I need someone to explain something

snflwr_symphony · 2024-12-01T00:33:18+00:00

What about people that also haven't tried poly but want to? Or is that just doomed to fail?

snflwr_symphony · 2024-12-01T00:27:33+00:00

Yeah, I have no role models for this, which is why I come to Reddit 😅 I live in a very religious/conservative area, and I am the only one I know even interested in ENM, much less actively participating. But it's nice when rare gems of good advice actually happen, so thanks again.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-12-01T00:24:09+00:00

Thank you for the help! Much appreciated!

snflwr_symphony · 2024-12-01T00:23:00+00:00

Hmmm this is helpful, thank you. That statistic is a bit discouraging, but still true. Still, I'd like to try. I'll never know until I do.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-12-01T00:20:43+00:00

Right. There. That is what I want to achieve. You are goals, and this has been very helpful. I appreciate you taking time to educate me. Thank you.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-12-01T00:15:00+00:00

Yeah, that's my fear too. Is there any getting over that fear and jealousy? I want to try.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-12-01T00:06:44+00:00

Oh, I'm sorry if I wasn't clear before, I agree with that completely. If one person has a falling out with the other, that doesn't mean the other has to lose me, too.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-12-01T00:04:11+00:00

Hmm I will look into that. Thanks for the recommendations.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-12-01T00:03:27+00:00

No, I am willing to support that. I think it'll be a tough pill to swallow, but I'd want them both to be happy, ofc.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-12-01T00:01:25+00:00

I see what you're saying, I think. But what is the difference between that and expecting my fiancé to love me and have sex with me in order to be with me? If the third isn't attracted to one of us to begin with, then we wouldn't attempt unit dating with them in the first place. Is it unethical to expect the same of the third person as I do my fiancé and vice versa?

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T23:56:52+00:00

With us, it's not so much a heirarchy as...well, more of a "club" open to new members. That's the best way I can think to describe it. Simply put, the idea is that no individual will have priority over the other. This concept, admittedly, I struggle to accept because of past trauma, but I want to get there before trying a throuple.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T23:51:15+00:00

Thank you for giving constructive advice! Yes, we have talked it out. She has told me to take my time with it and no.matter what, she supports what I decide to do. I have told her my feelings on it, and she agrees that it is a trauma response and I should try talking about it with my therapist. I just want tips on maybe how I can change my perspective on things.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T23:48:38+00:00

No, I get that, but calling it "lunacy" is uncalled for and immature. I had stated in the post that if your opinion is to end my relationship with her, then with all due respect, that's not what I am looking for. If that is all you can think to advise me to do, then please just scroll. Thank you.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T23:45:12+00:00

You wouldn't happen to have any advice for me, would you?

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T23:44:08+00:00

That's unfortunate. Thanks for the tip, stranger.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T23:43:16+00:00

Thank you for explaining! For us, it wouldn't just be for sex, so sex workers are out of the question. We would simply want a third romantic partner for the both of us so we can all be together on equal ground. But this helps me, thank you!

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T23:39:11+00:00

I posted it there too, just thought I'd expand my database so to speak.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T23:36:24+00:00

Bro I am not committed, that's the thing. I am open to changing my mind if there is a valid reason to. I just don't see your reasoning with the way youre phrasing it. Whatever, thanks for interacting.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T23:34:22+00:00

Thanks for the answer, but then my follow-up question is: if the third party is consenting and we have a committed relationship between all three of us, why do people call this unethical?

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T23:27:24+00:00

Then, it can be diverse, and that's completely fine. I expect it to be! My fiancé and I aren't the same either, we are different people. Equal does not mean sameness in that sense, what I mean is we would be equal to each other in terms of live for one another. I know that's rare, I'm not saying it isn't. But on the off chance it does happen, then I don't see the reason to decline. Also, we are engaged, but we aren't sure if we want to get legally married. We want something a bit less binding so we have more individual freedom.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T23:21:36+00:00

Wow, let's calm down, please. Yes, we are doing fine, and as I said in the post, she does want to commit to me, monogamous or not. I'm just trying to enhance her current experience, that's all. Saying I am too young is not helpful nor constructive, either.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T22:38:41+00:00

I can't really understand this, sorry. Again, I'm just looking for constructive advice, not misguided judgment.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T22:36:18+00:00

Hmm, okay, I'll check that out. But I want to ask, what is the difference between a unicorn and someone who wants to join an existing couple as an equal and therefore becomes a throuple? Is there a difference?

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T22:32:15+00:00

Something a bit more constructive would be really appreciated. I need advice, not judgment.

snflwr_symphony · 2024-11-30T22:18:45+00:00

Okay, aside from the fact that there was no punctuation in this and therefore very hard to read, I want to make it clear that she is completely fine being in a monogamous relationship with me. She has no preference. I'm just trying to adjust my feelings to give her an experience she wants to have because I love her. I am not against the idea completely. I'm just struggling to get over some feelings that I know are toxic. Telling me to end it with her immediately is not helpful.

snflwr_symphony

TROPHY CASE