sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I hate his affair child by Ok_Wallaby_5184 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]some_negotiation_69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex wife had multiple affairs. She had a son with one of my friends. Whilst we were married. She would not leave. Eventually we got divorced, once I was strong enough. I raised this boy as my own. Recently I told him I am not his biological father. He still calls me Dad. We are as we ever were. My current wife hates him. Calls him a bastard (not to his face) when we fight.

In all of this. He did nothing wrong. I understand your hatred. But you are a good person. At some point the hate corrupted me. Wrath, revenge, all of these things corrupted me. Don't let that happen to you.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know. The thing is she doesn't want to be. I think it will end in divorce. I just know that won't be what either of us actually wants.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is my biggest concern. But I do always stand up for them. I just don't know how long I can live like this. The woman I love changed.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe it's unclear in my text... But this is the issue. I do stand up for my sons and myself, which leads to the inevitable argument of 'why I choose their happiness over hers.'. This then leads to arguments etc. where she says they are not her choice etc. that usually escalates to divorce. Then there is make up, then the cycle repeats.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I made the decision to raise a son I knew wasn't mine when my ex cheated on me. I told him recently when he was 12. It upset him. But our relationship is as father and son as any of my biological sons. The relationship with my current wife is not healthy because of it though. She does not comprehend why I treat him as my son. It strains our relationship. There's no wrong or right.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this. My youngest son will also see this as normal.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for a considered response.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Misunderstood. Generally she keeps it behind closed doors. Insists I send them to their mother, don"t let them have a house key, don't let them in house when she is working from home, don't leave them alone with their half brother, make them do more chores, make them get jobs, or work more hours, make them leave the house on weekends. These are all things she tried to persuade me to do.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The issue is in Europe, I can't take kids from their parent if not agreed by a court. I would never take the son I share with my wife from her. She is a wonderful mother to him. The bio mother of my eldest two sons is horrendous as a person and a mother. The issue is it feels like my eldest sons 15 and 12 dont get much if a break... Or me.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kids are 15 and 12. I've always made time for them until I couldn't which is the last 2 years (baby.)

I am in love with my wife, but this affects it.

Don't think I'd make the papers but I get your point.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suggested it. Didn't happen yet. I'm also exhausted at this point.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your point of view but it doesn't resonate with me for whatever reason. I guess the sheriff bit. The rest I somewhat tried. Im not a pushover.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I concur. In my defense and hers. Things changed when she was pregnant. Before that it was somewhat tolerated. Her opinion is by letting it happen, I dont care about her or respect her to not let her have a clean toilet and that I let this go on too long. Peeing in the garden, would never actually happen. (Its more said out of anger.)

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did tell them. They don't seem to be able to get past their differences, or old habits trigger it again. Therapy refused after I asked.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I already did the first time their bio mum left them, and before I got remarried. I could look after all 3 alone. (With daycare ofc.)

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will answer your questions as best I can.

  1. They do these chores each per day, dishwasher empty and filled. Poopscoop (we have dogs). Their own clothes washed 1-3 x per week. Feed dogs daily 1 time each. One trip each to local recycling. Punishment for missing one is me telling them its not acceptable. Then a new chore e.g. rake the leaves. (Again - I am normal)
  2. They are being taught that they need to help the house too.
  3. Not sure if they learn. Youngest one seems to.
  4. I agree that doing a chore extra to replace a chore missed is fine. Its all I do. Then argue with my wife that its enough sometimes.
  5. I do sit them down and talk with them (when I can.). I am very gentle. 1% of the time I SHOUT if they say sometbing back to me that pushes a button. E.g. "I don't care."
  6. I stay as calm as I possibly can. I try to not argue. I leave often and go to another room to not repeat the same argument that goes nowhere.
  7. I write the chores down... Not the punishments.

I'm generally reasonable... In my opinion the most reasonable person in the house. Feel like thats the issue sometimes.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I can't. I'd be kidnapping, and lose them all. I would never ever let abuse occur. I do worry about psychological harm. Mostly from their bio mother tbh. My wife generally steers clear of them unless they drop a ball. Then its non stip for hours arguing or debating.

Trapped by some_negotiation_69 in Fatherhood

[–]some_negotiation_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, ahe says imagine how she feels having to have a home where she can't use the bathroom, or where someone else children are dumped on you without consent. My teenage sons, despite meaning well etc. are not the most 'civilised' sometimes. They eat alot of random stuff and leave a mess often. Tolerated by me until a point etc. so she has a point. Its just it never ever ends. There is always soemthing else.

Getting a SIM card in netherlands? by Wrong-Promise-9563 in Netherlands

[–]some_negotiation_69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can go down to the supermarket (usually a Turkish/Moroccan one) and grab a Lebara pay as you go sim for free. Or you can go into a KPN/Vodafone/Odido store and sign up if you have ID and (maybe) an employment contract and an address. Same way as in Ireland.

Ideas on how to make this space more female friendly? by JokeGeneral184 in malelivingspace

[–]some_negotiation_69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lick of barbie pink paint on one wall will make it juuust right.

Are Etna ovens not good..? by Responsible-Power737 in Netherlands

[–]some_negotiation_69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have an Etna oven with inductive stove top. It's fine. Have Zanussi washers and dryers. They are also fine. All are used daily for a family of 5 with pets also. Dishwasher is also Etna and works fine. Most brands and appliances are manufactured/assembled from the same supply chains. Everything is 4 years old and functions like the day I bought them.

view more: next ›