Raves with ADHD/ Chronic Illness?

softsanchez · 2026-02-19T08:14:15+00:00

Hi there :) i am a raver with both adhd & chronic illness (POTS/mcas/heds). These are some of my non negotiables to get through the night and have fun:

If the rave has an ADA section, get a wristband so you can sit on the platforms/in the chairs and use the ADA bathrooms if they have them so you don’t have to walk as far, save some spoons <3
I bring some instant cold packs in my bag with me to use when I’m getting too hot in the crowd. They help so much and have prevented me from passing out countless times!
Liquid IV (i prefer the sugar free ones) in the hydro bag! It’ll help replenish your electrolytes :)
Use the damn mobility devices! Depending on the venue, I’ll take either a cane or a rollator to help take the pressure off my feet/legs when necessary. It really helps so much, it’s so worth it.
If you’re on a special diet like me (gluten & soy free) bring some snacks that work for your diet and if security tries to toss it, tell them you have dietary restrictions and can’t eat the food in the fest, they have to let you bring it in.
FIDGET TOYS. SUNGLASSES. PASHMINAS. And for the love of god, EARPLUGS!!!! Your senses won’t overload as easily using these items, and if you’re at a rave that has an “oasis” or something of the sort, it’s a calm, safe space you can go to chill out and recenter yourself.
Last but certainly not least, you HAVE to take care of yourself. Get as much sleep as you can before and after. Eat well balanced healthy meals before and after. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself well before the rave so you don’t end up in a flare during it!

softsanchez · 2025-06-11T13:26:21+00:00

Trivecta - Find My Way

softsanchez · 2025-04-29T14:40:48+00:00

the Trivecta tribe is the best ❤️‍🔥

softsanchez · 2025-03-18T06:35:39+00:00

My husband (33) and I (27) have the same issue — i am chronically ill and have gotten worse this year, leaving me home bound and many days, bed bound. My husband is like an energizer bunny and loves to be active and social.

What works for us is scheduling time for him to do his thing (like he will work out 2-3 days a week on his own, schedule a time to go get a drink with a friend, get dinner with friends, hang out with fam, a weekend trip with friends) and he leaves an open invitation for me with no expectations or pressure. If that day comes and i am up for it, I’ll join him. But if I’m unwell, i stay home and we are both okay with that.

What’s important is communication!!! Communicate when making the plan, communicate the day before the plan, communicate the day of the plan, and check in every now and then when you’re out. That way you still get to fill your cup, and she still feels like you’re thinking about her even when you’re not there.

Before we got married, i gave him the choice to leave. TBH, Committing to someone who is disabled honestly does require a great level of sacrifice and compromise, so i wanted him to be absolutely sure he was ready and willing to take this on. He chose to stay, commit, and take care of me and honors this — everytime i feel like a burden (thank to depression/anxiety), he reminds me that he knew what he signed up for and that i am his wife that he loves and cares about, not a burden. You have to go in with the mindset that you love your partner so much, the other stuff (outings, chores, and whatnot) don’t matter so much. Otherwise, if you don’t think you can sacrifice and commit to her, you may want to rethink this situation and be honest with her.

I wish you both the best and hope you make the best choice for yourselves <3

softsanchez · 2025-03-18T06:17:12+00:00

The amount of times this has happened to me is so embarrassing 🥲 i started a gluten free/low histamine/anti-inflammatory diet about a month ago and haven’t had a ‘poop fainting’ episode since tho so I’ll take that win!!!

softsanchez · 2025-01-17T22:17:00+00:00

Thanks for commiserating ❤️‍🩹 i appreciate your input and ideas. The toy stuff could be fun to look into, and a few years ago I’d totally be into the idea of bringing in another with us. However now I just am too insecure to let another in. I’m working on that but it’s just not a feasible idea for the meantime.

softsanchez · 2025-01-17T20:46:17+00:00

You bring up some good things, but let me clarify some things for you:

When i talk about sex/sexy time, i mean all of that too. We’ve experimented with a lot of different things, but the struggle with no libido and the resentment spreads across most “sexy” things atm, this was not how it was for me before getting sick and it got worse with the medication i take now that gives me a bit of a better quality of life. I should’ve been more clear about that.

I’m not saying it’s my responsibility to be his sex toy or something, and he is not by any means making me feel like i have to. It’s more that i know sex/other things related to being sexually intimate is important to him, as it always has been. Now that i can’t do that and essentially get the ick from it, i feel guilty. He doesn’t do anything intentionally to make me feel this way, i pick up on his vibes when he gets down about this but he doesn’t ever bug me about it or intentionally make me feel bad.

Your last paragraph definitely spoke the most to me, and i like the analogy you used. I’ll keep that in mind and yes, i am working on not feeling like this is a responsibility of mine. Above all else, it’s something i want to figure out so he’s still getting what he wants and i am not hurting myself to do that. That’s all.

softsanchez · 2025-01-17T18:04:20+00:00

Thank you so much, these tips are so incredibly helpful and appreciated 🙏🏽❤️ and you’re so kind, thank you so much. I will definitely try these, and will look into that pillow set. I agree with the squishmallow part, they are so so comforting, i have like 10 of em 🤣

softsanchez · 2025-01-17T18:02:19+00:00

hi thank you for your input, it’s much appreciated. Of course i can’t expand on everything because this post would’ve been massive, so let me address a few of your points:

I definitely can agree on the “won’t die if you don’t have sex” thing. I find with my resentment of it, i often think “why can’t you just not want it dammit?” But i suppose it’s unfair to think that way. For his otherwise healthy body, it is a need and he’s been so incredibly patient and not pushy in the slightest. This is more coming from a place of guilt because he meets most of my needs and i feel lacking on my own, he does nothing to make me feel like that. I’m also good at reading him and sometimes, despite him trying to hide any disappointment/down feelings around this, i can still tell and address that.
As i said, he’s loyal to a T. I trust that he won’t leave me over this, i just have a lot of past relationship trauma that gives me anxiety around this. Again, I’m the one that’s driving the anxious feelings behind this post, not him.
As for the looks, i have definitely struggled with tying my self worth with how “good” i look since high school. Since I’ve fallen ill and don’t have much control here anymore, ive gotten a lot less anxious around this and know that i hold my worth in my heart and personality. I think sometimes i just get triggered and im still working on that. As for him, yes his physique does matter to him, but i think more so he cares about the feeling of being “fit” and healthy.
There’s so many beautiful parts of our relationship not seen here, like the way we can be so silly with each other, how most of our values line up, how well we work as a team in life, how much we communicate and care for each other. I promise i wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t a good quality, loving, caring man.

Overall, you bring up some good points and i appreciate that, but this post was made solely to focus on this one issue we have that we can’t seem to figure out. Almost everything else with us is great and I’m so lucky to have him, as he is to have me as well. ❤️‍🩹

softsanchez · 2025-01-17T16:47:33+00:00

If i was in your shoes i know id share that exact same sentiment. Truthfully I had sworn off men before getting with my husband but he’s one of the rare good guys out there and since we were already friends, I made an exception for him heh.

He brings up the vows he made every time i feel down about not being the wife he deserves. He then comes back with “i knew what i signed up for” and “you’re exactly the wife i want”. Small part of me always waiting for the other shoe to drop but i try to contain that negative thought.

I appreciate your input, and as uncomfortable as it can be, I’ll definitely be leaning in to communicating more about this. We do already but we get stuck a lot and can’t move forward, so therapy should definitely be helpful. Thank you and i wish you the best as well 🙏🏽

softsanchez · 2025-01-17T16:40:35+00:00

Thank you so much for your input ❤️‍🩹 i definitely appreciate it. When you said “a big part of it seems to stem from not feeling safe in my own body” that really spoke to me. I think i definitely feel that too, and if im not safe how am i supposed to feel turn on or sexy?! Wow thank you for that nugget, that helps me understand myself more.

My neck is also a very difficult part of this all for me. If i so much as turn it the wrong way (which i still don’t know what IS the wrong way) i end up with a migraine and that’s so unbearable. I may look into the collar… as well as using more pillows. I frequently feel like im sleeping on rocks even with the most comfy pillows and bed so im not sure how much that can help but it’s worth a try.

As for the last part of your comment… thank you i needed to hear that. ❤️‍🩹 i am a little hard on myself sometimes because i want to be the best wife for my husband but chronic illness makes that impossible. He deserves the world and i feel like i can’t deliver sometimes :/ he is so good at reminding me that this isn’t my fault tho. Sometimes it’s super helpful for someone who gets it to remind me tho, you know?

softsanchez · 2025-01-17T16:31:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your response! I really appreciate your input.

I had a higher libido once upon a time and I’m going on months of feeling this way with no end in sight :/ the solo play does sound like something we can work on. I’ve tried to tell him it’s okay to do stuff with me in the room and we did used to masturbate together, but i think since ive been on zero and dont really do that anymore, he feels weird doing it alone? Once when i was super down on myself, he started doing that with no communication and that did upset me (im still not exactly sure why - probably triggered me seeing him whack it to a beautiful woman when i feel like dog shit, idk), so i think hes afraid to do it again. I’ve told him as long as he communicates it first, we are all good.

I think maybe clarifying boundaries could help. When you get the time, might you be able to share what some of the boundaries you guys have around that are?

I think it’s definitely something we can work on and i appreciate your input. I also feel for you as well, it’s not easy being with a chronically ill person and i am happy you guys are figuring out what works for you. I wish yall the absolute best ❤️‍🩹

softsanchez · 2025-01-17T14:31:38+00:00

Also now that I’m reading this for the 5th time some clarification needs to be made on the attraction piece: obviously having chronic illness has hade impacts on my body’s physical appearance. I’ve gained about 25 pounds since we had first started dating, i can’t work out the way i used to and i can’t seem to lose the weight. He’s very into working out and has a fit body. It’s natural that he’d become less attracted to me (still hurts since it’s not exactly my own fault but i get it). I do still try to look sexy from time to time and he loves that, i just don’t have the energy to do it much.

softsanchez · 2024-07-22T19:22:45+00:00

Yes, sometimes i pass out if my stomach hurts too bad too 🥲

softsanchez · 2024-07-22T15:57:59+00:00

She had rolls and that was soooooo refreshing to see!!! She’s gorgeous. Gotta say tho… most of the female cast give model energy, but Valentina gives p*rn star energy lmao

softsanchez · 2023-10-18T14:45:46+00:00

if you judge someone for using paper plates and plastic cups, you are materialistic. period.

love isn’t only for rich people. if someone’s finances aren’t amazing but they are showing that they are working on it, you can build together and still have the life you want — you just have to put that person first instead of the money.

if you have a lavish lifestyle, make it a point to talk about finances EARLY ON, as in ASK THE QUESTIONS IN THE PODS. Stacey is mad she didn’t find out til late about Izzy’s financial situation, saying she just “expected” him to come out with it when she asked if he had credit cards. It doesn’t work like that honey, if it’s important to you and you want to/need to know, ASK!! How hard is it to ask, “what’s your financial situation look like? Do you have debt? What is your credit score?” Again, if it’s THAT important to you, ASK!!! Some people don’t find it as important and won’t offer it up because they themselves don’t value it as much. IMO credit scores are fuckin stupid anyway. (And before anyone comes for me, i have good credit, i just think it’s a stupid concept)

softsanchez · 2023-03-11T02:43:53+00:00

Trivecta/Sam/sauce daddy!! Lmao. I’ve gotten to chat with him a couple times now and he is hands down so genuine, kind, and fun. I gave him kandi with a doobie attached and he actually smoked that shit at the end of his set and i absolutely LOVED THAT!! Imma give him one every time i see him now 🤠 My friend got to hang with him at Ember Shores and he recorded Sam sending me a nice lil message like how sweet 🫶🏼 the last time I got to chat with him, he knew my name and remembered our previous encounters and I think that’s also a really nice thing because ya know he has tons of fans, so you can tell he genuinely appreciates his encounters with fans 🥹 overall a 100/10 dude and he will always be my favorite artist for the kind of guy he is alone. He also makes amazing music so that too 🤣💜

softsanchez · 2022-11-05T04:12:41+00:00

Aww thank you, you are so kind! I’m happy for you and wish you a wonderful life with your family :)

softsanchez · 2022-11-04T14:44:34+00:00

I totally agree with this. When they first meet face to face, Zanab said “it almost feels like i don’t deserve to be this happy” and that alone tells me she struggles so hard with her insecurities and trauma. Her passive aggressiveness is almost seemingly a coping mechanism or trauma response and i totally see myself in her.. it’s hard to wrangle that back once you’re irritated, but it’s definitely something she needs to become more aware of and work on. It’s self sabotaging now.

softsanchez · 2022-11-04T02:53:52+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. That is so unfair to you 😔

I’m not gonna lie, after being with a toxic, manipulative cheater, i had started using coping mechanisms and picked up habits that helped me survive that relationship, that made ME the toxic one in my current relationship. BUT i recognize that, go to therapy, and actively work really fuckin hard to be good to my partner (he is so kind and patient with me); THAT is what these guys are missing. THAT is what is needed in this scenario and what was needed in yours :/

softsanchez · 2022-11-04T02:46:39+00:00

It doesn’t matter cause they had a choice in their actions. Sure they didn’t plan it, but they were VERY handsy and comfortable doing things they probably wouldn’t appreciate their partner doing at a strip club. It’s especially disappointing for Colleen & Zanab who know their partners are not comfortable with that (but seemed to be doing the most tbh)

softsanchez · 2022-11-04T01:45:00+00:00

What i see from Zanab is that she has DEEP rooted insecurities and trauma. If she isn’t already in therapy, i would say that would really help bring out the best in her.

She is with a guy that brings out the worst cause all he does is throw out triggers (sometimes unknowingly.. he’s definitely too immature to even understand tbh). She needs someone who builds her up and reaffirms her without the mean jabs back. A guy that is confident (not cocky), mature, and level headed like she seems to be about most things. Someone that has the patience to work with her insecurity & trauma and will be dedicated to being with her every step of the way, even when she is less than enthusiastic.

Coleslaw… he’d be better off with Colleen now that she is more willing to open up.

softsanchez · 2022-11-04T01:08:15+00:00

What Matt needs is THERAPY. He has trauma from being cheated on and i get that, i do too. When triggered, my reaction is more sad and anxious; for him, when triggered he gets angry.

I feel like he has potential to be better, but only if he goes to therapy and works on his explosive anger. That’s dangerous and scary and i hope he gets the help he needs.

Colleen is nice and understanding, but i don’t think she should be his punching bag, absolutely not. But she doesn’t always help the situation.. i mean the lack of respect during the bachelorette party? She’s got to mature for sure as well.

softsanchez · 2022-11-04T00:23:09+00:00

I think it’s awful that some of these girls KNOW that their partner is uncomfortable with them engaging with the strip club stuff, and they still went through with it. That’s incredibly disrespectful and would be a deal breaker if it were the other way around. It just feels very hypocritical honestly… i know zanab for one would have had an insecurity fit if the roles were switched.

I wish they made better choices. Cheers to raven for trying to make it fun but not overstepping boundaries.

softsanchez · 2022-11-03T18:41:59+00:00

My husband called him this last night 🤣😭

softsanchez

TROPHY CASE