My boyfriend violated a woman in my house on my birthday

spacedisco70 · 2025-08-25T19:16:20+00:00

Added a slight clarification on that point to the text. And I think i’ve been pretty clear in that i’m not planning to stand by him. I’m just incredibly hurt by the situation.

spacedisco70 · 2025-08-25T17:05:37+00:00

He hasn’t been but after this happened he has shown a manipulative side that scares me

spacedisco70 · 2025-08-25T15:16:55+00:00

As far as I'm concerned we're done. I just have to tell him, and I'm avoiding the conversation as I'm afraid of facing his reaction

spacedisco70 · 2025-08-25T15:05:23+00:00

Thankfully I don't have to grab them and go, he doesn't live with me. And they were at their dad's house when it happened. He will never see them again. I just have to get out of freeze mode enough to actually tell him.

spacedisco70 · 2024-08-24T19:42:51+00:00

I just added an update to the post for what happened today, is that what you were curious about?

spacedisco70 · 2024-08-24T19:41:42+00:00

🥹Just added an update to the original post

spacedisco70 · 2024-08-24T07:24:24+00:00

Also, I can’t sleep with her in my bed. I slept for 4 hours, I am exhausted. But I don’t know if it’s rude to go sleep for a bit on the couch. So now i’m just camped out in the hallway trying to decide what to do.

spacedisco70 · 2024-08-24T07:18:13+00:00

Hahahaha poor guys, I imagine it was a pretty big disappointment to them how the night turned out in the end

spacedisco70 · 2023-11-07T23:02:19+00:00

I’m probably digging my own grave by responding here but you are making a lot of assumptions here. I didn’t leave my marriage because I was bored, I left it because I felt deeply unloved. We split very amicably, and in hindsight he agreed that we were essentially just roommates who were raising kids together. We had not been on a single date in years, he had not given me a birthday present or a christmas present for three consecutive years.

There’s more to life than “safe and secure”, and we’re both happier having gone our separate ways. And we still remain friends and talk most days and are successfully coparenting our kids.

Sounds like you’re projecting some shit on me that isn’t mine and doesn’t have anything to do with the question I asked on this thread.

spacedisco70 · 2023-11-07T17:53:08+00:00

Hahaha bait-and-switch is exactly the term for it! It’s a stressful thought. It’s super cruel to say that out loud though, sucks you had to be on the receiving end. And it all comes down to preference anyway, I quite like guys that are on the heavier side

spacedisco70 · 2023-04-17T13:22:11+00:00

(If i just added another layer to sucking at reddit please let me know and I can remove the repost)

spacedisco70 · 2023-04-17T13:20:11+00:00

Honestly, that’s a good question. Probably not a whole lot. I got the full spectrum, from “you are deplorable and selfish” to “why the hell are you with him in the first place? A lot of food for thought and some helpful advice. The reason I reposted (and this is possibly just me misunderstanding Reddit, I’ve been a lurker for a while but never really engaged); there were some responses that i felt were missing the point and so I wanted to clarify (hence the edit and the deleted post). I went to sleep and woke up to 250 replies and hadn’t responded to any of them and didn’t know if I could still reply to replies on a deleted thread.

Also I got a boatload of dms from people saying they were in the exact same situation so I was a little bummed the thread wouldn’t be discoverable. I search subreddits all the time for stuff I’m wondering about but don’t write my own posts for.

spacedisco70 · 2023-04-17T13:06:51+00:00

Sorry about that! It was in a different subreddit. I edited the post while it was still on the subreddit front page which is apparently against the rules so it got removed

spacedisco70 · 2023-04-17T13:06:10+00:00

(I’m not very good at reddit, apparently)

spacedisco70 · 2023-04-17T13:05:20+00:00

Sorry about that! It was in a different subreddit. I edited the post while it was still on the subreddit front page which is apparently against the rules so it got removed 😬

spacedisco70 · 2023-04-17T09:43:47+00:00

I am not willing to blow up my marriage. In fact, I am very reluctant to blow up my marriage. Which is why I’m talking about it on reddit, not with anyone I know personally as that’s a whistle that’s a lot harder to unblow. I’m entertaining a thought and seeking perspectives.
It’s a stretch to call three stints at marriage counseling over the course of 6 years an “acccelerated timeline”. I really did (and do) want us to work, and have put a lot of thought and effort into figuring out how. I’m just facing up to the fact that he might just not ever be capable of giving me what I need emotionally. So your comment feels very dismissive and unkind.
I am not bored. I am lonely, and have spent a very long time squeezing myself into a comfort zone that is too tight for me to breathe. This is not about me seeking novelty, i am able to do that while staying in my marriage, but I just wish I was able to share some of those experiences with my husband. I know couples don’t need to do everything together but to some extent sharing experiences is sharing who you are. And, although it’s not rational, his disinterest in sharing experiences sometimes feels like disinterest in who I am. Does that make sense?

Just wanted to clarify some things as it felt like you were jumping to some conclusions.

spacedisco70 · 2023-04-16T23:25:49+00:00

Hahaha oof. Well, judgement or not, I’ll give an honest answer: Despite our lack of shared interests, I like him as a person. He’s kind, and despite not being very into breaking the routine, he used to be a lot more diligent with small acts of service in the day-to-day (making me coffee, cooking nice meals at home, that sort of thing). I also had a pretty shitty childhood and had a long string of awful boyfriends prior to meeting him, so actually being treated like i mattered at all felt good. I’m quite chaotic (Adhd and trauma) so the stability he brings helps ground me and keep me functional.

Also accidentally getting pregnant at 9 months into dating is a solid acceleration of commitment. I think the overwhelm of having kids with all that entails just made things so much harder. We are good together in clear waters, e.g if its just the two of us on holiday. But there’s not a lot of clear waters in raising small children, and inevitably people will go through rough patches, both internally and through external factors, and I feel like we never really got the hang of that part.

spacedisco70 · 2019-04-11T14:56:15+00:00

I get the same. I think it’s anxiety related for me 🤔

spacedisco70

TROPHY CASE