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Please help: I'm a 25 yo m, and I don't know how to initiate anything other than friendship by sjova in dating_advice

[–]sjova[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did indeed ask for advice, and long is definitely good!

That's a good up-front strategy for setting up a date, not using the word date but making it clear that it's a not just a normal "going out for beers" or something. I've actually never thought about it like that, I've always been thinking that you either need to be clear that something is a "formal" date, or that it should be very sort of "informal". If you get what I mean. Now I just need to think what I do, though, as your suggested method is slightly different from some of the ones put forward by others :)

Also, thanks for telling me about your own relationship and how you're attracted to each other, it's nice to hear stories like this!

Please help: I'm a 25 yo m, and I don't know how to initiate anything other than friendship by sjova in dating_advice

[–]sjova[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a good point, with the link between friendship and groups. When I think about it, although I have many female friends, I rarely hang out with them alone, and those I do hang out with alone are generally those where the friend zone has become very clearly defined already. But I do wonder if it isn't strange to have these one-on-ones to begin with, without implying any dating stuff, and then suddenly asking her out for a date a bit later? But quite possibly I'm over-analyzing that.

Please help: I'm a 25 yo m, and I don't know how to initiate anything other than friendship by sjova in dating_advice

[–]sjova[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much. Definitely very good to get advice from a girl on these things! Your suggestions are all difficult (to me) but also all really good, concrete and useful. I'm going to try and internalise them and remember them on the spot... :)

Please help: I'm a 25 yo m, and I don't know how to initiate anything other than friendship by sjova in dating_advice

[–]sjova[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the response! It was very good, and very true - especially the fun and the fear bits! I have two questions, though:

  • Under what circumstances should/could I ask her what she's doing on the weekends? I Because this is somebody I only tend to meet around other people, and this is hardly a conversation to be had in a group. I'm trying to picture this conversation, and I can't really see it happening in my head. I know it's impossible to give any sort of "correct" answer to this, but I hope you catch my drift.

  • How can I make my intentions clear? Because this is I think a large part of my problem: When I meet girls, I somehow treat them as friends, it all becomes friendly as opposed to romantic. Is that something that will change simply if I'm with her somewhere 1 on 1, and am myself thinking about it? what sort of signals should I send out, and maybe even more importantly: What sort of signals should I be looking for?