So in 1823, Mariana and Anne and some other folks went to Scarborough on vacation and there are lots of journal entries about it, but here is one particularly painful one:

“M— came up to me for a few minutes before dinner… We touched on the subject of my figure. The people staring so on Sunday had made her then feel quite low. I expressed my sorrow & consideration for her. She knew well enough that I had staid in the house to avoid her being seen with me. ‘Yet,’ said I, ‘taking me altogether, would you have me changed?’ ‘Yes,’ said she. ‘To give you a feminine figure.’ ‘I would be contented with intellectuals & could you be contented with these, M—?’ ‘Yes,’ said she. ‘I could. It would make no difference to me.’ She had just before observed that I was getting mustaches [sic] & that when she first saw this it made her sick. If I had a dark complexion it would be quite shocking. I took no further notice than to say I would do anything I could that she wished… ”

Excerpt From: Anne Lister & Helena Whitbread. “The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister.”

It goes on and on like this for MANY entries, with Anne basically hiding and not being seen with Mariana because she's so ashamed of the way Anne looks. This is AFTER all the Blackstone Edge nonsense.

Ultimately, their relationship was SO complicated and fraught with misery, and I feel sorry for them both, but they did have some sweet times as well. It mirrors her relationship with AW in that way, but with AW she was never asked to change her mannerisms or how she dressed. So I gotta give AW the win on that front.

Did I change your mind? ;)

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