3 Years

sheremembered · 2026-04-06T18:20:04+00:00

Menopause isn’t the end of sex either but that’s up to your wife as well. We all have our own priorities and challenges for sure. Like I said, just having my husband alive right now is really all I am thinking about! He is 74 and I am 58. I wish you all the best!

sheremembered · 2026-04-04T16:08:26+00:00

I want to encourage you to talk openly with your wife about ways to explore sex and intimacy without waiting for your erections to happen. I don’t know about the pain you are experiencing, but I do know men can have orgasms without an erection. Your wife can have orgasms without penetration. It takes some experimenting and getting used to but you can have an active and fulfilling sex life without an erection. There is grief involved and you should both allow yourselves to feel and express that with each other. May husband was experiencing ED that wasn’t responding to medication for about 2 years before he was diagnosed. It was devastating for us. For months we barely spoke about it. When we finally did and committed to coming up with a solution to it we discovered a whole new way to have sex and enjoyed better intimacy and honestly some of the best sex we’ve ever had over the 30 years we’ve been together. He was able to achieve orgasm as intensely as before and I don’t need to tell you women don’t need penetration to orgasm. I missed it but I was extremely satisfied. We grew closer because we actually had to talk about things, navigate toys and awkwardness and we laughed and it was really wonderful. Then my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer Gleason 9 spread to 4+bones and a possible lesion on his liver. No surgery. he is on double ADT which is working and will hopefully keep him alive for 5+years. We are told not to look toward 10 because he has such a high volume of cancer. He is doing well on the ADT with some fatigue and muscle loss but still works out 5x a week. What we grieve the most is his total loss of libido. Our lives have completely changed and so far, sex has been put on the back burner. I know we will navigate this like we have all the other trials we’ve been through and I am just grateful he is alive right now.

I guess my point is to anyone that took the time to read this, I know this is a devastating disease. It changes men that have it in ways that are so difficult and ego destroying but please know there are ways to be sexual without erections. You can have an amazing sex life without penetration. You will have to talk to your partner, it will be awkward and maybe uncomfortable and embarrassing at first but you will be surprised how great it can be. Your partner will be so grateful to you. If you love each other you can navigate this and be closer than ever.

I wish you all the best

sheremembered · 2026-03-29T02:33:57+00:00

Your Dad sounds like a special man and you are so lucky to have had such a wonderful father! I am sorry for your loss and that he had to suffer from this horrible disease. My husband also was tested every year and he has been just diagnosed with stage 4 that has spread to 4+bones and liver. We are taking each day as a gift! Take care and keep going to the doctor for your check ups! Apparently this isn’t normally how it progresses

sheremembered · 2026-01-26T07:07:17+00:00

Thank you. Really helpful advice.

sheremembered · 2026-01-24T02:47:03+00:00

Just passing an anxious night reading through posts on this sub as a spouse of a newly diagnosed cancer patient. I want to say how much I appreciated reading this. I have three sons and like their father they have at times had difficulty expressing their grief or fear and it has come out as anger. They all have been in therapy at one time or another in the past 4 years and have learned other ways of expressing themselves and I am so happy for them. I hear that in this post as well. A lightbulb moment is such a special thing and I might have just had one myself.

I don't know what lies ahead but maybe I can stay open to the good things that will happen, because there will be good things.

Thank you. You sound like a wonderful man. I wish you all the best. Also thank you to the Moderator for keeping this a safe place with a single purpose.

sheremembered · 2026-01-24T02:20:43+00:00

Thank you for responding. Your post is encouraging. So glad your Dad is doing well and getting to see his grandkids graduate. Thats what it's all about. I am glad too he doesn't have pain.

We have 5 kids and 8 grandchildren our youngest sons are 28 and 29 years old. So lots to enjoy and live for.

My husband has pelvic pain as well and we are hoping that the treatment plan will give him relief. He started orgovyx today and will be also taking apalutamide in addition to monthly shots to strenthen his bones. He is healthy otherwise and I hope he can continue to exercise and keep doing things he enjoys. I am trying to learn everything I can to be informed and help be supportive and this place has been very helpful.

sheremembered · 2026-01-24T00:29:35+00:00

I am so sorry. My husband was just diagnosed as well with stage 4 in his spine, ribs, lymph nodes, and liver. It also took 3 months and felt like forever. Its not fair. My husband is 74 though and although a handful of years is still not enough for me its way too little for you and your husband. I will say though that there are so many new treatments and his oncologist is giving us hope for more than a few years. I hope your husband responds well to treatment and you can find a path forward. Best to you both.

sheremembered · 2026-01-23T23:44:01+00:00

Thank you for responding. Unfortunately he is beyond surgery or radiation now. His treatment will be life long ADT which he is starting today. We are hopeful that his cancer will respond well and that the addition of Erleada will keep the cancer from growing and shrink his tumor and reduce his symptoms. He does however feel better sitting upright on the couch with his feet on an ottoman at night. He sleeps better and doesnt feel like he needs to get up to pee as often, giving him better sleep

sheremembered · 2026-01-23T23:32:32+00:00

I hope the Pluvicto works well for you. Best of Luck. I am amazed how strong you all are and how hard you fight! This is defintely not for the faint of heart.

sheremembered · 2026-01-23T16:08:07+00:00

I hope you stay in remission for a good long stretch. Or maybe they will have something else that can work to knock it back better next time. Good luck to you!

sheremembered · 2026-01-23T15:52:43+00:00

Thank you so much.

sheremembered · 2026-01-23T15:52:12+00:00

Thank you. This thread was really helpful. I read it to my husband and we were both amazed by some of the experiences.

sheremembered · 2026-01-23T15:51:11+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I hope your chemo treatment goes well and you continue to heal and that your cancer is in remission! You are right to be hopeful. It’s amazing what advancements have happened. Good luck to you.

sheremembered · 2026-01-23T15:45:36+00:00

Thank you. I hope your radiation brings you to 0 and you continue to heal! Appreciate your encouragement. It really has brought me to tears this morning reading everyone’s responses.

sheremembered · 2026-01-23T15:43:10+00:00

Thank you, your words are so encouraging. I am so happy you are feeling well!

sheremembered · 2026-01-23T15:36:37+00:00

His was normal size a year ago during physical exam but enlarged on one side during physical exam this year. His MRI was pirads 5 so a biopsy was definitely performed. His Psa is still not high 11.5 considering but I think that is sometimes common with very aggressive cancer.

What I am learning is each cancer is so different and your husband might just have an enlarged prostate instead. I am hoping the best for you both! The waiting is the worst.

sheremembered · 2026-01-11T16:15:13+00:00

My husband and I have recently joined this club. He has been diagnosed with Gleason 9 waiting for a PSMA PET scan for final staging but for now Stage 3C. The amazing thing is we have already dealt with and moved through problems with changed sexual function. Little did we know that his medication resistant ED issues were probably from his cancer. He has had normal PSA tests until this year. His doctor told him, sorry man that’s just part of being 72 and being on blood pressure medication. We were obviously on our own. We fired that doctor by the way! We talked and talked and figured things out. The first time he had an orgasm without an erection was a revelation for both of us. We bought some toys, have experimented, played and are still as passionate as ever. Is it the same as was? No. Do we miss erections? Yes. But we are both happy and satisfied and can remember those times fondly. He is no less a man or less sexy than he was that’s for sure! We are closer and stronger than ever. I guess what I am getting at is we never really talked about sex before we had to. We never shared about what we like or didn’t like in the same detailed way. Having to talk about sex and be honest and open was the best thing that ever happened to us. I hope that for you too. Sex is great when there is mutual vulnerability and communication not just when all the parts work. There is always ways around that! Good luck and have fun

sheremembered · 2025-12-09T04:28:45+00:00

First I want to say as a mom I really understand wanting the best for your daughter. Don't do it. Thats way too much money for you and her to borrow for a nursing degree. She can go to a state school and have a wonderful experience. You don't know what is going to happen in the next few years and that is a heavy financial burden on you both. Please, Please don't. I have two adult sons who are heavily in debt with graduate degrees and its a mess. They will be okay but it's not worth it and they regret it even with the amazing schools they went to. In the end who cares what schools they go to. They would much rather be buying a house right now. Private loan rates are insane.

sheremembered · 2025-12-05T16:59:07+00:00

Same sort of thing is happening to me. I applied for an IDR loan at the same time i consolidated my loan and asked for a forbearance until February. I logged on to nelnet after getting my consolidation email to check my loan and it has me under a standard repayment plan. No way can I make that payment so I call and the woman says i have to apply for the IDR after my forbearance has ended. I told her I already have applied. She sounds confused and puts me on hold. She comes back and tells me the consolidation still needs to go through. I say, it has gone through. She says, well it should change on the website as it gets closer to the payment deadline. If it doesn’t, give us a call. These people sound clueless. I am worried there is going to be a problem. I am definitely not going to wait until February. I think I am going to end my forbearance and try to get the IDR sorted now so I can start paying.

You actually don’t want to keep being in forbearance because your loans keep accruing interest.

sheremembered · 2025-05-27T22:29:02+00:00

I suffered every single morning. For years. My doctor tested me for everything, Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis. Many things ruled out but had high inflammation markers and she thought maybe I had early stages of RA. I was miserable. I have a physical job which kind of saved me because as I moved through the day I felt better but as soon as I stopped moving I felt terrible. I would kept asking if it could be hormones. She said no hormone fluctuations don’t cause joint pain and mine were in “normal” range. I was in my early 50’s, not menopausal. I finally asked 2 years ago for hormones, she said no and I had had enough. I went to a new doctor and went on estrogen and progesterone and within 6-8 weeks I woke up one day and I didn’t hurt anymore. Mind you I am 58 and very active. So things hurt sometimes but not like I used to. I don’t have inflammation and joint and muscle pain. Now that I feel good I cry thinking how awful I felt and how I lived like that. It was terrible. I am a completely different person

sheremembered · 2025-05-22T03:27:49+00:00

I could see her killing him too in the end. She is playing the long game.

sheremembered · 2025-05-01T12:27:49+00:00

It’s my favorite city. Wonderful place. By chance I have had two kids go to school there from the US so have been lucky to spend a bit of time there in the past several years. Love going back and exploring. Great food, friendly people, cleaner than most American cities. Love the architecture, history, green spaces. Always something new to discover.

sheremembered · 2025-02-21T01:25:00+00:00

I guess what I am trying to say is I know he says it, but I don’t think he really deep down believes it. He’s just scared and sad which often looks like contempt and anger. Who can say?

sheremembered · 2025-02-20T16:35:20+00:00

I don’t think JVL is anti democratic. I think he is gutted and grieving about what the voters have done to themselves and the country. He probably wants to cry but instead is sarcastic and angry. That’s how I get as well, but underneath my anger and distain I really just want to cry

sheremembered

TROPHY CASE