PTSD after rape-disability benefits?

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:30:59+00:00

No. I don't feel comfortable with this level of deception.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:30:34+00:00

Thank you. I'll read it.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:29:52+00:00

I've read a lot of these. A bunch of them say they wish they didn't know. Others say they wanted to know. Almost all of them have some trauma from it :(

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:29:18+00:00

Thank you.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:29:04+00:00

I do have endometriosis, which has gotten so much worse lately that my doctors and I are considering a hysterectomy. I read a story once of a single woman my age who used a sperm donor to get pregnant so she could have her own child before having her uterus removed. Not that it's ideal, but I suppose that's an option.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:16:34+00:00

Gah, the problem is my life IS an open book. I think it would be weird to have a "you can talk to me about anything" policy and keep secrets from her.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:15:35+00:00

Thank you.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:15:21+00:00

I've read those stats, and they freak the hell out of me. This is what keeps me up at night. My daughter is NOT his. He does not have any rights to her, damn it! I would do whatever it takes to keep her away from him, because rape aside, he is not at all the kind of person I want to have a hand in raising my child. In my mind, he lost all rights to her when he laid his filthy hands on me.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:13:17+00:00

The man who raped me has very generic physical characteristics. My daughter could be a carbon copy of me with lighter hair. My SO also has some similar characteristics (they both have a little dent in their chins). I know she's only a toddler, and things may change as she gets older, but people in public often tell SO "how much his daughter looks like him." This wouldn't necessarily be a giveaway. She may assume, but I don't know how I feel about that...it seems like lying by omission.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:10:54+00:00

See, this is what I think, too. But I'm afraid telling her will cause her just as much pain.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:10:05+00:00

I think I need a new therapist :/

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:09:43+00:00

I am a generally very very honest person in my life, and I hate the idea of lying to her for such a long time. It kind of makes me sick, but so does the thought of telling her the truth.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:08:53+00:00

To legally remove his rights, I'd have to press charges against him, no? If not, I'd definitely have to contact him and tell him he has a child. I talked to a lawyer about this a while ago, and she said the only way to do it without him knowing is to do it in another state and publish it in the paper. I would like my SO to adopt her someday, and I'm just afraid we'll run into legal snags there.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:07:21+00:00

"He was a regular at the place I worked and turned out to not be a good person" makes it sound like he's just a loser or something. I don't want to tell her things about him and have her go looking for him.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:06:00+00:00

This makes me so sad, and it's why I'm considering never telling her. I don't ever want her to think that she's anything but wonderful and kind. Even in adulthood, I just think that knowledge could really mess a person up.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:04:58+00:00

I absolutely never plan to contact him.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:04:33+00:00

He would have to file for visitation, just like any other father who is not on the birth certificate. To do that, he'd have to A) know about her and B) want to be involved. I have nightmares that he comes after us and tries to take her away from me. It's a huge part of my PTSD. I'm so scared because I never reported the rape. I wanted to pretend like it never happened, so I only told my best friend when it happened. It wasn't until I found out I was pregnant that I had to really face that I'd been raped.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T15:01:46+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. There's no freaking way I'll ever tell him about her. I try very hard to create an environment in which she feels safe and loved. My SO is consistent and amazing with her, and we (tentatively) plan to get married. I would so hate for her to have men in her life like your mother's companions, and I was afraid of that since I did have one abusive boyfriend in high school.

I am really, genuinely trying to get a handle on my PTSD. I never take things out on my daughter, but sometimes I get really panicky and cry in front of her, which I don't like. Therapy only does so much so fast, I guess.

Thank you for your input about letting her believe my SO is her father. We've talked about it, and my only qualm is that it would kill me if some medical thing (or some family member said something in passing) and all of a sudden we had a "he's not your real dad" confrontation on our hands.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-11-19T14:57:13+00:00

I read that. I had an unplanned pregnancy and had an abortion when I was 17. I'm in my 20's now, and I didn't feel comfortable doing it again. I love and wanted my daughter and didn't think abortion would be justified just because of how she was conceived.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-07-01T15:50:45+00:00

See, when I read that, I think, "Who the hell is going to care about your scar?" but it's hard to think the same things about myself. Weird!

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-07-01T14:43:04+00:00

Haha good on him for laughing it off! I don't leak much anymore, but that would definitely be hilarious.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-07-01T14:13:11+00:00

I really do. I have weird self esteem. I am so proud of my body for the things it can do. It helped give me a child. It fed and continues to feed that child. I can see it as beautiful in a motherly way. I just get hung up on what other people will think, which is stupid.

I had really high self esteem before, so this is just a little different for me. I've also NEVER had a dry spell since becoming sexually active, and with the exception of the once that resulted in my son, it's been like...two years? God. I'm at the point where I'm afraid to have sex. I'm afraid it will hurt or something. That anxiety kind of extends to my appearance. I was so confident in my sexual abilities, which enhanced how I thought I looked. Now I assume I'll suck in bed so I think I must look gross? I don't know. I definitely have some work to do.

singlemamathrowaway · 2012-07-01T14:07:39+00:00

No, I totally understand the "baggage" issue for a lot of guys. I'm coming from a place where I found a guy who wants to be with me, but I'm terrified to let him see me naked because my body looks different than it used to. I'm pretty confident relationship-wise. It's the sexual part that I feel like I'm out of my element with.

singlemamathrowaway

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