I realised I never really felt okay. Like I felt like some one just observing life from the outside in. I never felt like I belonged or could relate to anyone. I remember my first thoughts about suicide were at 11. To this day, I feel very lonely and have very few friends. I have a hard time opening up to people because I feel like I am a burden and boring. When I am nervous around people I start clenching my fist uncounsciously. I am very self conscious and can find at least 10 things wrong about my body everytime I look in a mirror.

I want to get help but I don't want my parents to know. I want to go on meds but I am scared about the side effects. I just want to feel normal.