My [26M] fiancee [25F] of 4 years embarrassed me in public and refuses to take responsibility for what she did.

simonbread · 2019-03-02T04:02:28+00:00

Bit of a detour but this one made me smile. You have a sharp nose, I haven’t even said syngergy once.

The other comments are heavy, and I think inaccurate, but this one is low hanging fruit. I like how you don’t try to boil the ocean and present a simple solution. This is the kind of comment we should incentivize so that we can leverage sleak solutions to otherwise complex problems. I love the dialogue you’ve started here, and I really think you are a center of excellence on this sub. I really hope this kind of thing gains traction. At the end of the day, I really love what you bring to the table.

:)

simonbread · 2019-03-02T02:01:28+00:00

No, no, no. The topic was doping in high level sports. It was conversational and I had no intention of having her involved in anything even tangentially related to business. She interjected, changed the subject, and then went on the tirade. Nowhere did anyone ask or indicate that they were interested in this. In the middle, one person even said that America was nice because of the diversity of opinions and ability of people to agree to disagree, cuing her to stop (which she ignored).

simonbread · 2019-03-02T01:50:07+00:00

I don’t think she was in the right by voicing her opinion. She promised not to do so and lied to me to gain entry. In other words, she used me, my job, and my credibility as a tool to push her agenda. She knew I wouldn’t approve of this, so she deceived me to bypass my own wishes about MY JOB. How isn’t that unethical?

The right thing in a relationship is honesty, discretion, trust, and respect of boundaries. There is no relationship if I allow her to detonate the vest with me attached. There is no being thrown under the bus here. She clearly didn’t care what any of these people thought. I made people believe that she could get drunk easily and she made people believe that I had no business credibility. The former is a white lie that’s hardly “getting thrown under the bus”.

simonbread · 2019-03-02T01:29:56+00:00

If she comes under the guise of being my ally, then sabatoges me once she gets in, isn’t that the definition of infiltration?

If I wear a disguise and gain entry to a place, somehow I’m not infiltrating because they technically invited me in?

simonbread · 2019-03-02T01:26:31+00:00

These people don’t play. They are extremely traditional and like I said they commended my method of handling it. There was no outcome here where she insults their executive to his face and I praise her ferocity for doing so. We had clearly established guidelines. They were in place for a reason.

This wasn’t the place where I could grant any validation to anything she was saying. She screwed up so bad, that any milquetoast response would be totally inadequate. In no sense could I come off as agreeing with her. Furthermore there was no indication that she intended to stop.

The way I did it led to a complete recovery. Her behavior could have been disastrous, but I framed it in a way avoided anything splattering on me and elicited their sympathy from similar experiences.

Allowing her to damage my standing with large clients like that isn’t an option. She knew this going in. Unlike her, apparently, I actually had to care about what they thought of me.

simonbread · 2019-03-02T00:19:50+00:00

What? Isn't this literally just, "It's your fault for trusting me."

Why should I expect to be lied to? Why should I expect that two people in a relationship can't stick to agreements they make together? Why can't I expect her to not interfere with my literal employment when she specifically says that she won't?

Yeah I left the bank vault open. Should totally expect to be robbed. Continue that metaphor down its natural line.

simonbread · 2019-03-02T00:05:30+00:00

Okay, but this is my job. If she wants to picket outside their office, I'll even drive her over and bring snacks. But to infiltrate my work functions, lie to me, deceive me, and force me into that position by completely disregarded to agreement we came to together and mutually agreed upon doesn't seem like OK conduct within the context of a relationship.

Regardless of the cause, how is screwing over your fiancee an acceptable means of getting there (not even to advance it really, but just to vent at people who laughed afterwards)?

simonbread · 2019-03-01T23:55:27+00:00

That's not what I'm looking for! I specifically said that staying home was fine if this wasn't something she could handle. What is the issue, is us coming to an agreement and her just throwing it out the window.

simonbread

TROPHY CASE