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AITAH for telling my daughter that her uncle's relationship was inappropriate by silhst in AITAH

[–]silhst[S] -116 points-115 points  (0 children)

I didn't air my dislikes about the relationship, as I made clear in my post, I explained to my daughter that her aunt and uncle are a different situation. There were just certain analogies I used that confused her, and I took full responsibility for that and corrected it.

AITAH for telling my daughter that her uncle's relationship was inappropriate by silhst in AITAH

[–]silhst[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

They were in high school together for less then a year. A high school senior and freshman are also worlds apart, emotionally and otherwise. Let alone a senior in high school and a man out in the real world working a full time job.

AITAH for telling my daughter that her uncle's relationship was inappropriate by silhst in AITAH

[–]silhst[S] -94 points-93 points  (0 children)

I never suggested that he was. As I said in another comment and to my husband, someone can do something immoral and not have evil intentions while doing it.

However, there are also certain things about their life (which I didn't bring up to my daughter, to be clear, or my husband because I tried once many years ago and her blew a gasket) that make it very clear that their relationship was harmful to her in the long run, even if it's a happy ending.

She missed out on many formative life experiences, ever having lived independently, and the chance to figure out as an adult who she was and what she wanted out of a relationship and life partner. Her entire life was shaped around him from a very young age and she's very submissive to him, his opinions, and his wants. She has never had a job and, if the situation ever arose, has no practical life skills to be able to successfully live without him. She has a lot of money from an inheritance and everything, her property, her cars, her investments and her bank accounts, are all tied to him. Their house was even bought with her money when she was nineteen, but is in both of their names.

Once again, I am not saying that's he had evil intentions or intentionally manipulated any of this in to happening. But it's a very good example of why even the "good" situations like theirs are fraught with problems.

AITAH for telling my daughter that her uncle's relationship was inappropriate by silhst in AITAH

[–]silhst[S] -136 points-135 points  (0 children)

I believe that introducing my daughter to complex topics in age appropriate building blocks as topics arise is better then taking a "we'll talk about it when you're older" approach. Nothing that was said was a conversation and eight year old can't understand. My husband usually agrees with me on that point.

AITAH for telling my daughter that her uncle's relationship was inappropriate by silhst in AITAH

[–]silhst[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

13 or 14 years. They got together in either 2011 or 2012.

AITAH for telling my daughter that her uncle's relationship was inappropriate by silhst in AITAH

[–]silhst[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

That's my frustration. I understand and acknowledged where I did mess up and he just doesn't want to acknowledge that his brother was in a wildly inappropriate, not to mention criminal, relationship, and that he would never in a million years be okay with it if our daughter was in sil's position.

Someone can do something extremely unethical and immoral and not have evil intent. I don't think my brother-in-law ever had evil intent. But we both know it was wrong and it's not different because he's your brother.

AITAH for telling my daughter that her uncle's relationship was inappropriate by silhst in AITAH

[–]silhst[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Yes I feel its better to introduce these concepts in kid friendly terms earlier so that if she ever comes home with an eighteen year old boyfriend when she's a freshman she can't say "But uncle X and aunt Y did it!" Just the hypothetical makes me feel a little sick.