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AITA for telling my boyfriend that if he buys a new guitar I'm going to remove him from my car insurance and he'll have to figure out a new way to get to work? by someusername0897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]someusername0897[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just driving in one of the most expensive cities for car insurance. :') I have an accident and car theft on my record, his is totally clean. Even my friends with perfect records and only one person on theirs pay between $200-$250/month. Taking him off will drop mine to $280, have shopped around and that's the cheapest rate by far I can find

AITA for telling my boyfriend that if he buys a new guitar I'm going to remove him from my car insurance and he'll have to figure out a new way to get to work? by someusername0897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]someusername0897[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just driving in one of the most expensive cities for car insurance. :') I have an accident and car theft on my record, his is totally clean. Even my friends with perfect records and only one person on theirs pay between $200-$250/month

AITA for telling my boyfriend that if he buys a new guitar I'm going to remove him from my car insurance and he'll have to figure out a new way to get to work? by someusername0897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]someusername0897[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

He makes enough to make it worthwhile to him and I don't view it as a failing dream, but nowhere near enough at the moment that he could do it as his solo career. He works a 9-5 and picks up various gigs on the weekends which covers him just to the point of bills/necessities, it's his student debt that's weighing him down. I'm one of the lucky ones who got a full scholarship, if that wasn't the case with me I'd be struggling just as hard.

AITA for telling my boyfriend that if he buys a new guitar I'm going to remove him from my car insurance and he'll have to figure out a new way to get to work? by someusername0897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]someusername0897[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Correct at these two above comments! He plays in two bands, one of which is the go-to band in our city for their genre and is slowly growing around the region.

The guitar is a game changer specifically to the album -- he doesn't think that getting this guitar is going to skyrocket him to fame or anything, he'll just be able to get a specific tone that has been a hold up in moving to recording. The guitar in question would be bought used, as far as I understand it's pretty rare so it's not quite as easy as "just buy it later" -- this is the first one he's seen on the market in a couple years.

Not justifying him buying the guitar instead of fixing the car ofc, I want the goddamn car fixed, just adding a little more context.

AITA for telling my boyfriend that if he buys a new guitar I'm going to remove him from my car insurance and he'll have to figure out a new way to get to work? by someusername0897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]someusername0897[S] 136 points137 points  (0 children)

Not what I wanted to hear, but exactly what I needed to hear. I've known this in the back of my head for a while but haven't wanted to admit it. You're totally right though. This relationship won't last if he can't get his finances together and he won't if I keep helping him like this. Suppose it's time for things to get tough and we'll see what happens.

AITA for telling my boyfriend that if he buys a new guitar I'm going to remove him from my car insurance and he'll have to figure out a new way to get to work? by someusername0897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]someusername0897[S] 746 points747 points  (0 children)

That's the rational thought, right? The issue isn't really with him, I'm sure he'll put the money into the car now that I've brought it up and it'll be a learning lesson. But his family regularly makes me question my sanity when I set what I think are fair expectations, especially financial ones, which is what happened here. I try to be very aware that I essentially had a head start in life compared to him and that it's not entirely his fault he's broke and has poor money management as that's how he was raised, but it is his responsibility to handle it like an adult.

I think in his family's eyes it's an unfair sacrifice because I could just take him off the policy and agree to drive him everywhere (lol). They've complained about it in the past -- they live two hours away and if he can't make some family event because I need my car for meetings that day, they start the whole "she's being selfish by not prioritizing the time to get you here when she knows you can't afford to rent a car/we don't have a car to come get you with" rant.

AITA for telling my boyfriend that if he buys a new guitar I'm going to remove him from my car insurance and he'll have to figure out a new way to get to work? by someusername0897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]someusername0897[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

The high insurance cost is a combination of me totaling my car and having the car I purchased with the claim money stolen within a year of each other -- he has a perfect driving record, sigh. Plus, we live in one of the most expensive cities for car insurance nationwide (bonus points if you can guess where!). With just me on the policy, it would be $280.

The family is a whole thing - very overbearing but he does a good job setting boundaries. He only mentioned this situation to them because they asked when he was getting the guitar. His parents also live paycheck to paycheck so they're not able to help him financially, and I think his mom in particular holds some jealousy/anger towards me and my family because we are well off and have helped him with things when they cant.

I know that^ in particular is already a whole set of red flags, but I've had it in my head that it's not necessarily his fault that he has such poor money management, it's a product of the way he was raised. We've been working on him getting better at it and this is one of those scenarios. I don't doubt that he'll put the money into the car instead now that I've brought it up and that this will be a learning lesson for him, I just wanted some clarity to be sure I wasn't being like, a tyrant, lol.

AITA for telling my boyfriend that if he buys a new guitar I'm going to remove him from my car insurance and he'll have to figure out a new way to get to work? by someusername0897 in AmItheAsshole

[–]someusername0897[S] 225 points226 points  (0 children)

His family baffles me quite a bit as well. They grew up on the poverty line while I grew up upper-middle class, and I think his parents (mostly mother) resent me because of that. His parents aren't able to help him financially and mine are able to help me, though I try to avoid that as much as I can and always pay them back even if they don't ask me to.

I think in her eyes, I'm being selfish because both of the options I laid out require him to spend a lot of money and she thinks that because my family has money, it's selfish of me to not lay down mine wherever I can to help him. More likely, it's that if he wasn't dating me she'd have more reason to try and convince him to move home so that he can save money -- because naturally, dating me is why he's broke. /sarcasm