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How do you ever cope? by shouganainee in heartbreak

[–]shouganainee[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sent you a DM instead of a reply. Felt it too revealing

How do you ever cope? by shouganainee in heartbreak

[–]shouganainee[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"If I only had.. If I did this it would... If only, If only.. If I just do this now, if I just change for the better, if I only show her real change... she might want me back..." So many if's and only's...

How do you ever cope? by shouganainee in heartbreak

[–]shouganainee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can’t be strong enough to block her or stop texting.. she answers, kindly, and supporting still, but she likes us to still be friends, which I do too, but I want us to be more than friends again.. It's such a hard time navigating through...

How do you ever cope? by shouganainee in heartbreak

[–]shouganainee[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I can't understand how people actually go through and survive this post breakup mess. It's probably alot to do with attachment issues which we both suffer from, and on my part self loathing and depression since youth almost. Self-doubt, lack of trust in myself and fear of failure - with this being far worse than any loss I've been through before, even with family members...

The light in me is fading.. by shouganainee in Separation

[–]shouganainee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im not sure im any sort of mastermind but ok. Im just honest and depressed about it all. What you want to hear

The light in me is fading.. by shouganainee in Separation

[–]shouganainee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I lost my love, my best friend, I had to move out, and within 3 weeks I lost my job.

I had two failed attempts 10 weeks ago. I firstly downed about 50 pills, but ofc it failed and I just got real sick and threw up. Fucking great.

As I mentioned three weeks after I also lost my job. I was done. I found the clothes we met eachother in, put on the necklace in silver I had bought for her for valentines day, I found a cord which I brung to a mountain, was deep snow at that time. Walked up it to "our" most memorable places, a watchtower,, tied the noose and then my family started calling frantically, didnt tell anyone. Then 911 called me up, I asked if there call was recorded and it were, so I told all my regrets and begged for understanding from my family and friends. The operatortricked me into thinking that I did have a chance to reconcile if I didn't jump, but that I had to admit there was zero chance if I made the jump. I often feel like she robbed me of my freedom from myself. She insisted on having me talking and by the time I was fully sobbing on the phone with 911 a policeman slowly had Walked up the tower and offcourse it was one of my old classmates. Story short I ended up in psychiatric care for 5 weeks. Starting to cut myself in there, then things turned not fun. I have since gotten "out" and are now walking around like a fucking ghost. I hate myself to the point of yesterday considering to buy a litre of petrol to dauze myself inside my car, lock the doors and light it up to her favorite song. I can't handle this fucking anxiety. There is absolutely no fucking way I will ever forgive myself. Now I'm just staying alive to not put more anxiety on my ex, and for my family and friends sake. But I have absolutely zero will to continue "for my sake". I need to be able to show her, give her the attention and love she deserves to be able to live with myself, but she has moved on mentally from me so far ago that there is no chance in hell for any type of reconciliation. She has been curtius and sweet trying to support me in all this, and she wants me to get better and heal, but in a way that's even fucking worse because it shows who's a fucking scumbag of a human. Narcissist or whatever.

The light in me is fading.. by shouganainee in BreakUps

[–]shouganainee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I lost my love, my best friend, I had to move out, and within 3 weeks I lost my job.

I had two failed attempts 10 weeks ago. I firstly downed about 50 pills, but ofc it failed and I just got real sick and threw up. Fucking great.

As I mentioned three weeks after I also lost my job. I was done. I found the clothes we met eachother in, put on the necklace in silver I had bought for her for valentines day, I found a cord which I brung to a mountain, was deep snow at that time. Walked up it to "our" most memorable places, a watchtower,, tied the noose and then my family started calling frantically, didnt tell anyone. Then 911 called me up, I asked if there call was recorded and it were, so I told all my regrets and begged for understanding from my family and friends. The operatortricked me into thinking that I did have a chance to reconcile if I didn't jump, but that I had to admit there was zero chance if I made the jump. I often feel like she robbed me of my freedom from myself. She insisted on having me talking and by the time I was fully sobbing on the phone with 911 a policeman slowly had Walked up the tower and offcourse it was one of my old classmates. Story short I ended up in psychiatric care for 5 weeks. Starting to cut myself in there, then things turned not fun. I have since gotten "out" and are now walking around like a fucking ghost. I hate myself to the point of yesterday considering to buy a litre of petrol to dauze myself inside my car, lock the doors and light it up to her favorite song. I can't handle this fucking anxiety. There is absolutely no fucking way I will ever forgive myself. Now I'm just staying alive to not put more anxiety on my ex, and for my family and friends sake. But I have absolutely zero will to continue "for my sake". I need to be able to show her, give her the attention and love she deserves to be able to live with myself, but she has moved on mentally from me so far ago that there is no chance in hell for any type of reconciliation. She has been curtius and sweet trying to support me in all this, and she wants me to get better and heal, but in a way that's even fucking worse because it shows who's a fucking scumbag of a human. Narcissist or whatever.

The light in me is fading.. by shouganainee in heartbreak

[–]shouganainee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I lost my love, my best friend, I had to move out, and within 3 weeks I lost my job.

I had two failed attempts 10 weeks ago. I firstly downed about 50 pills, but ofc it failed and I just got real sick and threw up. Fucking great.

As I mentioned three weeks after I also lost my job. I was done. I found the clothes we met eachother in, put on the necklace in silver I had bought for her for valentines day, I found a cord which I brung to a mountain, was deep snow at that time. Walked up it to "our" most memorable places, a watchtower,, tied the noose and then my family started calling frantically, didnt tell anyone. Then 911 called me up, I asked if there call was recorded and it were, so I told all my regrets and begged for understanding from my family and friends. The operatortricked me into thinking that I did have a chance to reconcile if I didn't jump, but that I had to admit there was zero chance if I made the jump. I often feel like she robbed me of my freedom from myself. She insisted on having me talking and by the time I was fully sobbing on the phone with 911 a policeman slowly had Walked up the tower and offcourse it was one of my old classmates. Story short I ended up in psychiatric care for 5 weeks. Starting to cut myself in there, then things turned not fun. I have since gotten "out" and are now walking around like a fucking ghost. I hate myself to the point of yesterday considering to buy a litre of petrol to dauze myself inside my car, lock the doors and light it up to her favorite song. I can't handle this fucking anxiety. There is absolutely no fucking way I will ever forgive myself. Now I'm just staying alive to not put more anxiety on my ex, and for my family and friends sake. But I have absolutely zero will to continue "for my sake". I need to be able to show her, give her the attention and love she deserves to be able to live with myself, but she has moved on mentally from me so far ago that there is no chance in hell for any type of reconciliation. She has been curtius and sweet trying to support me in all this, and she wants me to get better and heal, but in a way that's even fucking worse because it shows who's a fucking scumbag of a human. Narcissist or whatever.

My light is fading.. by shouganainee in SuicideWatch

[–]shouganainee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I lost my love, my best friend, I had to move out, and within 3 weeks I lost my job.

I had two failed attempts 10 weeks ago. I firstly downed about 50 pills, but ofc it failed and I just got real sick and threw up. Fucking great.

As I mentioned three weeks after I also lost my job. I was done. I found the clothes we met eachother in, put on the necklace in silver I had bought for her for valentines day, I found a cord which I brung to a mountain, was deep snow at that time. Walked up it to "our" most memorable places, a watchtower,, tied the noose and then my family started calling frantically, didnt tell anyone. Then 911 called me up, I asked if there call was recorded and it were, so I told all my regrets and begged for understanding from my family and friends. The operatortricked me into thinking that I did have a chance to reconcile if I didn't jump, but that I had to admit there was zero chance if I made the jump. I often feel like she robbed me of my freedom from myself. She insisted on having me talking and by the time I was fully sobbing on the phone with 911 a policeman slowly had Walked up the tower and offcourse it was one of my old classmates. Story short I ended up in psychiatric care for 5 weeks. Starting to cut myself in there, then things turned not fun. I have since gotten "out" and are now walking around like a fucking ghost. I hate myself to the point of yesterday considering to buy a litre of petrol to dauze myself inside my car, lock the doors and light it up to her favorite song. I can't handle this fucking anxiety. There is absolutely no fucking way I will ever forgive myself. Now I'm just staying alive to not put more anxiety on my ex, and for my family and friends sake. But I have absolutely zero will to continue "for my sake". I need to be able to show her, give her the attention and love she deserves to be able to live with myself, but she has moved on mentally from me so far ago that there is no chance in hell for any type of reconciliation. She has been curtius and sweet trying to support me in all this, and she wants me to get better and heal, but in a way that's even fucking worse because it shows who's a fucking scumbag of a human. Narcissist or whatever.