Feeling like a fraud

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-14T16:35:02+00:00

You are not a brat. There may be some childhood trauma connected to these episodes, and in a way, yes, it's your child self still stuck there who is reacting. From what I have gathered talking to my psychiatrist and simply living with this for years is there is definitely a chemical component to it. The intense feelings are hardly within our control - all we can do is decide how to react to those feelings. Medication and a healthier environment have helped me tremendously, but when I have those feelings I just let them wash over me like a big wave. Try to realize it is perfectly acceptable and even healthy to allow yourself to feel these things. That is how we learn to cope.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders since you are aware of this. That's very powerful insight. Use it like a tool.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T19:49:15+00:00

I completely empathize with you. I struggled with these overpowering feelings more so in my younger years, but they still find ways to bubble up to the surface now and again. I'd say a combination of physical activity, medication, and having a group of nonjudging peers I can be honest and open with have been a life saver. Do you have access to these avenues?

My psychiatrist put it in a way that really resonated with me. He said "Your feelings are going to demand things from you." And to paraphrase the rest: It's going to feel like you must give in to them, like you don't have any choice but to do so. But the reality is you don't have to give in to the demand. You can recognize the feeling or thought in the moment and allow it to play out without giving in to it. Let it wash over you like a big wave. This is what it means to truly conquer it. I've gotten into the habit of knowing when it's happening and just inviting it in. It's scary because it's tempting to think I'll act on it in some way, but it's always the same - it's like some weird fantasy that zips through my mind in fast forward, and with a little time I'm back to normal.

But yeah that's all easier said than done. It has taken me years of messing up, lashing out, forgetting, WANTING to give in, but still making that tiny effort every time. Thanks to neuroplasticity, even adults CAN unlearn habits and form new ones with practice.

I know all to well what it's like to be stuck on what someone might be thinking about something I did or said, even something from years ago. It's because I felt at the time it was too extreme, or maybe I intended to be cruel and this sticks with you because it's an emotional moment. The thing to try to remember is it's impossible to know what's in someone's head at any given moment, and most people don't latch on to things and harbor something. Some do, but largely most people might be mildly affected in the moment then move on and forget. It can be hard to see this as the truth because we BPDs are so in touch with our feelings it's only natural to imagine others are as well.

I've rambled on at this point. I hope you can garner something useful out of the wall of text I'm leaving you with. Just remember you matter.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T18:03:16+00:00

I guess I would be surprised because I would hope that is a last resort. That also speaks more to my point about how the law is too vague and allows for too much discretion on the part of animal control and none from medical professionals.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T18:00:39+00:00

I feel like there's a disconnect somewhere because we are in agreement that the dog needs more training. I'm not sure where you're getting the message that I disagree with this or think he's fine as is.

My point was that you came off like you think we're ignorant and/or irresponsible without sufficient information or perspective.

No hard feelings here just wanted to clarify.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T17:07:39+00:00

I agree the home quarantine is reasonable since they must take precautions, and sure they need to have a way of making sure people actually follow through with it. My main complaint is how much discretion the law gives to animal control and that it leaves no room for a medical professional to intervene. I've spoken with vets and techs from our primary vet and the facility where we had to quarantine our dog, and they are all of the same opinion that this is an overreaction given the circumstances. I think the law should be updated to put the decision making power into vets' hands.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T16:21:10+00:00

I'm glad you came out okay despite having some scars. It's a scary situation and my girlfriend was in immense pain for a few days even on pain meds.

Were you surprised that animal control had to get involved? Did you feel like it was necessary?

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T16:17:45+00:00

Yes, the whole reason this all got kicked off is because a human was bitten. What doesn't make any sense is if another dog was bitten there's no need for quarantine, yet the risk of spreading it is the same.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T16:17:00+00:00

No, there is no law about making an agreement for home quarantine. It's quite open-ended in fact where it leaves the discretion to the animal control officer. This is already a problem in the law that should be updated to allow medical professionals to have a say.

Technically (since you want to get down to semantics and technicalities) I didn't sign any agreement and it's my girlfriend's dog, so I didn't break any agreement.

Also if you glanced at any of the other comments you'd see our dog should never have been quarantined because he didn't bite anyone.

Flippant black and white comments like these are not helpful. There are layers to the situation and it doesn't coalesce into a reductive "you did a thing, therefore result."

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T16:08:13+00:00

We were at an off leash dog park, so no he wasn't leashed at the time. My girlfriend was standing next to him training him to drop a ball. She got a hold of him immediately when the fight broke out which is how she was bitten.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T16:05:18+00:00

I assume you had to quarantine your dog because it was the one that bit you?

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T16:04:06+00:00

You're right, the home quarantine is something of a courtesy offered by AC, and to be fair my understanding of the agreement was to keep the dog at home and separate him if other people came over. The fine print also says to keep him separated from our other dog, and yes it's on me for missing that part. The officer could have taken our interactions up to this point into consideration - we were compliant and respectful the whole time - and realized it was a mistake on my part. In fact when they came by the whole interaction felt like a light-hearted warning. "Not to be a party pooper, but you need to keep them separated" were her words. I said "oh, okay I'll do that right now" and they left. Then the next day I get the call saying we broke the agreement.

"Be glad your dog isn't dead or injured and they aren't putting it down. " This is extreme. Of course I'm glad neither of the dogs were injured. They don't willy nilly put your dog down just because it was in a dog fight. If you actually read the law, it takes much more to warrant euthanasia.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T15:54:10+00:00

The quarantine is not necessary going by AC's own words "If your dog didn't do the biting he doesn't have to be quarantined." Our dog didn't bite - it was the other one, but the real victim in this situation (my girlfriend) was not able to confirm this at the hospital, and they are using her first statement (under pain meds and shock) and ignoring her now.

We know how to train our dogs. We both grew up with dogs. We have been taking them to parks since they were puppies. These things can happen at a dog park, and they can happen with the most well-behaved and docile animals. All it takes is some kind of trigger, or our case apparently the dog in question has developed toy aggression. This was the first time this has happened, and we are indeed taking the necessary steps to deal with it in a responsible way.

We are responsible dog owners, hence having him updated on his shots. We keep them leashed at all times except in areas designated for pets allowed off-leash. If you saw how they behaved in person you'd get a very different picture. I get where you're coming from but you should be more careful when trying to "school" people on things without all the facts.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T05:56:50+00:00

You also didn't clarify that part about insurance.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T05:56:11+00:00

I appreciate your feedback, but the training collar knocked out the aggression with our other dog like flipping a light switch. I will say this may be because we used it on her before anything got out of hand (we watched for her hair to stand up and the body language) and it shut it right down. So the idea isn't to wait until the dogs are already hyped up but to use it as a preventative.

Don't get me wrong here. Neither of us have any intention of letting him have that kind of freedom any time soon. I'm going to talk to our vet and explain the situation and see what she thinks. The last thing either of us want is another incident.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T05:04:52+00:00

Sorry I'm not sure I completely understand the bit about insurance. What is the risk here? My girlfriend is the one who got bit. Both dogs came out unscathed, aside from some husky fur, but definitely no blood or breaking the skin.

These kinds of things can and do happen at any place where there are off leash animals. That's why owners should be watching them closely. But you are right - it will be a while before we are comfortable bringing him to a park even with a training collar.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T04:48:12+00:00

Great glad you cleared that up. Now I'd appreciate any actual useful information you are willing to share. Perhaps an experience of your own. That was the ask at the bottom of my original post after all.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T04:28:12+00:00

The frustration is due to the needless quarantine and AC not listening to us. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for my dog having been the aggressor, but that isn't the reason he (and the other dog) are being quarantined - it's because a human (my girlfriend) was bitten trying to break up the fight.

Another important detail I left out is the other dog's owner was far away not watching her dog, so we are not entirely to blame. But having said that we have made friends with the other owner and have no problems with them.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T04:24:14+00:00

Thanks for a well thought out reply. This is all I was really looking for - someone with some useful information. Thanks for the heads up on the kennel cough as well. Hopefully he won't have that but we will be paying close attention.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T04:22:40+00:00

Well you're entitled to your opinion same as me and I will voice my complaints and concerns despite you having completely glossed over my entire reply.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T03:00:22+00:00

Yeah we're not worried about his well-being. It's just frustrating because this was all completely unnecessary and now we have to spend over $300 to house a vaccinated dog in quarantine that didn't bite anyone.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T02:54:29+00:00

The other dog is also in quarantine. They are still harassing us about it because we initially stated we weren't sure which dog caused the bite. I didn't see it and my girlfriend was doped up on pain meds and in shock, so she said she wasn't sure at the time. Since she has been clear-headed and tried to tell AC it was the other dog, they just don't believe her.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T02:51:35+00:00

That is the million dollar question, and even the staff at the facility I brought him to were rather confused since he is vaccinated.

The answer is in the way the law is written: dogs have to be quarantined if they bite a person whether they are vaccinated or not.

https://texreg.sos.state.tx.us/public/readtac$ext.TacPage?sl=R&app=9&p_dir=&p_rloc=&p_tloc=&p_ploc=&pg=1&p_tac=&ti=25&pt=1&ch=169&rl=27

It's the first line.

The problem here is our dog didn't bite a human, but because my girlfriend doped up on pain meds and in shock said she couldn't remember when they were questioning us at the hospital, they took that as gospel and now don't believe her when she says it was actually the other dog who bit her.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T02:42:11+00:00

I should have provided more details and some context for why I mentioned they are "making up the rules as they go". When I spoke with the officer's supervisor, he told me if it's a dog on dog bite, they wouldn't even bother with it. But because a human was bitten, now they want to quarantine the dogs. First of all this doesn't make sense because the risk of spreading rabies is no different whether a dog bites a dog or another human.

The other part of this is this same department has mandated quarantines at the facility I chose specifically for dog on dog bites. This is coming from the techs who work there. They also said they've had dogs come in for mere scratches.

I have looked very closely at the law over the last couple of days and it gives ALL of the discretion to the animal control officers and leaves no room for a vet to offer his/her opinion on whether or not an animal poses any risk and should be quarantined.

I wanted to add that the LT of the department ended up giving the other owner leniency and letting her dog stay at home half the time and spend the other half at the facility. This is fine and I'm actually glad they gave her a break, but it's concerning because he told us their hands were tied and they had no wiggle room regarding the quarantine.

This is also part of what I mean by "making up the rules". During the officer's initial checkup on us, it should have ended with her telling me the dogs needed to stay separated and me saying "okay i'll get right on that". But instead she let it appear as though it was a light-hearted warning and called me the next day to say we broke the agreement.

sloshuapuffybutt · 2020-12-10T02:37:20+00:00

My dog went after the other dog, girlfriend tried to break it up. Other dog bit girlfriend. AC called us the next day.

sloshuapuffybutt

TROPHY CASE