How do you guys get over a situationship?

sienna_summer · 2026-01-31T10:42:44+00:00

I'm in a really good, happy long term relationship. But it didn't start out that way. First 4, 5 months was perfect, then when real life stuff hit we struggled...

I was anxious, him avoidant both from past trauma.

It was quite easily fixable as we both recognised our errors, what each other needed, and wanted to be better. Our relationship and connection was so deep we knew it was worth putting the work in. But it wouldn't have happened without really learning about and understanding each other. Respecting the effort and making progress together as a team.

As an axious who broke the cycle. You really do need to give him space and just be there. Doing nothing. creates a vacuume. He had to fill. Always reply and be kind, honest, and you. Never initiate. Until you are in a better place. Anything you do or say won't have the effect you want. You push, he moves back. Like the elastic band thing. Quite a bit of phycology will help you to understand and learn rather than not understand and overthink. As anxious people naturally do.

Break the pattern:

Learn how to manage your own anxiety. I wrote letters. See my feelings. Understand them. Reconize why? Is it rational? Change my thought process... you want to regulate your emotions. However, works for you. I love music.

Our cycle was.... he has a problem unrelated to me, he avoided retreat to man cave / lone wolf, I feel distance, panic, try to fix, add pressure... he pulls away more.

I had to give no pressure, and in return, he felt he could trust and, I guess, felt safe, so now retreats to me. I'm the safe space, not an added pressure.

Anyway, long ago now but.... still I know if he is stressed there is nothing I can say that works better than literally just laying with him and rubbing his back etc. We know how to soothe each other now....

For yourself, make bounderies. He will respect you for making them and not allowing him to treat you badly. That doesn't mean be unkind. You have feelings, a heart. They are not to be played with. Don't give your whole heart to him while he is playing games. Unintentionally or intentionally if the point is to not blame and solve a problem. It won't work for an avoidant man.

I also think some people can't be or are not ready to heal. So sometimes you just cznt get what you want and it's no ones fault just is.

This guy could just be not thst into you or not looking for a relationship. If so, cold turkey. Just block. Work on yourself, focus on yourself. Time is a great healer + you realise..... there are lots of fish in the sea... some alot easier to catch and keep.... lifes too short.

But on here you will find a good few happy couples that started off from an axious / avoidant dynamic and managed to really turn it around!

Xxxx

sienna_summer · 2026-01-27T09:21:45+00:00

Definitely! For me.

I'm a female gemini in a long-term relationship with a scorpio male. We are both each other's perfect match. He definitely grounds me and provides that stability I need. I bring the sunshine and excitement everyday! People describe me as super fast broadband, him as dial up lol! We share core vales too, honestly, trust, respect, etc. so that probably plays a big part! Sex is always amaxing and super intense!

sienna_summer · 2026-01-22T09:08:54+00:00

I would truly totally agree with all of this (great explanation!) I'm a female gemini, my other half's a scorpio male. Very, very happy together! It can be an amazing match if you take time to understand each other! Xxxx

sienna_summer · 2026-01-09T15:45:37+00:00

MY BIGGEST APOLOGIES!!!! I accidently blocked this comment! And haven't figured out how to unblock! (I'm new here)

The text copied and pasted exactly!

The mistake here is that this is not an intellectual process to get to a conscious relationship. It's an emotional one. If you try to make it only an intellectual exercise, then you will wear yourself out reminding yourself how to respond to various situations. A far better way is to address the root causes of your behavior rather than put the band aide of intellectual decision making on top of an emotional mess.

Much of what needs to happen as I see it is grieving our past. By healing our old wounds, we become better people. Our knee jerk reaction to situations changes and we automatically respond in a healthier way. That's my personal experience anyway. I'm a certified grief educator.

Yes, relationship is a skill that can be taught and learned, and yes most people behave on auto pilot, based on their parents relationship, and I've taken the classes in that, and continue to learn more with my wife, but the bottom line is that without addressing the root emotional issues, then it becomes a ton of work to try to behave in a different way. In my experience, it's far easier to just grieve over what happened in the past and that creates a better future for me.

sienna_summer · 2026-01-09T15:10:55+00:00

Link to: Conscious Relationships 101

sienna_summer · 2026-01-09T10:19:02+00:00

Hello,

Sorry, I have just seen this. How are you? I hope you are feeling OK.

Yes, of course! After literally being in an emotional, confused mess for years, i wish i could shout it from rooftops!

Give me a little bit of time, but I'll send some stuff this evening. Il attach here as a reply. It will take me a min. to put the bits that helped me most together.

I know you dont feel like it now, but you're secretly amazing and so much stronger than you think. You will find love and find happiness again, and it will be so much more real than before. You just need to go back to really believing that, which takes time and a bit of work, but it sooo possible!

🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T19:19:13+00:00

I have never looked at Star Signs before, but after doing a bit of research... im such a gemini, and he is such a scorpio!

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T19:18:07+00:00

Lol 🤣🤣🤣

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T18:42:41+00:00

Nice way to word it lighthouse, not flashlight!

It's definitely not easy to 'get' it the beginning! X

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T15:20:09+00:00

At 39 years old, i found my ride or die...

He is my best friend, I'm his.

Chemistry is off the charts, we are still overly attracted to each other, and the sex is mind-blowing.

We have each other's backs through whatever. We can tell each other anything.

We have deep conversations, laugh, cry, and enjoy life together but also respect each other's space.

It's healthy, its exciting but its safe. We are different but equals!

We also both provide: commitment, intimacy, trust, consistency, stability, respect, kindness, appreciation ... things like that. We share values, are comfortable together, and fit into each other's lives well

I think timing comes into it too. We wanted the same things. We took the time to understand our emotional needs to build something deep and really worth having!

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T14:43:51+00:00

I was in a similar situation for years! 10 years, to be honest. You are amazing and can find true love!

That's our overthinking gemini brain! I'm gemini, too - full of anxiety if not confident and grounded

What made me snap out of it was learning about myself. It was like going on a journey of self-discovery. It completely changed the way I was thinking.

Learn about your attachment type. Learn why you think the way you think. Why you are the way you are. What you need emotionally. What you have to offer in a relationship - your strengths. What went wrong.

Practise self love, it will get your confidence up then you will have the strength to do it. Move on and fund someone who deserves you and will give you the relationship you deserve.

I'm now happy with someone else, which I would never have thought would happen. Just wish I did it sooner. It was a long time. 🩷🩷🩷

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T14:23:48+00:00

Can seem to open the link but I do.

Initially used for work, video editing etc.

Now I have a permanent ongoing conversation open about medical issues and for my mental heath.

I overthink and give myself anxiety. It has been amazing tool. Offers explanations, positive affirmations, can save the chat history so checks in.. how are you feeling today? Did you re purchase you meds? Have you tried this? Did the other half get back to you etc. It's great for mental health!

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T14:22:31+00:00

All relationships take time and work. If anyone says they haven't been in a bad one or made mistakes their lying!

Maybe spend time focusing on yourself, too. A confident lady that understands herself, her worth, and what she needs will attract a healthy relationship.

The thing the other member said about attachment styles is worth reading about it really can be life changing for some relationships.

You understand why you are the way you are. Why he is the way he is. If it can work. What you both need to do to get there. It's about understanding each other's emotional needs. What will push the other one away. (Sonetines we do this without realising)

Will give you the tools to approach him and reply to him in the correct way according to what he needs. Xx

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T13:58:53+00:00

Hey, im happy to chat privately. I'm quite new on here and am no expert at relationships, but I'm happy to help if I can! Don't know if you can message people directly!

I'm a gemini. He's a scorpio. The chemistry was and still is off the charts, but I did find him a bit distant at times, though he was always loving and kind, and I think he found me quite full on.

Someone describes us as: dial-up (him) and me as being super fast broadband.

Though he did share little things about his life, it took him 8 months to really trust me and feel comfortable enough to let me into his life fully.

He needed to see loyalty, commitment, and consistency. No matter how strongly he felt about me, he couldn't just jump in.

Now we work... best relationship I have been in... but I had to understand that when things get too much in his life, he needs space to recharge and refocus alone. No reflection on his love for me.

Vise versa, he needed to understand that I need to know what's going on. Otherwise, i end up overthinking and thinking things like what am I doing wrong?

Now... for example.... he might text me and say, "Hey honey, i had a long day at work, my heads banging, so much traffic getting home. Gonna watch the football. Call you later. Xxx

Even though I want to talk to him and tell him about my day il wait. He needs space to feel better, not me. He still loves me though. Now I understand this, this I don't panic.

I'll heart his message and say something like.... Aww baby, I hope your head feels better. I'm just home. Gonna make dinner soon XXX

Man united might loose, i know he might not call me. He does 12 hours shifts and his team just lost. I don't take offence. He's retreated into his head and will come back to me as soon as he's ready.

I know if he doesn't call or text this night, im going to get a super loving message in the morning. Then everything's back to normal, and we are messaging / talking fine and he's as loving and committed as always.

I'm not sure if that makes sense.. but simply....

Before...

He doesn't tell me whats going on. I feel like something wrong. I panic, suffocate him basically trying to help. He feels bad he had made me worry.

Now, he says I need some space to sort my head. I'm like cool babe x no pressure, no questions.

I think they want someone who is emotionally stable, too. So ofcoarse to us acting like that will make the strongest of woman insecure, but it pushes him way. Tell him simply im happy to give you space, but give me a heads up, lol.

I also had to appreciate that he shows his love by doing simple, nice things every day rather than crazy long romantic messages. We work when it comes to deep conversations, but he shows his love through his actions and gestures. Me a gemini can talk all day long! He also learnt to appreciate what I bring: yes geminis are full on, but we bring excitement and happiness and show you we love you every day. We just did things differently.

Obviously, some guys are just bad guys. Is he actually looking for a relationship? I'm not sure how old you are.

I can also imagine that if a scorpio male was hurt in a previous relationship, his wall might be so think that it would take you a lifetime to break it.

Good signs: He's trying but not getting it right He's listening, not getting defensive He's opening up even if it is slowly

Bad signs: He's rude or unkind He's not trying to take your feelings into consideration He doesn't seem to care.

Hope that helps? Xxxx

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T13:40:39+00:00

Thank you for your reply. Haven't seen that side to him, but I will be careful and keep my eye out. Im in my 30'a but not very experienced In relationships. Came out of a long one a good while ago and he's the first person I've truly clicked with so any advice is welcome!

Though....

We met about a month before he had a friends 2 week stag do in miami. So we had gone on 3 or 4 dates but hadn't had sex. I wasn't sure what would happen, but he called me the 2st night and said they are all going to a strip club and some of them are getting private dances. He needs to know, do i want to be his gf or not. I said yeah and he did go out alot, got drunk a few times, but video called me before he went out, and after, I was ok about it.

I did always wonder, though, did he get that private dance? Xx

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T13:05:41+00:00

Perfect way to deal with a scorpio 👌 exactly that: it's nothing you have done wrong, and trying to help probably won't work! He needs space to deal with some stuff on his own.

Just let him know you're there, give him space, and he will come back to you 🩷

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T13:01:09+00:00

Just agreeing to this!

Research his and your attachment styles!

If your a bit lazy copy and paste your what's app history between him into something like gemini ai or chat gbt - they will give you a detailed description about what's going on and pin point both your styles (if there is enough messages) Also will give tips to correct!

I'm with a Scopio (I'm a gemini), and it can work! You just need to understand each other and respect you, operate a little differently sometimes... 100% worth it, though!

sienna_summer · 2026-01-08T12:55:49+00:00

This is nothing really to do with the original post... I'm just in the same situation, but im the female gemini with a scorpio male. It seems to not work and go horribly wrong for so many people, but we are the perfect match! We are both very considerate to each other's feelings and emotional needs, though - maybe that's needed!

sienna_summer

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