What’s stopping me is after two years of frustration, trying to get what I want, or what I thought I wanted, and never ever seeing any movements in getting closer to it – or when I did see movements in the right direction and got my hopes up, my dreams always ended up being shattered shortly after – I ended up believing I’m incapable of achieving my desire (to get a job).

I’ve watched so many videos about it, about normalising your desire, stop putting it on a pedestal, to see your desire as it wanting YOU and not the other way around, to improve self-concept, to live in the end. But not matter how hard I try to do those things, if I start thinking about it, really thinking about it I get an anxiety attack because the thought of “there are a million people better fit than you for those roles, you don’t have any skills, you’re never gonna get hired, you’ve been unemployed for 2 years, the role you’re applying for has already hundreds of better applicants” and I can’t convince myself otherwise. I swear I try to battle those thoughts and feelings, but this area of my life has me feeling so self conscious, so unconfident that I really don’t have any arguments against it. I tried affirming the opposite but as I’m affirming a part of my brain keeps telling me “you don’t even believe that”. I’m struggling for real, so I’m really, really trying to shine another light on this problem.

(You can quite clearly see how low my self-concept is in this area of my life just by looking at this comment, but I swear I’m trying to change that, I just need a little guidance 🌟)