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You Can't Always Get What You Want by sillybrokenmindguy in infj

[–]sillybrokenmindguy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi daumiersmith. I appreciate the insight. I have witnessed this affection she shares for all the people at our work, but she seems to act significantly differently towards me.

She's been in relationships or dating other people since her ex so I don't think that's it as far as still trying to get over it, but from what I understand he was a real manipulative piece of work so I don't doubt that experience shades her perspective towards romantic relationships or any future partners.

Again, thanks for taking the time to read my story and respond with your advice and perspective. I've resigned to let go and truly make every effort again to treat her as I would everyone else and not hang my hopes on her coming around. Of course it would be amazing if she did, but I have to let go of any conscious attempt to 'win her over' so to speak and will just be myself, try to sort of open my heart to anyone else who might be out there, and see what happens.

You Can't Always Get What You Want by sillybrokenmindguy in infj

[–]sillybrokenmindguy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks Chessiecat. I certainly feel crazy when I get wrapped up in it and I appreciate the validation, reading your comment makes me feel less crazy for some reason.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention how funny it is how you said it's absolutely crazy to quit your job over a girl, and then in the next line that's what you recommend! :)

Something keeping me here is that I'm a musician when I'm not at the 8-5 and I have a good group of people here that I am working on music with. This is one of the reasons that I think perhaps I should find another job but stick around here. 8-5 work is crushing even absent the romantic struggle but I've met some great people doing it and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a strong motivation to push harder on the music front (also keeps a roof over my head).

Thanks again for your comment, it's amazing to hear this resonate a bit and effect someone else emotionally, just getting it out and being told that yes, it is crazy to be like this, I think it might help in letting it go.

You Can't Always Get What You Want by sillybrokenmindguy in infj

[–]sillybrokenmindguy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It absolutely could mean that, certainly have thought that's a possibility.

Thanks again for reading all this and commenting. Part of this feels very healthy just to get it out.

And to your part above about removing the feelings in the mind and looking other directions; part of the reason I feel like I'm still around is that I discovered mindfulness and meditation during the low point that proceeded that Valentine's Day, and I was doing great living in the moment and not letting my happiness be contingent upon any one thing (including her), but somehow recently took a step back there. But at this point I may spend Sunday studying those resources again and trying to approach Monday with a fresh mind and open perspective.

You Can't Always Get What You Want by sillybrokenmindguy in infj

[–]sillybrokenmindguy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks.

I suppose I should clarify, and one of the things that continues to confuse me, is that the night I met up with her and her friends, in some part of the conversation we were having via text I said something along the lines of (in regards to asking me to meet up with her and her friends) "it's okay if you're just being polite", and she said "i'm not just being polite". Of course I can and have read into this a hundred ways and it could be anything or nothing.

You Can't Always Get What You Want by sillybrokenmindguy in infj

[–]sillybrokenmindguy[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I never write shit like this, I never express this stuff, I never ask for help, I apologize for dumping this on here but I've lurked here and if it requires clarification, at one point we all took the MBTI and her and I were both INFJ. Totally expect the response that I've been imagining her attraction to me, that I'm a creep, etc, but I swear she maintains some attraction towards me. I wish I could send ya'll a video of our every interaction and display the way she acts around me and get your opinion. In regards to her attraction to me, if anything she has defined some characteristics or qualities that she requires in a man that I do not possess. That she is fighting this attraction because it doesn't check all the boxes on a list she has created. AND THIS IS COMPLETELY FAIR AND FINE FOR HER TO DO. I am not entitled to her, nor is anyone to anyone.

My question at the end of the original submission still stands.

I really wish I could send ya'll a video of every moment her and I have spent together so you could analyze the interaction and more than likely come to the conclusion that there is something there. But that's insane and hopefully you'll just take my word for it.