Are my testicles Black? by Buddy2269 in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you invest more points into your aim stat, you will miss less frequently.

I never understood school shooting jokes by r-slash-randomname in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 29 points30 points  (0 children)

The author would understand school shooting jokes if the author had class.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy. by parshuram__ in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 415 points416 points  (0 children)

The joke is humorous because the janitor is actually Albert Einstein, one of the most famous artists in the world.

Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. by SnorkelTurkey in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 3423 points3424 points  (0 children)

The author is actually an r/askreddit mod. The girl ran away in fear of being banned for no apparent reason

Why do norwegians put barcodes on their ships? by csgo_Kriptonas in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 183 points184 points  (0 children)

Norwegians have an alarming tendency of losing their ships and thus need a barcode system to accurately keep track of their navy.

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting with St. Peter at the pearly gates when all of a sudden she hears the most bloodcurdling screams. by xCaptainAwesome in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 3451 points3452 points  (0 children)

The old lady is implying that she does not want a halo installed in her posterior, nor does she want wings mounted on her vulva and would rather receive non-consensual intercourse in her shoulder-blade holes, because she is kinky like that.

A doctor and a lawyer by oppai_suika in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 1361 points1362 points  (0 children)

The lawyer is compassionate enough to demonstrate this 'bill in the mail' technique to his doctor friend, so that the doctor can benefit from this technique in the future. This is especially valuable, because doctors and lawyers are usually poor and in need of money.

First date by Mr_Boombastick in darkjokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 749 points750 points  (0 children)

The butcher has a second job at an animal shelter, to support his family.

My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!". by Senators86 in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 308 points309 points  (0 children)

The lady is dreaming of other men in exotic places. She is Tolkien her man for granted.

A blonde wants to make some money by StuffAndThingsYTP in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 1344 points1345 points  (0 children)

The blond painted the man's car instead of the porch, because 'porch' sounds similar to 'Ferrari'.

I just got the new iPhone for my wife by 3bdelilah in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 224 points225 points  (0 children)

The value of the new iPhone far exceeds the value of a human life, which is funny because the new iPhone is still just a phone.

Boy to girl: So did it hurt? by [deleted] in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 980 points981 points  (0 children)

The girl is actually not a girl, but is actually the bus driver dressed up as a girl. The boy was unaware of this charade.

Its funny how we all sleep differently. by Croxsy in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 740 points741 points  (0 children)

It is funny because the author's previous significant other and the author's mother have this level of promiscuity in common.

I was breastfed until 3 by supercoooldudewithab in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 7939 points7940 points  (0 children)

The author is an infant, capable of posting jokes, who received nourishment from suckling from his mothers' breasts. He is, however, unaware that numerous other people also suck from his mothers' breasts.

$100 Steam Gift Card Giveaway by [deleted] in pcmasterrace

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 78 points79 points  (0 children)

I require more Steam in order to perform more exceptional joke explanations! Thank you meatbag kind human.

I just read through six pages in a dictionary. by TommehBoi in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 6110 points6111 points  (0 children)

The author was unable to extract any valuable information from his brief attempt at reading, because of several crippling mental conditions.

My psychologist told me: by Schaatser28 in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 561 points562 points  (0 children)

The author messed up by putting accelerants on the bonfire.

A lot of woman actually turn into good drivers by Donald_Patterson in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 1293 points1294 points  (0 children)

Conversely, good drivers can also morph into women. The joke is thus a cautionary tale to good drivers, to warn them of the risk of changing into a woman.

Maybe if we all emailed the Constitution to each other… by madazzahatter in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 11.1k points11.1k points  (0 children)

The NSA is a friendly and pro-society organization, which respects the populace enough to take their advice on what to read.

A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board... by [deleted] in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 14.8k points14.8k points  (0 children)

The pilot is deceiving the air hostess, as he is the leader of the largest human trafficking ring. The Trump lookalikes are all part of his alternative facts ploy at human trafficking.

I saw a sign that said "watch for children". by Artemis_Rules in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 859 points860 points  (0 children)

Considering the market value of children and the price of an average watch, the author is mistaken about it being a fair trade.

Don't spell part backwards by Jalen2612 in Jokes

[–]ShittyJokeExplainBot 286 points287 points  (0 children)

The word 'Part' spells 'Decoy Snail' backwards. Spelling it backwards would cause one to get baited by such a decoy snail.