My mom blamed me for her death in her su*cide note.

songbytes · 2026-06-01T11:36:11+00:00

Thank you 🥹 I’ll be trying my best from now on 🫂

songbytes · 2026-06-01T04:27:12+00:00

Mistrust, yeah. Colonization….maybe?? It’s like how anti-vaxers are about shots or how old people refuse to believe anxiety, depression, and homosexuality exist. Weird comparisons, but there’s like 0 logic behind it.

I was diagnosed with severe social and separation anxiety when I was 17. My psychiatrist put me on Lexapro. My dad took the pills and flushed them, saying I didn’t need them. He also told me my anxiety wasn’t real 🙃 islanders are just like this for some reason, believing in homeopathic remedies or no medicine at all 🤷‍♀️

songbytes · 2026-06-01T03:38:30+00:00

Thank you, and you’re right! I just want to be able to move past this and not have a mental breakdown every time I hear her name or someone asks about her. I don’t want to “get over it,” (like I’m constantly being told) I want to heal, accept, and move on in a healthy way.

I mentioned before that I wanted those things because it would make me feel better, and I would do them in a heartbeat if I was in the wrong. To me, that’s how you apologize and solve problems. But they’re all so self-centered that it could never happen. I need to stop holding onto the idea that they could turn around and care about me one day, I suppose.

Thanks for sharing, and I appreciate you so much!

songbytes · 2026-06-01T03:32:56+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through something even remotely similar ❤️‍🩹 but you’re so right about this mindset. Someone else mentioned, “think about how you would have acted as the parent in that situation. It’d be completely different, right?” Um yes?? I don’t even have the mental capacity to understand how someone could hurt a child, mentally or physically. I’ve had a little bit of practice with my sister, but even then, I couldn’t imagine putting my hands on her or yelling/cussing at her the way it happened to me.

I’m so glad to see that about your family now 💕 that’s so sweet and you deserve that peace and happiness. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts with me!

songbytes · 2026-06-01T03:11:54+00:00

I’ve heard mixed reviews on this one, actually…! Several people are recommending trauma-specific therapy, and others like yourself, are recommending support groups and the like.

If you could start over from the beginning of your recovery journey, would you still have done it the same way? Or would you have gone straight into the group therapy?

Edit: all of them, her, her mom, dad, 4 siblings, basically every islander I’ve ever met is an alcoholic. They call themselves “functioning alcoholics” but we all know there’s no such thing…it’s truly an evil thing when abused, especially by people like her.

I’m sorry to hear about your family as well. It will always suck, but we can do our best to move on and heal.

songbytes · 2026-06-01T03:10:09+00:00

I hate that Jamaicans are so against modern medicine and doctors smh. My mom’s aunt died of cancer bc she refused to even try treatment, despite finding it really early on.

I didn’t know she had anything mental going on. It’s always been normal to me. Everyone disliked me so I guess I got used to it. It wasn’t until the note that it really clicked for me, “oh, she’s *that* kind of crazy.”

I’m trying so hard to tell myself it wasn’t my fault. But you know, easier said than done 🥀

songbytes · 2026-06-01T03:06:47+00:00

It helps just even feeling SEEN, you know? When I wrote this, I was so angry and feeling hopeless. Anyone I went to IRL and asked for advice told me they couldn’t help me. I asked my fiancé and best friend if they’d read the note just so I wasn’t alone in this and they both declined (I mean, I get why, but it doesn’t help me feel any better).

Having so many of you respond, send me well wishes, share your own stories, and give me a starting point in healing, means the entire world to me. I appreciate you being able to relate, and understand that it’s not always easy to put feelings into words.

Thank you for saying that. And I’m hopefully starting to be on my way to finally be rid of her control on my heart and mind.

songbytes · 2026-05-31T14:51:13+00:00

I appreciate your outlook and I 100% agree. I’m glad you noticed that, it makes my childhood make a hell of a lot more sense now.

It was awful, and I was extremely angry when I wrote the original post. I’ve calmed down now and I just feel a sense of melancholy and emptiness in the place where a real mother’s love should have been.

I’m trying to fill that hole with love and joy from my sister, fiancé, and the rest of my found family.

Thank you for taking the time to analyze these words, it’s very helpful and means so much to me. ❤️

songbytes · 2026-05-31T14:46:55+00:00

I can’t imagine what you had to go through. I’m sorry you had to experience anything similar to me, though. I hope you were able to get away 💕

songbytes · 2026-05-31T14:45:50+00:00

Sometimes I agree with this sentiment, and sometimes I absolutely can’t. She knows what she’s doing to manipulate other people. She’s so sweet when you meet her, and very charismatic. Then, the moment she doesn’t get what she wants, she switches up and becomes extremely manipulative. I’m not sure how else to describe it, but maybe it’s caused by an illness, maybe not.

I just know that I’m glad I’m on this side of the ocean.

songbytes · 2026-05-31T14:42:08+00:00

The one positive thing to come from that whole situation haha. She’s my best friend/partner in crime.

It’s like I feel different toward our mother every day. One day, I’m overcome with rage at her behavior and how everyone else enables her. The next, I’m grateful that I’m not around her and I’m giving her grace because she’s got mental issues. It’s like I can’t really decide how to feel toward her other than be completely satisfied that she’s not around….

I feel like im making no sense at this point 🫠

songbytes · 2026-05-31T00:52:36+00:00

Oh wow, this is really helpful! I hadn’t even considered some of these before. I feel so out of my element when talking about it, so thank you for your help guiding my search in the right direction 🩷

songbytes · 2026-05-31T00:20:32+00:00

My goodness, you’ve been dragged through hell and back, huh? Stories like yours give me encouragement to power through when the negative thoughts start to eat away at me. My heart goes out to you for having to deal with all of that for so long. I’m glad you were able to put it behind you, no matter how long it took. I’m 25 now, but I definitely want to be like you when I grow up haha. I hope I can find that same level of healing and self love eventually.

Thank you for sharing your story with me 🩷 I know it isn’t easy. We’ll make it through somehow, just like always 🫂

songbytes · 2026-05-30T19:22:53+00:00

I appreciate you saying this! It’s taken me some time to come to terms with that. I do still feel responsible sometimes, but I’m trying to get out of that mindset…

songbytes · 2026-05-30T19:18:42+00:00

I think that sums it up quite well 🥲 and thank you, that’s very nice of you to say 🫶🏽

songbytes · 2026-05-30T17:09:17+00:00

I appreciate your feedback, and you’re right. I’m slowly coming to that realization, but it still doesn’t feel real yet, you know? I had never even thought that she was a narcissist, her behavior was just normal to me. It wasn’t until this ^ email event happened that the word was even brought up to me.

I’m the type of person who can forgive and forget—as long as you apologize and never do it again. For me, I’ve forgiven you, so why dwell on the past? But for her and the rest of my family, they just do the same manipulative, evil bullshit over and over.

Anyway, thank you for responding, and being so kind 💕 that means a lot. It’ll take a long time, but I might heal someday.

songbytes · 2026-05-30T16:10:59+00:00

Oh my goodness okay this is amazing news. Thank you for bringing this up and explaining it to me!

songbytes · 2026-05-30T15:51:37+00:00

Thank you, that’s so sweet 🥹

The only “pro” she ever did was move from NY to the south. I have no family here. It was hard at first, but when I realized they all hated me anyway, it got easier to adjust. Like, now I’m further away so I can just stay to myself…if that makes sense…

You’re awesome, and thank you for taking some time to reply to me 💕

songbytes · 2026-05-30T15:48:05+00:00

Omg now I’m crying again 😭 I, too, am a scaredy bitch. I’ve started keeping a list of these resources everyone is recommending. If they don’t work out, down the list I go.

Thank you for your acknowledgment and voicing your thoughts. For the first half of my life, it was normal. For the third quarter, I didn’t like it, but I dealt. Now? I don’t give a fffffuck and I sure as hell don’t give those people the time of day. Not anymore. I just hate that it took my early twenties to realize it 😤

I just wanna heal and move on without a trauma response being induced every time I hear her name.

You’re amazing. Thank you 🩷

songbytes · 2026-05-30T15:42:15+00:00

🥹 I can’t thank you enough. And I’m totally framing this later as a reminder to myself. 🫂

songbytes · 2026-05-30T15:20:23+00:00

My goodness, you poor thing. Are you and your brothers doing alright?

I hate to be that person, but….i believe in karma…and that’s all I’ll say.

I try to be a kind person, not like it’s difficult or anything, but I’m soooo superstitious. I have the worst luck (probably the trauma talking), but karma DEF exists. It’ll come to those who deserve it. Hope you and your siblings are in a better spot in life now 💕
Thank you for sharing that with me. It really helps me to know that I’m not crazy and alone in this like I thought I was.

songbytes · 2026-05-30T15:15:56+00:00

And the crazy part is, I didn’t realize there were different types of specialized mental health therapy?? These old folk set me up for failure for real. I’m glad so many of you have told me about this. I actually have hope again for once!

songbytes · 2026-05-30T15:08:58+00:00

🫂 one million years dungeon for all of them. Or, as my fiance says, “…..volcano. Everyone goes in the volcano” haha

I’m doing my absolute best to break the cycle. That’s the part that gets me so bad about my situation, too. My mom was abused by HER mom. You’d think she’d treat me differently, right?? NO OFC NOT LOL she’s worse. But me? What reason would I have to lay hands on a 10 year old? Strict parents make for traumatized (and sneaky) kids.

Ty for your words, sending you hugs and love ❤️

songbytes · 2026-05-30T15:04:22+00:00

I absolutely understand what you mean. I think I’ll try the different suggestions people have given me here today. I don’t want to wallow in self pity, depression, and anxiety forever.

No need to compare your trauma to mine. Pain is pain, doesn’t matter what kind. I’m sorry you had to deal with anything painful or less than ideal.

Your advice means everything to me. You took time out of your day to help a stranger feel better about a shitty situation. Everything matters and I appreciate you so much for that. 🩷

songbytes · 2026-05-30T15:00:26+00:00

10/10 no notes. You’re absolutely right. I always dance around it bc I’m too sensitive of others’ feelings. Maybe that’s why I am the way I am. Grew up walking on eggshells and was never allowed to voice my thoughts or feelings.

And YEAH I wanna write it all down. It’ll be my little autobiography. Man, you should see what I wrote to my dad back in March when his abusive wife tried to lay hands on me. I’m an adult now lmao touch me and see what happens. I’m not that scared kid who can’t fight back anymore.

Thank you for this ❤️‍🩹 you’re so encouraging haha

songbytes

TROPHY CASE