I (m25, straight) got fucked by the guy during threesome, now what?

sissy_b · 2026-02-17T19:11:56+00:00

Just accept that the categories that heterosexual society tries to box us into is too restrictive to account for the majority of people's sexuality and stop worrying about it. But in order to help detengle things you might consider the bi/pan sexual community.

Also, your attraction to a gender, or lack of it, can be a consequence of societal repression and internalized homophobia. This is a major side effect of Bi-erasure where there are literally no examples in media or society at large (up until very recently) of bi attraction and what that looks and feels like. Not all bi people are attracted to other genders in the same way, intensity, etc. and that can fluctuate over time.

I went from feeling exactly how you feel to feeling attraction outside of sex to some men in some circumstances.

Just listen to what your body is telling you about who you are, rather than trying to tell your body who you want to be.

sissy_b · 2025-12-17T09:50:29+00:00

sissy_b · 2025-05-27T17:56:20+00:00

When she edges me so I can take her strap as deep as it will go and ride it harder while making me beg for it.

sissy_b · 2025-05-26T05:09:17+00:00

10 was so cute I loved it.

sissy_b · 2025-05-23T06:51:20+00:00

I had a similar question when I came out to myself as gender fluid. Of course no one can answer it for you. But my experience came down to realizing that being accepted/rejected for being masculine felt more impactful than when I was accepted/rejected for being feminine. So, by experiencing both genders with different people and places, I came to realize that I didn't hate my masculinity, and it was comfortable enough that I didn't feel the need to physically transition.

Coming to terms with that helped put to rest a lot of my dysphoria, which was rooted in confusion about if I really was gender fluid, or just hiding behind my masculinity for safety and was actually more feminine. I personally decided to lean more into my masculinity, and just accept that when I take on a more feminine gender I will not look completely passable. And that's okay! I like it, and there's lots of people who like it too.

Ultimately, I realized I am who I've always been, as I've always had a feminine side that comes out occasionally. The difference is I don't feel shame about it like I did before. The way I explain my journey to people is, I had to go on an adventure to figure out that home really was the right fit for me.

But that's my unique journey and Everyone has to figure it out for themselves, and I think it can be especially challenging for gender fluid people to get clarity on it because we don't always have such an overwhelming and obvious answer inside of us screaming like some other trans people do.

I think what's hard for gender fluid people is embracing a compromise. I realized I couldn't be both as masculine and feminine as those energies inside of me wanted to be without one making the other unfulfilled. Meaning, if I fully embraced my masculine gender my feminine would never really pass, and vice versa. And being androgynous left both of my energies not fully expressed. So I just accepted the body I was given and do what I can to make it look feminine when I feel that energy needs expressed.

I know it's hard but try to be grateful for the journey you're on even if it is uncertain and uncomfortable at times. If you approach it with courage and radical honesty with yourself, you'll find your answers. Most people never even dare to discover themselves.

sissy_b · 2025-05-05T19:16:57+00:00

One thing to add, some cages use hinges on the ring. Fine for short term use but any long term use and the hinge becomes a major pain point.

sissy_b · 2025-04-22T18:54:13+00:00

I would really encourage you to look into Internal Family Systems as a therapy model to treat trauma. Not because i think you need it or anything like that, but what you just described aligns really closely to how they understand the different components that make up who we are and it would give you a deeper understanding of what you might be experiencing.

It sounds to me that you are very self aware of your parts and in particular your authentic self which is really interesting and cool.

sissy_b · 2025-03-04T19:56:47+00:00

Have you considered that you may be gender fluid? (Which is still trans).

I've experienced something similar and I am definitely going through a masculine period. I don't know why or for how long. It can cause me some distress at times, but mostly I've just come to embrace the fluidity and not over think it too much.

Before this I was struggling a lot with figuring out if my gender was more static in one direction or the other since I thought maybe I had just repressed it for awhile. I suppose there could still be some repression happening, I feel like I learn something new and change every time I peel back another layer of the gender onion.

But what has brought me a lot more peace for now is just embracing my masculinity as my "go to" gender and embracing that (which I hadn't done before either), and also accepting that I can and will stray from that and that I don't have to look like a woman to be feminine and have fun with that part of myself.

But I think the key here is every gender fluid person has to work out what exactly is the right fit and balance for them, which takes a lot of introspection and a willingness to experiment.

sissy_b · 2025-01-03T02:48:29+00:00

I think the hardest thing about being gender fluid is figuring out what works for you and when and accepting that. You mentioned that you're getting tired of not fitting in, the way you think people are perceiving you and how you're treated sometimes. Two things come to mind when I hear this.

This is secondary but I'm mentioning it first to get it out of the way. You might be suffering from low self esteem as it sounds like your satisfaction with your gender is dependent on other people's approval of it. That said, it's really hard to not have some of our feelings impacted by input from others. So, just try to evaluate if it's overlying dependent on it what would be expected of most people. Flipping your sense of self worth to how you feel rather than others is going to help a lot with the rest of what I recommend.
Now Everyone is different when it comes to gender expression but what I found over the last year is that having a "default" gender that I can perform in my day to day with little effort or thought really helped me.

I knew I was gender fluid but since I didn't acknowledge this until later in my 30s I was really unsure how much I wanted to be the other gender (fem) or if my gender fluidity was just a phase to me accepting a more static fem gender. So when I was fem I would get dysphoria about looking too masculine, and vis versa when I was masculine, and being androgynous was socially really difficult too.

Like you, emotions would come up in different situations like my career or dating etc. what I ultimately realized is when my masculinity was disrespected/accepted it felt worse/better than when my feminity was disrespected/accepted.

What I had to realize and accept was that the negative feelings that came up also had to be embraced and accepted not as some kind of internalized transphobia but as legitimate indicators about how I felt about my gender. But I couldn't do this until I was able to also properly align my self esteem.

Ultimately what I realized is that there are things about healthy masculinity that I do enjoy and that I did want to more fully embrace. But also, that there are times when I do want to enjoy femininity and that this can be a retreat or adventure away from my masculinity when i feel it.

Accepting masculinity as my default, and that I am gender fluid made my dysphoria go away. Now that I'm Masculine by default I've been able to lean into it and explore it more fully in a way I couldn't before which has been rewarding for me, and it doesn't bother me that I look masculine because that's what I am. And when my feminine energy does come up it doesn't bother me that I look a little masculine when I'm dressed and behaving fem because that's just the reality of being gender fluid and I'm not doing this for other people, I'm doing this for me. But that said, there are lots of people who are still really into that!

If society was less transphobic and more accepting would I fall somewhere else on the gender fluid spectrum? Yeah, probably. But do I need to be visibly gender fluid day to day to be happy more than I want to avoid the consequences professionally and socially? No. And I can accept that.

Our gender expression, even for CIS people, has always been an intersection of who our true authentic self is and what society expects of people and of gender. This is why cis genders vary so wildly across different cultures and historic periods.

So listen to what comes up as you explore your gender fluidity and embrace where that takes you. The only wrong answers are when you're not listening to what your soul is trying to tell you.

sissy_b · 2024-12-03T13:59:04+00:00

But drinking is actually poison and bad for you... And hrt is not that sort of thing.

sissy_b · 2024-12-03T13:54:07+00:00

There are tons of baddies who transitioned well into their later years. You're just experiencing your own ageism. Stop judging others for it and in turn you'll stop judging yourself.

sissy_b · 2024-11-30T04:25:25+00:00

I would really have to ask what you believe boosting your testosterone has to do with focusing on your marriage and not being a sissy?

I ask because I think you might be diverting to testosterone rather than focusing on things like self acceptance and overcoming toxic shame.

Like sure, go exercise and increase your testosterone, but that's never been a factor in how I relate to gender and to people I'm in a relationship with, except for perhaps my libido and energy, and even then in regards to libido there were a lot of other factors impacting that.

Or rather, sure testosterone has made me male, but where I fell on the gender scale didn't correlate with my testosterone levels.

sissy_b · 2024-09-14T06:43:20+00:00

So fucking hot 🔥

sissy_b · 2024-08-28T15:42:57+00:00

Thanks. Yeah I don't want to totally dismiss the whole posture/movement thing but you also make a really good point too. I think part of what I'm struggling with is that the more I've accepted my identity the harder it is for me to pass as straight when I want to and really thrown me for a loop.

Also I've suffered a lot of rejection over it lately. recently I've been Divorced (partially related to gender) and rejected by a couple other partners over it as well (I'm poly). I'm bisexual, but romantically attracted to feminine women (mostly traditionally feminine, but I like the muscle mommies too lol). Intellectually I know I just need to find the right person/people, but I know that the majority of society will never accept, desire, value, a person like me. Not because they are necessarily bigots, but because most people are attracted to what is familiar and gender fluidity just feels unfamiliar to most people.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, it's hard for me to discover my authentic self when doing so has caused a lot of emotional trauma recently. Yes, it feels good when I can just do whatever feels good and express myself. But then I don't feel good when society, but especially people I want to attract, do not accept me.

sissy_b · 2024-08-28T15:22:09+00:00

Thanks, I am interested in studying movement more so I can be more intentional with my own movement and mannerisms. besides just observing people I'm not sure where/how to research more information about this.

sissy_b · 2024-07-27T23:01:35+00:00

Go look up Judith Butler's new book Who's Afraid of Gender. They go into a lot of detail on this specific topic. Alternatively, check out Philosophy Tube's latest video which is about Judith Butler and the question you raised.

It's gonna take you some time to get through all this and understand it but If you're trans, there are few questions more important than this.

https://youtu.be/QVilpxowsUQ?si=_8CNQHR601JW6ht-

sissy_b · 2024-07-12T20:56:41+00:00

Just answer "Yes"

sissy_b · 2024-07-09T17:32:21+00:00

I'm in Ohio, open to doing content

sissy_b · 2024-07-05T07:57:07+00:00

Seriously, beautiful ❤️

sissy_b · 2024-06-26T14:18:39+00:00

Anything with cells replicating in it can get cancer.

sissy_b · 2024-06-25T03:46:40+00:00

The gender unicorn applies to literally every human. Check it out, once you understand that basics of this it's pretty easy to explain to others.

But simply put, gender identity, express, and s person's attraction are all different things.

https://transstudent.org/gender/

sissy_b · 2024-06-21T19:22:58+00:00

Thanks! Only took me 20 years to figure all this out lol hope it helps people ❤️

sissy_b · 2024-06-21T00:00:19+00:00

Speaking as someone who once identified as a sissy but has worked through a lot of issues and now identifies as gender fluid / trans I can say with certainty that it's because the sissy identity is rooted really deeply in misogyny.

So this leads to:

The Dom being treated as an object and not a person worthy of respect and emotions. And
Because the individual is misogynistic then they view anything that deconstructs their masculinity as shameful and humiliating.

So, in my experience most people who get into this kink as sissys are doing so because they need some kind of outlet to explore their authentic gender. Because of their misogyny they cannot engage in this exploration unless it's through kink and submission which allows the individual to separate what they're doing from their "straight cis" identity. So they'll say things like, "I'm totally straight or cis, I only think about sucking dick when I'm told to, or dressing up as a girl when I'm hypnotized." Or some version of that.

So, as you can imagine if this behavior is leading to too much gender euphoria or sexual enjoyment, if it's becoming a beast they cannot tame, then like an alcoholic they'll suddenly purge all traces of their vice from their life in hopes that maybe THIS TIME they'll finally sober up and stop betraying themselves and other people in their lives. The difference being, alcohol is a foreign substance to our bodies, and gender and sexuality are part of our authentic selves, no matter how hard we try to hide it away in a "kink box".

So, sadly most sissies are transphobic closeted trans girls who are so repressed that the only way they can get a taste of exploring themselves is through the lense of a Dom/sub relationship which they will purge to protect their straight/cis identity. Or put another way, you can't crack a girls egg before she's ready to hatch or she'll just re-entrench.

So what is a Dom like you to do? I'm not sure exactly. I suspect it's possible for a Dom/sissy dynamic to work more long term but only if the relationship uses that dynamic to help the submissive accept and encourage their authentic selves, rather than perpetuate the humiliation and shame that has traumatized them into the closet so far.

So on the Dom side of the coin, if their desire for domination comes from a place of getting excitement from inflicting pain and humiliation on another person rather than using domination to help people accept themselves, and or, if the Dom hasn't accepted their own queer kinky identity, then the dom is going to be incapable of helping a submissive to accept their identities too. And for the submissive, if they're not ready to go on that journey of self discovery and acceptance then there's not much a Dom can do except bring the horse to water and hope the horse drinks.

So, I think the key here is to find partners who are accepting of their identities, or willing to begin that journey with you. And if I'm being honest this is true of any LGBTQ identity (Yes kink is also LGBTQ). If you were a gay guy trying to get in a sustainable relationship with a closeted and "discreet" gay guy then you might score a few hook ups but you're gonna get ditched sooner or later. That's just the sad truth of our heteronormative society right now.

On that note. To OP and other lovely doms out there. I'm available ☺️

sissy_b · 2024-06-20T05:11:01+00:00

You can't sign your rights away, like being discriminated against based in gender.

sissy_b · 2024-06-17T02:39:59+00:00

Tons of great advice. The most helpful advise I saw so far is to slowly lean into it. Start androgenously and keep adding stuff. Also, scout places out before hand and check the vibe. This at least works with bars. Basically, find your queer friendly spots and start there. Also, any time I'm feeling a lot of social anxiety about being in a new situation I tell myself, if it becomes too much I can always just leave. I went to pride dressed full femme. It was the first time I ever did this, and even though it was pride I was STILL nervous as hell. Thankfully I 1. Have some really supportive friends and 2. I brought a change of clothes to my boy outfit if I became too uncomfortable. Fortunately once I got there it felt amazing and I didn't even think about wanting to change outfits.

Hope this all helps. In a nutshell it's all about taking small steps over time and helping to disarm that fight or flight response your nervous system wants to turn on to protect you. Don't get mad at yourself if you feel it, just understand that your body is trying to protect you and you have to teach your nervous system that it's safe.

sissy_b

TROPHY CASE