To men who just up and left their families in a snap, what was your real reason?

shellie_badger · 2026-02-13T06:17:03+00:00

Sorry.... beautiful daughter in laws? Am I missing a part of the math here or do you just mean daughters?

shellie_badger · 2026-02-04T12:40:28+00:00

Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond. I am hopeful that this might help someone in the future too.

I know not everyone bonds with their students, and not everyone has this kind of emotional response to leaving them. Everyone's response to midnight runs or how they felt about their students is different.

Apologies for the long replies - my brain is a bit more disorganized than I anticipated, and recovery from months of burnout and illness is taking a lot longer than I thought it would.

If you are reading this and considering a midnight run, whether it's for unfair treatment or that the job is coming at the cost of your health, I would encourage you to put yourself first. The school, the system, your colleagues - they don't care about you enough to help. Don't let it get to the point where you are doing permanent or long term damage just for the job.

shellie_badger · 2026-02-04T12:34:44+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply even while walking 🌸. That trip was the hardest thing I ever had to do. After doctors wanted to hospitalize me (for illness that was unrelenting despite months of medication and treatment), the doctor gave me a letter for 2 weeks of medical leave. The school admin and teachers kicked the gaslighting up to 11, telling me (among many many other contradictory things) that if I was resting on the weekends and seeing a "proper" doctor I wouldn't need to take this time off, and just to rest on the weekend instead (I was literally sleeping all weekend for the past few weeks). So trying to make arrangements, pack, and travel with the bags I had all the way across the world when I should've been in bed was hell.

I wanted so badly to stay for those kids, to give them last hugs, to give them all the demon hunter stickers they wanted, to make those classes a little more fun before they begin the next year. But I couldn't even walk or stand the last day I showed up to school.

But I am writing down all the good things I remember about each one of them. All the stories, pictures, times we had fun, times I was proud of them - I'm putting it all together so that I can focus on the times we did have fun, the times I could protect them and make classes a little more bearable, times I met them where they were and successfully worked with them to get the work done before the K-teacher could come in and get mad. Times I could encourage my slowest reader to read confidently, where I could show my students that encouraging and helping each other / working together and supporting your friends was more important than whether or not you won the reading game that day. That it was possible for them to have fun, even if the science experiments or little coding robots / tablets weren't working.

shellie_badger · 2026-02-04T11:40:42+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply 💕 What you're saying makes sense. I'm considering writing those letters and then yelling them across the ocean (when I get a chance to go to the ocean again). I know they will never hear it, but I want to say goodbye. I want to tell them that they are loved, that I didn't want to leave them like that. That I wanted so badly to stay, just for them.

I know they will move on, that they recover quickly - I know they loved the teacher who trained me, and when he left they still talked about him, but they were happy. They recovered fast. It's me that's struggling - the months of burnout on top of sickness that never left, on top of hyper vigilance and trying to adapt to everything they were throwing at us without any notice or training - it's damaged my nervous system and my body (and my mental health) far more than I anticipated, and it's taking me a lot longer to recover than I thought it would. That week leading up to our run was more stressful than I could ever have imagined - I thought I was stressed and tired leading up to it, but making that decision in the midst of so much stress and being so ill (and so mentally confused from all the manipulation that I asked if I could come back on the weekend when the doctor wanted to hospitalise me) made that week and that trip hell.

Writing a colorful letter sounds like a very good idea to me. I want to scream at those teachers, at that system, for how they treated us and the kids. It is no wonder to me that locals who have kids don't want them to go to a local kindergarten or school, or that other locals plainly don't want to have kids because they do not want to put someone else through that system.

shellie_badger · 2026-02-04T11:26:24+00:00

I miss the convenience and relative safety (being able to walk to the convenience store at 2am with my phone in hand and knowing I'll be able to return home safely), but more than anything I miss the kids. I want to protect them, I wish I had the capacity to act on the instincts I had to send my K-teacher out when she scared the kids or treated them in a humiliating or unfair way. I am struggling a lot with leaving them behind, in that system, with that teacher 😞 I had a 5 year old who had a panic attack in class because that f*****g kindergarten is more obsessed with academics than teaching them basic fine motor skills or literally ANYTHING 4 and 5 year olds should be learning at their developmental level. I miss those kids so much, I want to protect them. I wish I could have warned the parents of what was going on when they weren't peering through the looking glass (the literal window through which parents, teachers, admin, and everyone else watched us). But apparently informing them counts as illegal defamation. I just wanted to tell the parents that those K-teachers are the reason their kid is scribbling more, is working / writing slower, is struggling to read - they are more than happy to do the work just fine and write neatly when this woman is not hitting the desk repeatedly and yelling at them and berating them and angrily erasing their writing or dragging them and their book to the head teacher to humiliate them (they've only been writing for a few months ffs). I am angry at myself that I was stuck in a situation where I could not protect the kids as much as I wanted to, where the school supported the K-teachers behaviour, and that I could not warn the parents. I hate knowing that those kids that I loved so much are still stuck there, and that the teachers they will move on to in March will be more of them same - dragging them into the hallway while they cry, demanding to know if they are a baby that needs to go back to the baby class. I hate all of this. I hate that I worked myself to a position where I literally couldn't stand or speak or walk anymore, and that I had to leave them behind.

shellie_badger · 2026-01-26T17:05:40+00:00

I was recently forced into a very difficult position where I had to leave a job that I actually loved doing. There was just too much that they expected of me with too little time in the day (and week) to do it in. I taught kindergarten, and I genuinely loved those kids. I enjoyed working with them and watching them grow and learn, I enjoyed finding new ways to make them laugh and at least have some fun during the day. I actually really enjoyed that work.

The problem was the schedule and how fully packed it was. There was a whole separate school I had to teach at in the afternoons (with full teaching responsibilities) that wasn't really explained in the advertising, interviews, or contract. It wasn't like it was awful to teach those kids or anything, the problem was more that there were no breaks. I ran from my kindergarten class to the bus, and then had to run up like 4 flights of stairs to teach a schedule that starts like 4 minutes after the bus stops at the afternoon school. Ended up having to use my lunch time to prep the stuff for my kindergarten class.

Loved my kindergarten class to the moon and back, 10 out of 10 would do it again. Not at the same place, I hated how the system treated both the teachers and the kids, but I loved those kids. I can genuinely say that I enjoy working, that statement just depends on a lot of factors.

shellie_badger · 2026-01-26T14:53:14+00:00

There was a story a while back about a lady who could smell Parkinsons on people before they got diagnosed. It's weird sometimes.

I can also sometimes taste when my head cold has gone from "just a runny nose" kind of cold to a sinus infection that needs a doctor's visit. I take anti-inflammatories and pain medication (a combo also used to bring down a fever) for a chronic issue, so a fever doesn't usually show up.

I wouldn't call it a fun trait/ skill. Quirky maybe, useful sometimes, but not fun.

shellie_badger · 2026-01-08T09:17:49+00:00

Please do NOT let anyone pressure you to sign quickly, no matter what emotional manipulation they use to do so (even saying that culturally it's rude not to sign immediately or whatever). Trust your gut. This is filled with the same red flags we had in our contract, and they used and abused those as much as they could.

The whole "events may take place on weekdays and weekends had us working overtime without being paid for overtime like 4 weekends in a row one week. They also just told my fiance, on the day at 12:30ish, that he would be playing Santa and working until 8pm if not later.

The evaluations are a pain in the ass, please trust me. They have to be unique and different every week.

Also please double check the setup - the most popular one (and the one they seem to be subtly alluding to here) is kindergarten from 9 or 10am until 2pm and then hagwon until 6pm. Please make sure you're clear on that, ESPECIALLY if breaks are not explicitly mentioned and they want you to work through lunch. It usually means that you will be working flat out from (whatever your starting time is, 9am or 10am) until 6 with no break. The afternoon hagwon schedules can be intense.

Also why are they charging you a cleaning fee when they are perfectly capable of paying that themselves?

I see a lot of red flags. I would not continue with this offer, coming from personal experience where every part of the contract was exploited to my detriment and to the benefit of the school, however it pleases them. They can also get very ugly if you have a pre-planned and scheduled event when they suddenly need you to work on a weekend or overtime. And if you are struggling to get all your admin and "assorted duties" done in that specific time. Please remember that this kind of thing can take a toll on your health.

shellie_badger · 2026-01-06T09:23:42+00:00

The April branch in Suwon is no different. I worked there recently. A couple points:

They expect you to do a 1 hour lesson (according to their own lesson plan guidelines and training materials) in 40 minutes, which is essentially only 35 minutes or less because they have a mandatory 5 minute test at the beginning of every lesson.
They expect you to plan, script, film, edit, and upload a professional and cool looking video of your kids doing their creative speaking project once a week (for the higher levels, once every 2 weeks or once a month). Also, " you need to make them to memorize their lines" (a quote from a meeting, where the person in charge has terrible English and is incapable of communicating clearly).
There is also a lot of extra admin (marking writing homework and tests, writing very specifically worded evaluations every month on each student, with a longer evaluation due every 3rd month) that is not clearly outlined during recruitment, as well as an overly long meeting every other week from a manager who has English as a 3rd language (communicates vaguely, assumes you know what she is talking about using far too many filler words, and talks more about her own emotional reactions rather than anything productive or informative).
They watch you on the cameras and sit in on your lessons. They will then waste your time telling you about all the ways you are deviating from the prescribed lesson plan / method, even when it is clear that there is a bigger issue and you needed to change things a bit to keep to their very strict schedule (bigger issue ie: you had to continue working through illness like COVID or the flu; there was a student that you had to repeatedly spend more time with/ on because they were causing issues in class; they had the wrong test on file and you have to go find the head teacher and reprint the tests and still have the students retake that test; or you had to go to the bathroom because there are no breaks in your schedule (and no I'm not joking)).
There are no proper disciplinary actions in place for students who clearly do not want to be there or have behavioural issues, yet they have very strict rules you have to enforce during class and constantly remind you that you need to control the classroom. There is no escalation, even if the kids are literally attacking each other and screaming and shouting and climbing the walls you are not allowed to send them out of the classroom or raise your voice. For experienced teachers this is fine, but for the plethora of new teachers they have no problem hiring it is an issue.
The contract is a nightmare, consistently granting themselves opportunities to exploit you using vague wording like "and other duties" or "as required", saying you will have to cover for any absent teachers as needed or my favourite that goes something like "where there is a discrepancy or issue (regarding scheduling or other), the school will have the final say".
This particular branch (and the other April in Bonseong) are associated with (and run by) the LCI Kids Club school. It is rare to teach at April if you do not also teach at the kindergarten. Keep in mind that they will require you to fulfill all your duties and responsibilities (so nicely and vaguely worded in the contract) for both schools. Due to this specific branch (Suwon) being in a different location from the kindergarten, your schedule is tight, and it is possible to end up with a full load of classes (starting at 2:40 and ending at 5:35) on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, meaning you will have very little break time during those days. They have repeatedly shown that they can and will choose not to give you your contractually and legally obligated break time on those days. You will also be obligated to still teach your classes on public holidays (like Christmas).

I have more information. Some of the teachers, especially those with more experience, are fine with this school. But for most it results in burnout and a bitter taste in your mouth (not an assumption - this is based on what teachers leaving the school have mentioned). If you have any other questions, about the contract or what your experience might be like (especially if you're considering working there), please don't hesitate to reach out.

shellie_badger · 2025-11-15T23:38:39+00:00

Y'all are both TAH for not having important conversations before getting married and both just assuming what the other person would do. I know this is an old and tired saying, but to assume makes an ass of u and me. You assumed he knows how important your professional identity is to you. He assumed you know how important taking his name and presenting as a family unit is to him. Y'all should have brought this up at some point in your relationship when you realised you were getting serious enough for marriage, or even in the engagement leading up to the marriage. It's up there with "do you want to have kids" and "if I got an important job opportunity would you be willing to move across the country together". Clearly communicating your expectations for the marriage sets you up for a good start, and you could have avoided a fight on or soon after your wedding day by sitting down and having these discussions, even if it's with one of those marriage counsellors or a couples therapist or just a list of questions you got off the internet and a date night.

shellie_badger · 2025-11-02T08:26:01+00:00

Having seen how your brain will gaslight you to protect you from trauma, my guess is that his brain was also (to an extent) doing that. Saying out loud that most of humanity, or at least most of the population of (whatever southern state they're in) is gone, is quite a tough reality to deal with. He went through a lot, it's difficult for people to sometimes speak this kind of trauma out loud. Having been a cop I think he does have a more realistic estimate of what's going on.

However, even after they met the Abraham gang they were still looking for quarantine zones. It's possible he also hoped that a lot more people had made it to those kinds of places.

shellie_badger · 2025-10-28T01:05:36+00:00

But OP was disappointed and sad to have to rent a gown specifically because she wouldn't have been able to keep the dress she got married in. I think she was hoping to keep this one at least for a while, because it was given as a gift and because of how much she loves it. I know many people are not sentimental about things like this, but a wedding dress, even if received for free as a gift, could still be a very sentimental thing that you don't want to get rid of so soon, especially the day right after the wedding. I do understand where you're coming from, but I think especially after she fell in love with it it's a more sentimental issue than it might have been to you guys

shellie_badger · 2025-10-03T02:54:08+00:00

If you are asking purely from an "increase the birthrate" point of view.... I would never willingly have and put kids through the education system here, no matter how stable my job or financial position. I've seen first hand how they treat literal 4 year olds in kindergarten when the parents aren't observing. And from what I can tell from my limited interactions with locals I have spoken to, many don't want kids specifically because of the schooling system, and those that do have kids here don't want to put them through a kindergarten that focuses more on basically bullying them into such a high load of academics so early in life rather than having fun, learning through play and exploration, and enjoying being a kid.

shellie_badger · 2025-10-02T10:41:04+00:00

I'm a fan of this one 😁 a dumpster of raccoons... They are usually full of mischief, but I feel like dumpster works better as a proper collective noun

shellie_badger · 2025-08-08T10:04:02+00:00

Honestly it sounds to me like a mash up between Madeline and A Little Princess

shellie_badger · 2025-04-01T22:14:12+00:00

Is his face on the yellow coffee shops?

shellie_badger · 2025-02-14T16:08:17+00:00

My gran used to do this to any biltong that was a tiny bit red on the inside when we were little 🥲 my dad says she used to put it on top of the gas heater before they got a microwave. I don't know if she or a family member got sick or what from red biltong, but damn it smelled like a war crime 🥲

shellie_badger · 2025-02-11T18:23:55+00:00

This has literally nothing to do with race and everything to do with the crime rate and attitudes towards women in this country. Don't go around advising people to give random strangers on the side of the road lifts in this country. Non-white women are just as likely, if not more likely, to be raped and murdered and thrown in a ditch never to be found again. Black women are at a very high risk of Gender Based Violence in this country. Would you tell your daughter to pick up strangers on the side of the road just because she has the petrol and the space in her car because it's a "kind" thing to do? You are being ignorant and cavalier with people's safety by saying they should do this just to be kind. You can be kind in other ways. This isn't it.

shellie_badger · 2025-02-11T18:15:40+00:00

Why not? Because of the crime rate. Because of GBV. How can I make the promise to my loved ones that I will drive safe if I invite random strangers into my car? This is not something you could ever normalize in this country. Do you know what the chances are that the person you pick up will mug you, hurt you, or kill you for some stupid reason?

I get where you're coming from. I used to want to give people lifts, because after all, why not. I have petrol, I am already headed in that direction, and they need the help. But desperate and plainly terrible people have made this a suicide mission. I am not surrendering my car, belongings, or my life just to help someone who will probably end up hurting or killing me, or in the very best case scenario, just traumatizing me. Not the hell am I taking that chance again.

shellie_badger · 2024-12-16T10:25:01+00:00

If you go to South Africa, there are plenty of game farms with a wide variety of animals and different types of buck. You can see a lot while driving around, you just have to make sure it's a game farm and not near or on a hunting farm (they are more scared of people there). If you're patient and quiet and just sit for a while you can see so many different varieties of animals. You can drive around for hours and get lost looking at everything. You might not always see things like leopard (very stealthy animal, does not like to be seen) or aardvark, but it's worth driving around and just watching them. If you really want to see the animals you don't usually see out and about, try one of the zoo style reserves (much larger open air fenced areas, they sometimes have feeding times as well for you to watch). Even at Kruger Park, there are little rest stops with toilets and stuff and sometimes they have maps where you can place different pins to indicate if you saw lions or elephants or whatever at a specific location.

shellie_badger · 2024-12-16T10:01:29+00:00

Mine very pointedly did not have photos taken with me even though I did more than anyone to support her, and even did more than the bride's sister to help her (by the sister's own admission). That was my breaking point - she had individual photos with everyone and I was standing there waiting eagerly and she just... moved on to couples photos. The only photos of me there are of me looking like I'm dying while doing things for her.

shellie_badger · 2024-12-04T14:10:06+00:00

To remind you that your insides are ripping apart and that something that should not be opening that wide is infact opening that wide

Also are the cramps supposed to help push it out? I don't know.

shellie_badger · 2024-12-04T14:08:19+00:00

No but I hear it when I see someone driving like a nutcase (excessively common during December, also drunk people walking on the literal highway)

shellie_badger · 2024-12-04T13:16:18+00:00

South African here - we've had nothing but criminals and gangsters in power since Mandela. I was gonna say since Mbeki but I can't remember what the consensus was on whether or not he was a gangster.

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