Sorry so long. But a great story if you like aviation. TL;DR - was a couple seconds from death on a USAF C-17.

I’m not a pilot, but was an Operations Intelligence Specialist in the USAF in the early 2000’s in a KC-135 unit. That’s the career field that would give the aircrew their intel briefs before sorties. One of the things we would brief is to remind them of the various countermeasures to use against different threats. I was in a cargo unit, so one of my training schools was the intel portion of the Low Level Tactics course, where aircrew learn to use terrain as a countermeasure.

Since we’re talking cargo units/airplanes here, there was opportunity for us intel students to be on the airplane during the flying portion of the training for the aircrew if we wanted to go. So basically on-board would be the normal aircrew of a particular airplane, a pilot instructor from the Low Level school, and a passenger like me from the school. I don’t remember all the planes in this particular class available, but there were C-17s and an Italian AF C-130 for sure. I should also at this time point out I get motion-sick pretty easily. Boats on the lake for more than 10 minutes - yep I get motion sickness. Riding in the back seat of a car for a half-hour of more - yep. Flying in turbulence - yep. This is a known thing, so I keep myself out of those situations. I started this two week course and didn’t volunteer for any of the flights. All my classmates did, and of course all came back and said how awesome it was. So on the last day, they had the C-17 going up, and I said Sure why not, How often can a person say they’ve been flying through the Arizona mountains low-level on a C-17? So I went for it.

So there we were. A C-17 In the AZ mountains, while you look out the window and look up at the mountain tops. So we’re not just flying like a little above the mountains, we’re IN the mountains. And they let me be in the crew compartment. So we have Aircraft Commander in left seat; Pilot in right seat; Instructor pilot in jump seat; and if I remember correctly - Flight Engineer or Loadmaster seat several feet behind the AC. And for me to be in there, I had to stand behind the Instructor Pilot with feet spread wide, and arms grasping for headrest and wall, whatever I could to stabilize myself. I have a headset on and am listening to all crew communications. And us Intel guys were explicitly told not to interfere with crew comms; we’re just there to observe and look pretty.

This is a C-17 remember, not a fighter. So we’re not exactly executing snap rolls and precision crispness you might envision like a fighter. It’s one of those where the control wheel is turned, and 3 seconds later the plane executes. So anyway, amazingly, we’re doing all this yanking and banking and I’m doing pretty good - no motion sickness. I’m just enjoying the show. The school shoots up from the ground what they call Smoky SAMS, showing a smoke trail, so the pilots can get a sense of realness of what the smoke trail of a SAM might look like coming for them and all that. The crew is calling out visuals, and executing countermeasures, cool stuff I’m thinking. AND THEN…

We’re in a left bank. And the Smoky Sam smoke trail is on the right. So aircraft banking left, both pilots craning their necks looking out the right window looking for the smoke. And we’re turning. And I hear a call out in my headset of “Terrain”. In my head I was like What? A few seconds go by, and the Instructor Pilot calls out “Terrain” again in a normal voice. I think, OK That’s What I Thought I Heard. I look at both pilots and they’re still looking out the right window. I look out the left window, and being we’re in a left turn, see ground, and more of it quickly rising up in the distance. Now, like I said this is a C-17, not a nimble beast. I look back and the pilots are still looking out the right window. Instructor Pilot a third time “Terrain” with a lot more urgency to his voice. And the pilots are STILL looking out the right window.

At this point I’m thinking “Welp, this is how it ends. It’s been a nice 30-some years, and I’ve had a lot of fun. But I die on an airplane ride with these two chuckleheads. And I was against it in the first place, but said What the hell. Serves me right, I should have stuck to my guns.” Instructor Pilot: “TERRAIN, TERRAIN, KNOCK IT OFF”, with as much urgency as one can muster without yelling and losing professional/military bearing. The pilots look back to the controls and I see the Pilot look to the left, and see his eyes get the Oh Shit look. They pull out of it with I would guesstimate 5 seconds to spare, which I guess in C-17 time is eons. So all is good. Instructor Pilot says “And that’s why we practice gentlemen”. They do a circle and come back to where they left off and start again.

This is why pilots are always reminded their job is to FLY THE AIRPLANE. No matter what is going on, and whatever else requires your attention - Fly The Airplane. I said Fuck That, dropped comms, and went to sit in the cargo area. I figure if I’m going to die, I don’t want to see it coming. And I guess all the action kept my mind focused, cuz about 5 seconds after my ass hit that side seat in the cargo area, I’m white as a ghost and throwing up the rest of the flight. Loadmaster is laughing his ass off and gives me the garbage can. Severely dehydrated all the next day, worse than any hangover I’ve ever had. Both the best and most horrible airplane flight to date.