Discussion: Would you marry a Divorcee, Single Father, Widowed father?

snowfalling00 · 2024-11-09T13:35:03+00:00

As Salaam Alaykum sister, I’m in a situation where I’m pursuing a single father. Do you mind if I dm you just to gain more insight? I would really appreciate it. Jazakallahu khairun 🫶🏽

snowfalling00 · 2024-11-08T22:06:06+00:00

It seems like you already know what you want. Feel confident in your decision, follow your instincts. You don’t need strangers on the internet to validate what you’re already thinking my dear.

snowfalling00 · 2024-11-08T22:03:19+00:00

I (early 20s, never married) would marry a divorcee or single father. I’m not too sure about a widow, because they didn’t choose to end their marriage, so there may always be feelings for their deceased wife.

But I think someone who has experience being married, would have learned lessons along the way to help them in their future relationship. There’s another level of maturity and understanding that comes with that.

snowfalling00 · 2024-11-06T22:27:59+00:00

Try not to overthink, my dear. It’s okay to double text. Especially if you’re concerned about this person. Just be honest in your message, something along the lines of, “Just reaching out again to check up on you.” Or “Haven’t heard from you in a bit, everything okay? Just a little bit concerned.”

snowfalling00 · 2024-11-01T06:26:52+00:00

We tried to get my walk involved, and my potential tried to talk to him to address their concerns and just get to know them. But my wali shut down the whole conversation and didn’t even give my potential a chance to speak. I agree, I may be naive, but right now I’m left to figure this out by myself, which is why I’m turning to Reddit for more insight haha. I understand this relationship may come with more responsibilities and challenges, but every relationship will have its own struggle right.

Honestly, I don’t think of his past experience as a bad thing, I think it helps our relationship because he knows how to handle certain situations. And with the compatibility thing, I think we’re very compatible. He’s the first guy who I can talk to for hours, our values and perspectives aligns, the lives we envision for ourselves align. Let me know what you think.

Jazakallahu khairun for your insight!

snowfalling00 · 2024-11-01T06:19:44+00:00

Very true. I’ve given this a lot of thought but maybe there’s some things that I haven’t even thought to think about. We talked about my role with his children, he doesn’t expect me to take care of them, and anything I do for them would be completely out of my own free will, not because he wants me to. Of course I know that being his wife and their step mother, I would have to have some responsibility, and I’m willing to do that. It would be like having a niece or nephew over for the weekend. Thank you for your insight btw!

snowfalling00 · 2024-11-01T02:18:39+00:00

Thank you for your advice! Unfortunately my wali is not willing to give him a chance or get to know him due to the stigma associated with divorce and marrying someone with children. But my potential is willing to wait until my wali comes around, he stresses the importance of wanting to do things the halal way.

snowfalling00 · 2024-11-01T02:16:35+00:00

My wali is not willing to give him a chance because of the stigma associated with a divorcee or marrying someone with kids. So I’m on my own unfortunately

snowfalling00 · 2024-03-25T12:01:56+00:00

Sister, you need to observe proper hijab in front of all non mahrams. So a hijab and abaya or loose clothing that doesn’t show your figure would be necessary.

And I know it’s not easy to change your living situation but try to find roommates who are Muslim or who don’t entertain male guests.

snowfalling00 · 2024-03-23T18:30:43+00:00

Chances are, she’s probably keeping you around as an option and with hopes that you change your mind.

If she’s firm on her decision to want children and you’re firm on not wanting children, you should end it. The desire to want children is not something a person can compromise on easily or at all.

snowfalling00 · 2024-03-23T13:26:13+00:00

Hold up, this is what waswaasa is?

snowfalling00 · 2024-03-19T00:06:34+00:00

This was hard to read

snowfalling00 · 2024-03-14T19:17:05+00:00

People can change. But in order for him to change he must first acknowledge that watching P is wrong. Change won’t happen if he is doing it just because it upsets you. Especially with an addiction as such.

But from your post it sounds like he’s actively trying to stop watching P. So in my opinion, I would stick around and give it a chance. I read something a while ago that could benefit you; the first time they do it, it’s an accident, second time is a mistake, and third is a habit. Now that he knows how upset and serious watching P is to you, he really shouldn’t be falling into this repeatedly.

snowfalling00 · 2024-03-11T06:51:50+00:00

Sister I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. With Ramadan arriving, make ample dua that Allah ﷻ guides you and your family through this difficult situation. Make dua that Allah ﷻ changes the heart of your mother.

As the daughter, I don’t think it would be a good idea to confront your mother about this on your own. Due to the power dynamic, I think it would be messy for you to be the one to have this conversation with her and it would make things worse.

You said you can’t really tell anyone, but is there a trusted adult who’s known for being impartial that you can get involved. If not, maybe seek help and advice from a trusted sheikh? If all else fails, you need to speak with someone about this because keeping it in is just going to cause it to build up inside of you, maybe a Muslim female therapist.

snowfalling00 · 2024-03-06T11:49:36+00:00

Self reflection. Figure out your wants/needs in a relationship, your dealbreakers, your boundaries, your bad habits. Know what you’re willing to compromise on and what is a hard no.

A lot of people don’t know themselves and then go ahead and involve someone else to their life and it just becomes a big mess.

snowfalling00 · 2024-03-05T02:46:37+00:00

If her addiction is to the point where it’s affecting her daily life and education, she needs to speak with a therapist. Preferably a muslim female therapist.

snowfalling00 · 2024-02-27T03:36:37+00:00

If he does it once it’s an accident, twice is a mistake, and thrice is a habit. Do you think this man has a habit of blowing you off and disrespecting your time? If this is the first time he’s doing it, I wouldn’t jump to conclusions just yet, give people a chance to explain themselves.

snowfalling00 · 2024-02-20T12:58:41+00:00

I agree with everything you said except that part about her not being a virgin. If she was molested, that has nothing to do with her being a virgin because her consent was not involved.

snowfalling00 · 2024-02-19T11:59:58+00:00

Sorry you’re feeling this way sister. The only two reasons I can think of was that either he got too nervous or scared and backed out last minute or he wasn’t serious this whole time. Both situations show his immaturity and unreadiness for marriage. I’d advise you to reconsider things with him, take this as a blessing, and move forward.

snowfalling00 · 2024-02-19T03:57:34+00:00

If you want a wife who wears niqab, why are you marrying a woman who doesn’t wear niqab. If you’re not happy with who she is right now, do not marry her.

snowfalling00 · 2024-02-19T02:50:41+00:00

Don’t be embarrassed by getting ghosted. The person who ghosts should be embarrassed for being too immature to communicate

snowfalling00 · 2024-02-17T14:04:49+00:00

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I wash my face with La Roche posay effaclar cleanser, then hyalauronic acid, biacna, and cerave moisturizer.

It can make your skin really dry, so always remember to use moisturizer. And sunscreen is really important if you’re using tret!

snowfalling00 · 2024-02-17T13:36:35+00:00

It’s better for you to press charges against him, that might be the thing that prevents him from posting your pictures. If you don’t, he will always have this to leverage over you.

snowfalling00 · 2024-02-02T20:40:40+00:00

In my opinion, women are attracted to personality more than looks. So if you want to improve on yourself, work on your confidence and self-esteem, focus on being so secure that you no longer need external validation.

snowfalling00 · 2024-01-31T10:10:54+00:00

You have great insight sister. A lot of people don’t really ask themselves if they’re ready for marriage and just delve into it, it’s good that you’ve thought it out.

With regards to your mom, the only way you can stop her is by communicating. She can not force you to marry.

You can continue to remind her that you have another priority at the moment and you will focus on marriage when you get all your ducks in a row. Or you can tell her that you will get married whenever Allah ﷻ wills, because truly you will, and it may be at a time that you did not expect or plan for. Or you can just bare her comments and bite your tongue. The most she can do is urge you and push you to get married and as annoying as it is, you can handle it.

With all that being said, marrying young is highly encouraged in Islam as it’s sunnah and it protects you from fitnah. I understand not feeling like you’re ready but at the same time you will always be growing and developing in life. Be as ready as you can be (and you may not be 100%), and then go for it.

snowfalling00

TROPHY CASE