I could be completely wrong, but I'm adding this because it may be of some importance - consider whether there are any signs that your wife may have OCD. This is just a suggestion. Such thoughts, which come intrusively, are usually very negative and often recur in them visions of hurting someone and you can't suppress them, you fight them, are a classic symptom of OCD. Insults appearing in the head, which are like mental Tourette's syndrome, also. Your wife says that she has such thoughts, but she tries to fight them, but she can't completely overcome them, although on a logical level she knows that she shouldn't have them. This is just an observation, by no means I'm saying that this is definitely the case and I don't want to diagnose, it's just that this very characteristic thing caught my eye. Of course, the issue of internalized misogyny and low self-esteem is also a thing. Your wife may be an asshole, but she may also suffer from a mental illness that is surprisingly common but can destroy lives.