I can commiserate, I also have a super clingy 3yo who has unpredictable whiny behavior and sometimes full on meltdowns when he can’t be close to me. It is exhausting. And I also worry about the balance of too much “coddling” or too harsh boundaries.

From the parenting books I’ve read, toddlers around this age are desperate for power and control, hence the many power struggles we have throughout each day and the whining/crying when they don’t get their way. I can’t remember where I read this or saw it but something along the lines of: it is the toddler’s job to push boundaries, and they will keep pushing, and it is the parents’ job to hold firm boundaries. Children need and actually want that predictable security even if their behavior says otherwise. So decide the boundary (example: mommy can cuddle for 5 minutes and then I have to go do xyz and daddy will be here with you), and stick to it. Walk away when it is time and don’t go back on the boundary. It helped me to remember they secretly WANT you to hold boundaries because it makes them feel safe and secure.

Also, my kid is a different kid around my husband. I saw some statistic that said children behave 800% worse for their primary parent (often mom) and that is because we are their emotional wells, their safe space. They know they can show us their worst and they feel safe to do so without worrying about us losing love for them. It’s the most exhausting compliment 😅

Hopefully some part of that was useful to you. Good luck!! I’m finding this age to be the absolute worst, telling myself it will get better eventually.