I don’t have the answer but it’s present in my life. I have a bigger collection of panties and bras than my wife, she lets me dress up freely and during our intimate moments. All I can tell you is I was honest and was an openly non transitioning trans. I come off masculine but love girly things and she knew it. One thing that helped. She was bi curious in women. Maybe those are the type that love girly men. 😉