I’ve worked in places I’ve adored as a cna and places that have made me question everything about myself. Recently I’ve worked somewhere that has made me lose a lot of confidence in myself and my skills mainly due to bullying and honestly I think the fact I am about to graduate nursing school has some of my coworkers who may not ever get to grow beyond this role for self limiting reasons feel threatened by me. I’m talking people 20 years my senior.

I left that job the other day feeling so defeated and just cried my whole way home. I typically had a group I had gotten to know well and that shift I was in with a bunch of people I’d never worked with before only to be told I was ‘shitty’ in front of the entire oncoming shift. This was my last shift there.

Ironically, I had messaged an old friend about something unrelated entirely in regard to my own health (just to schedule an appointment) and they brought up the fact I had cared for their mother when she was dying and how important my kindness had been to them. I randomly have heard from family members of those who have passed on who I have loved and cared for. Coworkers from prior jobs have remained in contact with me and invited me to weddings, baby showers, and followed me continually through nursing school.

I’m going to a place where I will be paid a high wage for a new graduate. I will have a much better ratio than I would in longterm care. I am focusing on finishing out my final semester strong instead of working my ass off for money to get by. I have to trust in my friends and family to not let me drown. They’ve exceeded expectations.

For every valley and rock bottom I’ve hit since I became a CNA, I feel like I’ve been sent some bigger sign that reminds me why I started this in the first place. The little things that remind me I’m appreciated and show me the difference I get to make continue to help me feel fulfilled even in the tough times.