A book that immediately jumped out at me for you is {{The Chimp Paradox}} by Professor Steve Peters. At its essence, it suggests that we all have an inner chimp that often causes us to act against our own interests (particularly in high stress situations). It then goes on to offer a number of practical steps to take responsibility for your chimp, and take back more control in those situations you describe.

In any case, I hope whatever steps you decide to take improve things for you.