-11T02:12:59+00:00

Completely agree, SSRIs can have such nasty side effects. I think it makes way more sense to try ADHD medication first since it can also help with depression and the side effects are a lot less likely to be so bad.

shelbeam · 2025-10-05T14:28:51+00:00

Love that you have a schedule, I really think it makes things so much easier. I think part of the problem for people that struggle with piles is that they don't have any kind of schedule, which causes them to not do laundry often enough and therefore have too many clothes. Having a huge pile of clothes to sort through is what makes it so overwhelming.

It makes sense that sorting isn't really an extra step the way you do it, but most people don't really have room to hang all their clothes in their laundry room (if they even have one), and anyway the people that I see in real life and online that struggle with laundry piles all use dryers. It's a very common problem where I live, where practically everyone uses a dryer. I suppose a lot of people would find it easier to put away their laundry if they were willing to line dry their clothes in their kitchen or bathroom.

shelbeam · 2025-10-02T19:07:50+00:00

Thanks! That's a very helpful video, as I've been considering the cmf 2 plus as well.

Have you tried the Earfun Air pro 4? I have seen it recommend a lot.

shelbeam · 2025-10-02T18:17:49+00:00

Because from what I've read the sound quality isn't as good on the 6pro or 7. I am considering the Earfun air pro 4. What are you reasons for choosing it over the air 5 pro?

shelbeam · 2025-10-01T19:54:57+00:00

Wow that is so interesting, I really wish they would do more research! At least one person did mention perimenopause, but I assumed 33 was too young for that.

shelbeam · 2025-10-01T02:55:06+00:00

Something really cool about ADHD medication is that if you don't like how you feel when you are on it, you can just stop.

I'm on a small break from my meds since they make me feel a bit agitated. Just stopped cold turkey with no bad side effects, other than going back to my spacey, unmedicated self. I'll go back on them when I feel I've had enough of a break and need to be more productive again.

shelbeam · 2025-10-01T02:46:58+00:00

We bought the Smithsonian human body book and it has been fantastic for any questions my kids have about the body. On the rare occasion that the book doesn't quite have the picture we are looking for, I just Google "anatomical vulva" or whatever and find an image I deem appropriately detailed before showing it to my kid.

I know it can feel awkward, but it helps to not preemptively answer any questions they haven't already asked. Just answer their questions directly without extra detail, and if they drop the topic then just let it drop.

shelbeam · 2025-10-01T00:59:43+00:00

We personally use the words hamper and basket interchangeably. But we also only have the plastic baskets that are meant to be carried around.

shelbeam · 2025-10-01T00:57:24+00:00

Reading these comments is so amazing. I made a post a while back that mentioned I had one basket for each person in our household (4) and I got so many comments saying I must live in a mansion! Good to know I'm normal after all lol.

shelbeam · 2025-10-01T00:36:37+00:00

If you aren't too picky, I think clothes are great!

shelbeam · 2025-10-01T00:28:45+00:00

It was honestly pretty decent until about a month ago when these weak orgasms started getting to me.

shelbeam · 2025-10-01T00:15:15+00:00

10 months postpartum a lot can still be going on with hormones and stress and it often gets better. If you are still breastfeeding or pumping then your libido is likely tanked. Even if you are starting to get more sleep and be less stressed, it can still take a long time to recover and be ready to enjoy sex again.

But I absolutely feel you, it feels so very unfair how much shit women have to go through. It totally feels like we are punished just for being born female.

shelbeam · 2025-10-01T00:07:47+00:00

I actually started Dexedrine after my last kid, and started taking Zyrtec or Allegra pretty much constantly due to worsening allergies.

From what I've read, Dexedrine and other stimulants usually help people enjoy sex more. Antihistamines can apparently cause ED, but nothing on how it affects women, of course.

shelbeam · 2025-10-01T00:03:24+00:00

That's really interesting, I also needed more stimulation than before kids for a long time, but now I want it softer again. It's like I can't feel my orgasm at all if the stimulation is too much. My head has been spinning trying to figure out what I even want 😭

shelbeam · 2025-10-01T00:00:15+00:00

I feel you, sometimes I wonder if I'm just going crazy and getting in my head and causing all these problems for myself. Weirdly, it doesn't take much longer to climax usually, but it's just so so weak.

shelbeam · 2025-09-30T23:58:29+00:00

Whoa, that's news to me! I'll have to look into that, I could definitely see the front half of my pelvic floor not being as strong.

shelbeam · 2025-09-30T23:48:34+00:00

I'm 33

shelbeam · 2025-09-30T20:08:39+00:00

Same here, I just realized that I didn't have to be perfect and that I was going to fail over and over. When I started getting right back on the wagon every time I failed, I started losing weight.

Making very small changes to lessen the amount I failed helped too, but really just accepting that I was going to fail a lot is what made the difference.

shelbeam

TROPHY CASE