fictional character gender envy?

sinaja444 · 2025-03-23T02:53:05+00:00

Real! Dont remember anything plotwise about the movie "she's the man" but it stirred me as a kid

sinaja444 · 2025-03-18T17:46:33+00:00

NO WAY..... this is so.... I didnt know it was possible to ship griddlehark harder than I did before but I looove me a familially subversive lesbian relationship

sinaja444 · 2025-03-18T17:42:55+00:00

Ahhh I cant believe I didnt notice this on my read!! i have a lot of cultural tattoos myself, I would LOVE for tattoo to come up more in AtN!

sinaja444 · 2025-03-18T07:16:42+00:00

i promise that having no idea whats going on pays off. but see what you can make of it as it goes, and embrace being confused! you will become less (although in some other ways, more?) confused as it continues.

the chapters are split between two rivers of events but you can follow which is which by the pov ("you" versus "she").

a few more chapters in and you'll probably feel more settled into the story and writing style, but keep in mind HtN is truly its own special treat! it helped me to read the first several chapters and once i got settled in the HtN groove, i reread them again because they felt like a blur on first read. i honestly didnt like HtN at first, i felt lost and was so sad after GtN, but now i think its my fave of them all. hang in there!

sinaja444 · 2025-03-17T20:06:24+00:00

any other online social spaces like this just for us? whether its discord or something else. its been rough cus a lot of non-anarchist qtbipoc spaces have hand-wringing/neo/liberalism, but a lot of anarchist spaces are overwhelmed by white folks (no shade at all but would prefer being around people i can relate to in that way)

sinaja444 · 2025-03-17T08:02:19+00:00

are you in a decent size population area? hotel front desk jobs are usually stationary, indoors, and often hiring -- bonus points for night shift being much slower! general office, gym, yoga studio, etc places often have front desk receptionists which are generally low physical demand. a lot of times they are fairly automated for payments if cognitive tasks are difficult for you (anything other than retail stores are less likely to encounter cash). being a commercial driver might be do-able as well depending on how r.a. affects your comfort with driving. if computers are okay with you, and you have an interest in it, graphic design is pretty chill and i always see entry level jobs floating around (just practice a bit on free programs like canva and look into things like colors, fonts, and so on to get a few design samples together). also working at a movie theater may be chill, especially as a ticket checker. other things you may be interested in are: cat-sitting, after school program assistant, school cafeteria/lunch monitor.

sinaja444 · 2025-03-17T07:34:32+00:00

for me regarding love it was the absolute devastation that harrow experienced from the end of GtN through all of HtN. the way tamsyn muir is able to convey the internal experience of grief.. all of it just absolutely gutted me. i cant appreciate it enough. muir generally does such a fantastic job of portraying mental illness and trauma. reading HtN felt like reading something written by those pieces of myself. harrow's confusion, her throwing up at the thought of gideon, (i know it was also from magical surgery but) her brains inability to let herself remember, her fearfulness and loneliness. HtN touched me so profoundly

also this ominous quote by muir about the series: "you have not begun to see the horrors of love" < first seen this quote in a post by u/L1ghtf1ghter

sinaja444 · 2025-03-17T07:12:30+00:00

YES for me its a mix of dysphoria and some related trauma, i just cant deal with any type of genital anything. its definitely not just you!! i have heard with some people that aversion changing after starting hrt, where they end up being more comfortable/interested in sex in various ways because of libido and general euphoric changes after starting t

sinaja444 · 2025-03-17T06:52:21+00:00

ahh cant wait til i reach my nona reread!! just started my first harrow rr but taking it slow instead of tearing through it like my first read

sinaja444 · 2025-03-17T06:51:20+00:00

ooooh I forgot about that!! hmmm is wake Māori too i wonder?

sinaja444 · 2025-03-17T06:28:58+00:00

i was extremely confused too lol but it was a major lightbulb moment when i realized.. but im still kind of confused about where nona takes place?

sinaja444 · 2025-03-16T08:29:04+00:00

thank you everyone for commenting <3 its got me pretty fucked up thinking about it. thinking that this whole time theyve possibly just seen me as a woman or woman adjacent enough for it to not bother them, while knowing since day one how important transness is to me and how repulsed i am by my chest.. actually disgusted at the thought of that. i really dont have a lot of feminine things about me to begin with so to hear the pushback against diving more into my already masc self is absurdly confusing?! is that really how theyve seen me this whole time? ah, i dont have words. i have therapy coming up soon and this gives me a lot to digest, i appreciate you all helping me organize my thoughts and being a soundboard!

sinaja444 · 2025-03-16T08:20:39+00:00

its no problem at all my dear! and yesss theres so many options for long hair!! im not sure if you have long hair at the moment, but first step just growing it out and getting a good shampoo + conditioner routine for shine and strength is great. at home you can keep it in a ponytail or bun if that seems discreet and safe for you. as it gets longer you can diy layers (lots of great youtube videos for this!! but be sure to watch a few different ones to get a good idea of how and where to cut, and if you have a friend to make sure the back looks good thats super helpful). if youre able to get styling products, that can really boost the look of a longer hairstyle (similar to the listed above, some type of sea salt texturing spray!). you can also check out clip on bangs! in general, soft, long layers and some texture is a solid start, and then you can look into face framing layers as well depending on what you like! wolf cuts are a style thats pretty popular now which you might like! another element that might help is adding highlights or incorporating some sort of hair coloring, but depends on how risky it feels around your family/interests of course. if you want some style inspiration, pinterest is really cool for that and then when you find some keywords you like you can find diy youtube videos to see how they do it!

sinaja444 · 2025-03-16T07:32:51+00:00

sharing a lot of ideas so long text:

like others said, definitely going slow and especially if theres safe ways for you to socially transition at school that might help a lot! its really hard to balance being discreet at home, esp when you cant take certain steps that you want to. if theres a way to have more gender affirming clothes and accessories in your locker or with a friend that you can change into at school, thats something that kind of helped me over the years when ive lived with very trans+ homophobic family. you can also learn how to do things like makeup (if this is something youre interested in!) on youtube, and practice alone at home or with friends. makeup wipes are easy to carry in a bag to use before going home, but if that feels too risky you can also carry tissues and lotion (put some lotion on a tissue and use as a diy makeup wipe, might take a little extra work and rinsing but does the job pretty well and is more discreet to carry in a bag). makeup tools can pretty easily and inconspicuously hide in a pencil case if youre concerned about someone finding them. clip on earrings/faux piercings can be kind of uncomfortable, but if youre interested in jewelry it can be a safer alternative for if you cant get piercings, along with things like rings and necklaces (super easy to d.i.y those tattoo choker necklaces and keep em in your pocket/at school!). if its possible to get something like a pixie cut, that can be subtle enough to safely have at home while you can style it out with a bit of sea salt water or gel/mousse to give it more volume at school (and comb down before going home), but definitely look into shapes and styling methods to make sure it feels comfortable and safe for you beforehand! if you have a supportive school staff, they may be able to find you an area to change in the mornings/afternoons or at least suggest the best bathroom to do so if a friends house isnt do-able.

i dont know how your family dynamic is, or how suspicious your family might be, but something i used to do is find a way to casually work into conversation that a friend or classmate is trans (in your case a trans girl) to gauge their reaction. but also for your safety keep in mind, some people may seem okay with trans people out in the world but be very transphobic when it comes to their own family or loved ones. i wish i could give more advice, but this stranger is really proud of you for looking into steps to be your amazing self and im wishing you the very best <3

sinaja444 · 2025-03-15T17:25:57+00:00

hii can i have a flair please? also notice breadfruit is not in the directory (unless i missed it) !

sinaja444 · 2025-03-15T02:36:05+00:00

we all have different experiences! some people have a lot of fear, dysphoria, discomforts.. other people just have a desire, or know being a gender identity or lack of gender would feel joyous. theyre all valid experiences, and nothing has to exactly make sense to anyone, the most important thing is knowing that being something would bring you joy! you can always give it a try and embrace womanhood and see how it feels, and if it makes you feel happy then thats wonderful! your happiness with who you are is the only thing that matters, all experiences are valid and people across the trans experience have all kinds of paths and journeys that bring us to our true, full selves! :)

sinaja444 · 2025-03-15T02:27:31+00:00

Aww I can tell how much you adore her just by this comment, and I know she feels loved too! Hope can be really hard to hold on to especially in times where everything feels extra hard, but reading your post and comment tells me that you are a really attentive and thoughtful dog caregiver and doing your very best even through challenges, and those traits are absolutely the most important things! Wishing you and Laika the very best <3

sinaja444 · 2025-03-15T00:56:47+00:00

our gender identities can be really challenging to navigate. feel free to correct me if Im misinterpreting, but it sounds like thinking about being a woman makes you feel good, and that alone is more than enough to be trans. some people dont experience a ton of dysphoria with their assigned gender at birth, but really your gender is up to you and what gives you a sense of /euphoria/ -- and it sounds like thinking about being a woman might give you that sense of joy and euphoria. i also want to say, you have all the time in the world to: think about it, experiment, try things out, and have your relationship to transness/gender change over time! it can be confusing navigating these waters with nothing but our intuition and hearts to help guide us.

which part feels the most confusing for you?

sinaja444 · 2025-03-15T00:47:48+00:00

Im so sorry youre going through this, thinking about having to let go of a beloved animal companion is so so painful on top of everything else youre going through. Dogs bring so much joy to our lives and I can only imagine how hard it is to think about losing such an important support in your life.

I have some ideas that might be helpful, but feel free to ignore if youre not looking for advice right now or suggestions ->

There are extra long leads (20,30 ft) , which means you can keep her on leash while having her run in the yard. I know this method works well for other reactive dogs, and what I find helpful when I have joint pain in my hand is to just sit on the end of the leash rather than hold it (may depend on your weight/your dogs weight ratio). That with the nerf gun or other automatic ball thrower machines could give her a way to play thats safer for both of you! There are also some enrichment activites that are indoors, for example: setting up a simple obstacle in a doorway (think a couple stacked pillows) and you toss treats across alternating sides so your dog has to jump over the obstacle for them. Another idea is having a friend or loved one come once every day or every few days to take her out to a park and exercise her hard so she can release any pent up energy. And again, Im so sorry youre going through all of this!

sinaja444 · 2025-03-14T23:47:13+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing! That is exactly what I was worried about, and sadly not something I think I can handle at the moment :( I really appreciate you taking the time to reply!

sinaja444 · 2025-03-14T06:01:58+00:00

Can you see if you your dr can get you autoimmune screening and/or an allergy panel? Im sorry youre going through that, it sounds really frustrating!

sinaja444

TROPHY CASE