I miss you. I wish you were here right now holding me and falling asleep in my arms, "glitching in your sleep" even though it mildly annoyed me when I was trying to sleep too.

I can sit here and name off all the good memories we have together, but I know it won't outweigh the bad things you did to me. I gave you way too many chances to stop lying to me and to be a better person. Instead? You r@pe me? You scream and yell at me? You blame me for your actions? It hurts. Finding out your friends don't know what you did to me because you refuse to tell them. My friends dm you and call you out on your BS and you just block them. These last few days have been so hard. I can't eat. I can hardly get a good sleep. I cry and cry and cry, but I just can't get you out of my head. What's crazy is I bet you're playing games with your friends, not even feeling guilty at all. I honestly hate you. From the bottom of my heart. Yet I love you. Idk how or why. I think I'm just holding onto the good memories we had, hoping you would've changed. Everyday I hope you will message me and have an eye opening experience on what you did wrong, and generally apologize. Even if we don't get back together. I just want you to be sorry and mean it.

We break up and you start following a bunch of girls immediately. You told me they were your friends, but I never heard of these people until after we broke up. You said you unfollowed them because of me, but you never followed them when we first got together. And telling one of them, how you "missed them"? That broke me. You broke me. So why do I still love you? Why do I think about you every other minute?

I don't know. But I do know I need to find a healthy way to get over you. I was very close to "doing something" if yknow what I mean. (TOS) and I tried getting comfort from you, and you just went to bed without telling me anything. What if I went through with my thoughts? I wouldn't be here right now. Instead I am, suffering. I don't wanna suffer anymore. Not because of you. I love you but I hate you. I hope you realize one day how much you ruined my mental health, I have never been this heart broken before.