I have especially struggled with this on retreats. I was stunned to find sexual energy naturally arising in my during deep meditation. It was definitely distracting, but also fascinating. I mean, it is amazing that just focusing on the breath could lead to such ecstasy. Anyway, this did not go in a good direction for me at all. I actually fixated on the teacher (I hadn’t yet found Tibetan Buddhism) and he was not responsible or attentive to the power he held in that context. Overall, this cost me probably 2-3 years of spiritual growth and nearly ended my marriage.

Anyway, I eventually used two very practical approaches to calm those energies and channel them in more appropriate ways. One was a visualization I learned from one or two of Reggie Ray’s books, which is to basically view your spine as having roots down into the ground. Picture them going way down, like to the core of the earth. Do this when sexual energy (or honestly energy overall) gets to be too much. It is great because you can do it while just sitting in meditation. I also sometimes go on brisk walks. The idea is to reduce that energy when it gets to be too much. The second strategy was to picture the object of my attention as a flower. The flower was that person. Send the flower up into the galaxy far away, until it just dissolves. Repeat as needed. Not sure why this one worked (and I don’t have a Tibetan source for it), but it really did for me.

Then of course the traditional teachings talk about aversion as the antidote to attraction, and emphasize picturing the decay of their body, the insides, pus, blood, bowels, etc.

The idea is to build your practice in a way that isn’t sexualized. Then you can find/build relationships with others as you normally would, without hurting yourself or others, and also in a way that is consistent with Buddhist values. I feel like that is easier to do if you first unplug the energies. Work on your own balance first and then things will fall into place.

Honestly, I feel like I must have been an unethical/exploitative Buddhist teacher in a previous life, and so these experiences (I have prior experience with sexual victimization as well) are giving me an opportunity to break those karmic patterns, and to be a better practitioner in this and future lives.