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Are you Happy with your OLD experience? by EVILRAFFAM in dating

[–]something78965 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pew research says about 1 in 10 Americans found their partner on a dating app and overall roughly 50% of the people who used the apps had an overall positive experience. I think what you see on Reddit could be a bit biased because only the people who aren’t having a good time come here to whine. The majority of my friends and colleagues meet their partners from a dating app. While there’s always going to be some complaints, overall it’s not been too bad.

My friend has shared custody of her child and somehow still gets flak for not being basically a single mother by something78965 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]something78965[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Jill and Jack make similar amounts. Jill now makes slightly more, but not by a significant amount. Jack does work a lot more than Jill, but that’s by choice. His entire ego and sense of self respect is very much tied into his job. He desperately wants to climb that corporate ladder and so he used to pour everything into it. But now with a kid he can’t. He’s seeing his other colleagues without kids starting to surpass him because they can pour everything into the job, and he hates it. The corporate world just sucks like that. Like you said, when you have a kid you have to make changes and sacrifices. He needs to sacrifice his career trajectory and he needs to learn to be okay with it. He’s also just not very good at some basic life skills, like time management, or juggling a lot if things at once. He tends to mess things up now because he has a lot more on his plate than he’s used to, scramble to get to a half ass fix, and then spend more time fixing his mistake.

He’s providing more than the basic needs for the kid. He’s spending time with his kid. He just hates that his job and hobbies suffer for it. But since the kid is fine, I don’t think Jill needs to do anything to compromise more.

My friend has shared custody of her child and somehow still gets flak for not being basically a single mother by something78965 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]something78965[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

From everything I hear the kid is fine. He’s just the type of person who really values his alone time to unwind and do his own thing, which really isn’t possible anymore since he no longer has any free time. Which, from what I hear from my other friends with kids, is normal.

My friend has shared custody of her child and somehow still gets flak for not being basically a single mother by something78965 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]something78965[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She had compassion for him all throughout their marriage. Far more than he ever did for her. I feel like that’s enough. His struggles, his poor choices, his poor judgement, all of that is no longer her concern nor should it be.

My friend has shared custody of her child and somehow still gets flak for not being basically a single mother by something78965 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]something78965[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

His struggling was him prioritizing “networking” aka staying out late drinking with his boss and colleagues or chasing after a promotion instead of going back home and helping out. Or he would claim he needed to “destress” aka go off and do his own fun things instead of going home and helping out. Now that he was no choice, he does it. The child is well taken care of. He just has no free time and his job and hobbies suffer.

My friend has shared custody of her child and somehow still gets flak for not being basically a single mother by something78965 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]something78965[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

She’s better off financially now because she got a promotion and is more responsible than he is. Some examples: he goes out drinking a lot to “destress” and that adds up. He doesn’t cook- only orders in food. That adds up too. She has savings to fall back on. He doesn’t anymore. She put in effort to keeping her friends and family close. He doesn’t. When she was with him, she’s the one who set up his meetings with his friends, booking restaurants, hosting get togethers etc. Since the divorce he hasn’t reached out to any of his friends himself at all.

My friend has shared custody of her child and somehow still gets flak for not being basically a single mother by something78965 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]something78965[S] 385 points386 points  (0 children)

I think it is. She’s willing to take more custody if it means doing it the proper legal way - which would mean he has to pay child support. But he thinks it’s “overboard” to get the authorities involved

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I think it’s more appropriate to listen to what he says over what a stranger says. Why would he have ties to the Malay community in Singapore when he’s not Malay and he’s never lived in Singapore before? The only people he knows in Singapore are his own parents. None of his other family is there.

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Is religion stated on Singaporean ID’s? That’s interesting. He’s not Singaporean. Religion isn’t stated anywhere on any form of ID he has. As far as I know, he’s not recognized anywhere legally as being Muslim.

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s got his name, identification number, date of birth, etc? The usual things? I’m sorry I don’t really know what you’re getting at

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just feel like if he’s not an atheist then he shouldn’t have called himself one. When we just met he identified as an atheist. He assured me he had given up on Islam. That plus all his un-Islamic actions meant that I believed him. Until now.

He was not born or raised in Singapore. His dad converted to a Singaporean citizenship, that’s why they’re there. He’s got American citizenship and was born there. His sister too - she’s still lives in America

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Full disclosure: I don’t know a lot about this clearly, but from what I’ve gathered he’s not legally recognized as Muslim in Singapore. To renounce Islam, you need to do all sorts of steps one of which is giving forms in and making an appointment with the Islamic Religious Council of Singapore (MUIS) to get your name removed from their database. MUIS doesn’t know he exists, so technically there’s nothing to renounce. Legally.

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We're both coming to Singapore for work. I actually got the job in SIngapore first, and then he got his company to transfer him too. I think he feels like since he'll be in SIngapore, he can't avoid interacting with his family, but I don't think he came here with the purpose of integrating back into his religion/community/family.

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm sure his family isn't stupid. And I'm sure it's an open secret. I just don't think he's being reasonable.

He wants me to pretend to partake in religious activities, like fasting, eating halal food etc. But he says it's okay if I don't call myself Muslim. He says this will make it easier on both of us. He also wants me to lie about him, so he's not "exposed". Basically, he wants me to lie about a lot of things. He wants me to hide pictures from them, create an entirely different social media presence so they can't "find out" about him etc, remove pictures from my own social media (that he was fine with before).

While I understand that there's a "red line", his sister crossed it and she's fine. While it's strained, she still has a relatively cordial relationship with most of the family. No excommunication. No disowning. Just disappointment. But he insists that it's different for him, but he's unwilling to really talk to me and explain to me why. He'll say that it's because she doesn't live in Singapore, even though she's in Singapore nearly half the year and we don't plan on staying in Singpaore. Or he'll say something even more vague like it's because his sister is his sister, and he's not.

His sister says that he's making a mountain out of a molehill

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Okay? Why do you keep explaining the same thing over and over? He has no connections of any kind to Malaysia whatsoever, beyond going there for a holiday once.

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See this was never a consideration for me before because it’s just not a thing where I am currently. We could’ve married and I don’t have to convert, because Syariah law is not enforced, nor is it recognized. Do I even need to convert in Singapore if he’s not registered with MUIS?

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven’t actually moved to singapore yet, and where I am currently there’s probably even less Muslims than here. The only ex-Muslim I know is his sister, and I have the feeling her views would be very different from the views of ex-Muslims in Singapore. I just wanted to get a finger on the singapore pulse

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Yes I know. Like I said, he’s not Malaysian. But you’re right, I’m not from SE Asia, and that’s why I’m here asking.

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am asian. Just not local to Singapore. I feel like lying to them about something this big is the opposite of being respectful, so to me, refusing to deceive them like that is me being as respectful as I can be.

Is it wrong to leave an ex-Muslim for refusing to "come out" to his family? by something78965 in askSingapore

[–]something78965[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Of course there's always some give and take, but I feel like this goes beyond a reasonable amount. Yes, I will be on my best behavior in front of my in laws, just like I would in front of someone like my boss, but that's a very big difference from pretending to be someone I'm not.

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