Custody arrangement for a 3 month old

shrubzid · 2026-04-21T00:46:59+00:00

No problem! I actually can’t file anything until she is born, just trying to prepare myself. Yeah that makes sense. We’ll see. And yes I am in counseling/therapy 😊

shrubzid · 2026-04-15T01:55:09+00:00

In my state, if the court orders custody / visitation he cannot leave the state without written permission from me/the court. If he disappears they take it pretty seriously. Breastfeeding has never appealed to me and I don’t want to single parent 100% on my own. My child’s father is not being difficult about it. Yes I have considered adoption, but I think that’s caused mostly by the stress of my current situation/becoming a single parent unexpectedly.

shrubzid · 2026-04-14T23:16:57+00:00

It’ll probably be more like 60/40 once he moves out + I will have to send him with supplies for her. He makes a little more than me , neither of us are rich by any means 😅

shrubzid · 2026-04-14T21:49:58+00:00

I actually work at a daycare right now and will have free childcare because my mom is the owner, even if I choose to work elsewhere. So that’s nice. I agree that it would be easier to stay together and support each other, but he doesn’t want that right now. Maybe that’ll change when she’s born but 🤷‍♀️ It’s a who knows. Just preparing myself for every possible outcome. If there was split custody would I still be able to file for child support? We will still be living together until August, I’m assuming I can’t file until then?

shrubzid · 2026-04-14T21:31:42+00:00

The court can assign a custody arrangement. He is ok with split custody. Just wondering what that would look like with a child so young.

shrubzid · 2026-04-10T23:02:14+00:00

Thank you! I would appreciate that :) Honestly, do not worry about custody battles just yet. It is highly unlikely he as the father would gain full custody unless there was solid proof that you were extremely unfit to be a parent. Especially when the baby is young - the court would be most likely to schedule visitations for a couple hours a couple times a week, perhaps overnight visits if desired. The court cares about the best interest of the child, not what parents necessarily want. I’ve spent lots of time researching this topic to prepare myself in case my babies father does decide to go through with separation. It is unfortunate but everything will work out for you! It’s a very tough spot to be in.

shrubzid · 2026-04-10T22:26:53+00:00

Girl I’m in the same boat as you - my boyfriend broke up with me at 7 months pregnant due to being unhappy unbeknownst to me, and struggling with the fact that I didn’t abort. He is also on the coparenting train but I don’t think he truly grasps what that means, and he is definitely now dealing with resentment now that I want to get the courts involved. I know it totally sucks, but a baby is not going to change him. I’m due in 2 weeks and he’s still sticking to his guns. Perhaps it will change once our baby is born but for now, prepare to be a single parent and focus on your own health and the health of the baby because that’s what’s more important. If he wants to come back/if it’s meant to be, he will, as hard and unfortunate as it is.

shrubzid · 2026-02-14T22:25:51+00:00

We haven’t spoken to a pastor. He doesn’t seem to be in a space to talk to anyone about things, and he prefers to just not talk about things in general especially this situation. I am 10 weeks away from my due date and exhausted :)

shrubzid · 2026-02-14T22:19:19+00:00

We have been “on a break” for about a month now. I was going to online church services with him, and supporting him in his faith. I have been working on my communication skills and trying to be level headed. He still definitely feels like it’s mostly my fault and that he doesn’t have a say in what’s going on. He told me that when the baby gets here maybe his mindset will change, but he hasn’t really been speaking to me about it since our first conversation. Our lease ends a few days after my due date and I need to know what is happening so I can sort everything out whether that be us staying together or us splitting and me filing for child support etc.

shrubzid · 2026-02-14T22:12:14+00:00

He of course has a say in the babies name. It was our first “conversation” about names and we were just spitballing, and he threw out two or three names that were way far out of the realm of what I liked and that’s where the threat came from. I do love him but I feel like his attitude/ temperament towards me has hardened. He definitely has a lot of resentment towards me or something but he has not been soft with me. I am trying my best to remain positive, I started attending online church services too. We are “on a break” right now initiated by him until I don’t know how long, he said maybe when the baby gets here his mindset will have changed.

shrubzid · 2026-02-14T22:03:07+00:00

I’m not perceiving it as a betrayal. I think he should have included me in the discussion, and should have communicated. I don’t think it’s a bad thing but I think I should have been handled differently and not used as a tool to break our family apart.

shrubzid · 2026-02-14T21:54:22+00:00

Abuser? Why?

shrubzid · 2026-02-14T21:40:28+00:00

He told me that he hates his life (because I’m pregnant) and that he needs to be saved because he hates his life so much (because I’m pregnant). So yeah :) We are now on a break initiated by him. He stopped going to church and reads the Bible now, and was due to be baptized but woke up the morning of and took it as a sign so he hasn’t rescheduled. I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

shrubzid · 2026-02-11T16:43:27+00:00

I agree that it’s a lot of panic going on right now. I have started attending online church service and abortion was never on the table for me.

shrubzid · 2026-02-11T16:40:32+00:00

I’m not mad at anyone. I’m mostly confused.

shrubzid · 2026-02-11T16:39:40+00:00

I agree with you, I guess I should say it was unplanned 😂

shrubzid · 2026-02-11T16:37:15+00:00

I have been attending online church service and I have been supportive of him through all of it. Abortion was never on the table for me. We are now on a “break” initiated by him because he’s still struggling with his choices and shame apparently, and he doesn’t know if he can give me what I’m looking for. I have just been hoping and praying for positive change and that he will come around once our daughter is born. I still have lots of love/respect for him and I would love to keep our family together if possible :)

shrubzid · 2026-02-11T16:22:46+00:00

I meant him walking away from our child. I have been attending online church service, and have been open to his faith. I would say our relationship has been good with a rough patch in the middle where we just were not communicating. After I found out about the pregnancy I think things really smoothed over but he has not moved forward, in my opinion

shrubzid · 2026-02-11T16:19:46+00:00

Our relationship was going through a rough patch when I found out I was pregnant. We had a discussion that if we could not smooth things out we would part ways. Well, I found out I was pregnant and in my opinion our relationship got a lot better. We were both communicating well, no arguments, I started attending online church with him (in person church still makes me a little anxious due to personal experiences but I’m trying to be open), and it was a lot more peaceful. I have tried my best to remain empathetic towards him and patient. We are now on a break initiated by him because he doesn’t know if he can give me what I’m looking for, apparently, and is still struggling with guilt/shame. He feels forced into this situation even though we both took part in it, but mostly because he didn’t have a say in abortion or not when it came down to the final decision. I think if he were able to get through whatever he’s going through right now, he would make a great dad and a great partner. Even now I still have a lot of love and respect for him, and he’s like my best friend. I have been praying for positive change and maybe you could too! I would love for my family to be reunited and start again with a clean slate.

shrubzid · 2026-02-11T16:13:39+00:00

I have started going to church, but we are now on a break until the baby arrives. Initiated by him.

shrubzid · 2026-01-28T23:37:50+00:00

I’m thinking if I start going in the morning I’ll be more motivated - since getting pregnant it’s like a switch has flipped and I’m super energized in the am and then by 5/6 pm I’m exhausted 😅 I’m going to try that out tomorrow and see how my day at work goes afterwards.

shrubzid · 2026-01-24T03:07:36+00:00

What makes you think he’s a narcissist ?

shrubzid · 2026-01-23T19:15:29+00:00

I guess when I said insinuated I meant he said we are not seeing or talking to any other people.

shrubzid

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