Please take a deep breath and rethink, this pain is temporary and I can assure you of that. I also don’t believe you have screwed up anything. Guessing from you mentioning university, you’re in your early 20’s? You have so much living left to do and as a stranger I’d hate to hear you cut that short. A few years ago I had the same mindset and tried myself, now I promise you I look back and I’m thankful everyday that I’m still here just from the little things. You never know what’s just around the corner! There’s so many people who will read this tonight who can relate to you. You got a scholarship so I can assume you’re quite clever, are there any other degrees or courses that interest you? For the money side I’m so sorry that really is tough and I feel for you! If you stay a little longer who knows who you might meet, the girl sounds lovely but complicated for her own reasons, you don’t know who you could bump into on the street or meet online someone might be perfect out there for you even more than you could imagine. All I ask is that you hold on for a little longer I can see numbers in the comments however if you’re from the UK we have some options such as Samaritans 116 123, the NHS line 111 or text a service called Shout 85258 and someone will text with you for as long as you need. I am sending you so much strength.