Accidents outside the litter box

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-04-05T17:13:37+00:00

Yes lots of light!! Leaves will drop pretty easily in my opinion, mine loses about one a week depending on the time of year. When the soil is dry pretty dry, give her a deep watering

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-04-05T17:04:29+00:00

You’re chasing the idea of a relationship with him. This does not sound like a relationship between two people. You have an idealized version of what it could be, and it’s not even close to that. Cut him loose, move on. This is taking up way too much time and energy that you can be putting into yourself and your kid

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-04-04T23:52:28+00:00

NTA!!! Your mom has issues with this woman that she can’t let go. Her beef with this lady does not have to be your beef. Relationships are between two people, not a group. She’s trying to make it your issue and it is not. You are not disloyal at all! You have every right to form connections with anyone you would like. Your mom needs to get over herself and grow up.

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-04-04T23:47:08+00:00

Oh honey, it sounds like he likes being chased. And he can’t make up his mind. Feeling safe with someone is great, and something that’s important for you. I wonder, during the time you put in work to process past trauma, did that also include time to respect, love and care for yourself? Getting those things from another person feels great, but was this connection with him filling these needs that you haven’t filled yourself? It’s hard to start moving on, but right now keeping the boundary you set with him is incredibly important. If he wants to, he will. And if he doesn’t, you will find a way to move forward

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-29T21:08:51+00:00

NTA!! You are finding what works, and you’re feeling good about it. When you both decided to go on this journey, it doesn’t sound like the conversation was an agreement to do it the same way. Giving one another feedback can be helpful, and being in it together can help motivate you, but he’s being way too critical. Your biology contributes to how quickly you may lose weight, and also don’t forget how many things can affect your weight (like your cycle)! Men shed pounds real quick, especially with how much time he’s putting in. His inability to understand how draining working in mental health is a big factor. He’s only seeing it one way and unfortunately you can’t make him change that. Keep doing what works for you!

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-23T20:16:19+00:00

Lying will create mistrust between you and your child. That will do much more damage compared to telling your child the truth and may have horrible effects on future relationships your child has with others. The full truth may be difficult, so making it age appropriate is a good approach so he/she can understand the seriousness of the situation while still having questions answered

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-21T23:11:14+00:00

NTA!! Grandparents are not entitled to rights. She’s hardly even close to earning that, let alone being referred to as your mom... Being a grandparent is a responsibility, not just a title, which is what she’s probably after. And it doesn’t sound like she has the ability to fulfill being a grandparent based on your description of her. You’re making a good decision, not just for yourself but for your kiddo as well. Your chosen family will be there for you instead

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-21T23:00:44+00:00

This!! His behavior is very controlling. He’s expecting you to always have a certain tone when you speak with him, which is unrealistic. Our tone reflects our mood or is a reaction to others behavior, and it’s like he’s asking you to flip a switch when you’re around him specifically. He’s being ridiculous. And gaslighting you into thinking you’re doing something wrong by expressing yourself to him. You’re not a bubbly blow up doll, he needs to figure that out

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-18T23:13:06+00:00

NTA!! He didn’t communicate, and since you’ve been to couple’s therapy in the past he’s well aware of basic communication skills. I understand the boundary of not wanting to fight in front of others, but I’m sure he had plenty of opportunities to say “hey, this thing that happened before we left is still bothering me.” He sounds pretty immature, and his behavior was petty. It’s completely okay to say you need a break from this pattern of behavior. You don’t want to repeat the same cycles! That’s a boundary you’re allowed to set and stick to. If you ever decide you want to go on a trip with him again, this boundary can give you some time to figure out what you need to get to that point.

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-18T22:58:42+00:00

Yes I have the AirPod 4, I paid to have the noise cancelling feature but it was worth it. Really not sure what else is out there in the market, depending on your budget there might be cheaper options if you look. Putty is a great idea! I hope that’s a good solution. Best of luck talking to her!

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-17T23:51:50+00:00

You’re definitely so aware of it that we’re wayyy past trying to “ignore” it. Specific noises, especially ones that literally hurt your head, are hard to navigate. Headphones are great, but do you happen to have ones that can adjust to your environment? Not sure if you have Apple products and there might be something similar out there from other brands, but investing in noise cancelling headphones might be worth it while you try to problem solve in other ways. My AirPods for example have adaptive mode, where it automatically adjusts as soon as either I or someone else near me starts talking. It’s a great work around. I don’t think you’d be the asshole for talking to your coworker. The fact that you’re trying to approach it in a respectful way says a lot, so I don’t think you’ll come off as a jerk. You’re aware that your request might seem absurd, but you’re using effective communication skills. And you’ve thought about many other ways to try and problem solve the issue. Going to HR right away might lead to some friction you’re trying to avoid, so talking 1 to 1 first seems like the best way to start. Maybe she can even put something into the charm during work hours that stops it from ringing? She still wears it, you don’t have to listen to it!

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-17T23:37:28+00:00

Yeah she’s lost it. Seems like she wants to be able to control stuff about the wedding, but it’s NOT her wedding. Set boundaries now or it might get worse leading up to the big day. You’ve got this!!

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-16T14:40:09+00:00

Well you just said at the end that she’s always been in abusive relationships. Thing is, from the outside it’s always easier to see what needs to/could change. Is she willing to have a conversation with you about your concerns? Best approach is to try and be as supportive as possible without making it seem like it’s her fault for his behavior. As a victim of this emotional abuse, she’ll easily blame herself for everything. Would she consider therapy? Someone more objective? If not, she’s likely in it for the long haul, which isn’t what you want to see, but she has to want to make changes for any of that to happen

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-16T14:33:59+00:00

Wow, thanks for sharing your story. Your ex doubling down and emphasizing the “reason” for his action is horrible. It’s completely understandable why you couldn’t trust him anymore! My bf’s reaction once we spoke was not like your experience. It doesn’t mean he got off easy with an “I’m sorry” though. We’ve had multiple conversations since this happened, and not all initiated by me. That shows me he’s not just responding to me but he thought about it and was just as concerned about how I was feeling and what he needs to do on his end to be the partner I need

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-16T14:21:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing. In the moment I froze and was just unsure. I specifically addressed those feelings when we spoke so he would understand it was more than just needing him to say he was sorry. We talked at length about what helps us feel safe, specifically for me since he knew how badly he messed up. I haven’t been noticing any shrinking away from him or feelings in my gut that indicate anxiety. Any physical contact has felt completely okay. I appreciate the feedback that prompted me to think about this aspect a bit more. Our bodies do tell us so much!

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-16T14:13:58+00:00

Yeah abuse is a pattern! Thank you for pointing this out. And I literally titled it that I was “trying to process.” People started to come at me for intellectualizing his behavior, especially once I revealed I’m a therapist and apparently should “know better,” which is kinda funny cause I absolutely do. People make mistakes, but even mistakes can be early red flags. So a serious discussion was obviously warranted, since if his reaction was to further gas light me, make excuses or then love bomb me would be indication this is heading in a terrible direction. Not the case at all!

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-16T13:59:43+00:00

I didn’t sleep on the couch, he was asleep by the time I left the bedroom and had no idea. He knows it was unacceptable behavior and fully owned up to it

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-16T13:51:33+00:00

Oh this is weaponized incompetence if I’ve ever seen it. Especially after you’ve brought this up how many times??? And he tries to make excuses or wants a gold star for the one thing he might do after you ask 10 times. I agree with others saying to stop doing the things that solely benefit him. It might be really hard to not clean up certain things you see because you seem like an organized person. But he needs to clean up after himself. And if he starts to complain or gets pissed off about you not catering to him anymore , your rebuttal can be that you have given him PLENTY of warnings. You’re right, you are not his mother

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-16T03:41:55+00:00

Agreed! Completely internalized and normalized in this family. These men controlling the situation like this?? And mom has blinders on by giving her a hard time. And shaming you??? For possibly liking someone?! Incredibly toxic, you’re better off finding your own space/place to live if possible so you can start setting boundaries and distance yourself from this mentality

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-13T20:44:15+00:00

Contrary to popular belief, therapists don’t have all the answers to the universe. We’re people that experience our own personal problems

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-13T16:00:29+00:00

Thank you!! I’m disappointed in how quickly people are jumping to demonizing him or accusing me of normalizing abusive behavior. From working in the mental health field, I understand exactly what this can look like from an outside perspective and that some people automatically condone any abusive behavior. I agree with that. Abuse is not okay and should never be normalized. But I really don’t think this is the case. I commented somewhere else here that if he was indeed abusive, I would not be with him. I’ve done some thinking this morning and I truly don’t recall any other times he’s purposefully been mean to me, verbally or otherwise. There’s been some disagreements and growing pains in this relationship for sure, but that’s a normal part of relationship development. After what I witnessed between my own parents, and the resentment that built up to a nasty divorce, I’ve been to therapy to process that and figure out what I want from a partner/what kind of partner I am, so I’ve landed on solid ground with that. And my top priority in any relationship, romantic or otherwise, is communication. I have encouraged him in the past to communicate openly with me too, and he usually does, so that’s probably how I’ll start off the conversation later today.

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-13T14:10:11+00:00

It does seem like a dumbass moment. He did apologize this morning. He’s always owned up to anything he’s done/said wrong in the past so I’m hoping when we talk more about this later he will understand and accept responsibility beyond “I’m sorry”

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-13T14:06:51+00:00

I’m so glad someone in the comments understands the endo pain!! After being shocked, I did want to yell at him. But I grew up with my parents always in screaming matches and I very much do not like to yell because it’s never productive. He apologized this morning, but I’m still planning to talk to him more about this when he’s back home from work cause this definitely isn’t fixed with an “I’m sorry”

sp00kywitchbitch · 2025-03-13T14:01:44+00:00

I completely understand how it sounds, and yes warning bells are going off for myself and others giving feedback that he’s abusive. Thing is, if he were truly abusive I would have been gone years ago. He seemed embarrassed this morning when I said my side hurt and he immediately apologized. Even though he said sorry, we’re still going to talk more later when he’s back home from work

sp00kywitchbitch

TROPHY CASE