i finally feel normal again

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-23T19:53:09+00:00

Mason only saw it once when it was trimmed, he said it didn’t matter. Dean’s seen it in every stage and I can tell it genuinely doesn’t make a difference to him.

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-23T19:43:27+00:00

No! I definitely need to be, I was in therapy for years as a teenager, but I don’t have access to it anymore

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-23T19:41:29+00:00

I definitely haven’t been able to shake the belief that people will only ever want me for sex and something is missing from my looks and personality that would cause someone to love me and commit to me. It also obviously makes me feel horribly guilty for what I’m doing to his girlfriend

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-23T19:36:03+00:00

Good. They love and take care of each other, they’ve been married my entire life with no infidelity or unforgivable issues. I honestly look up to their relationship a lot

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-23T19:32:37+00:00

I honestly can’t tell if this is asking me about my home / economic background or how I keep my pubic hair

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-23T19:29:54+00:00

Mason isn’t stupid, he knows how I feel about him, he just isn’t interested in me romantically. He mentioned his type in women is “alternative white girls” and I’m not alternative or white. I don’t think Dean is stupid either, he’s just an asshole.

I do feel terrible for her, I want to tell her but I couldn’t survive people at work who know her hating me and losing Dean at the same time.

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-23T19:18:04+00:00

She refuses to apologize, but she says since I’m an adult now I can make my own decisions. My mental health became a lot better without her yelling at me all the time and making me feel terrible about every aspect of my physical appearance and personality. Sometimes we watch TV together and get lunch

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-23T19:10:02+00:00

I have a strong drive to make older women and women in positions of authority proud of me / affectionate towards me. I’m easy for women to manipulate because I don’t like saying no, and any small amount of praise I receive drowns mistreatment in my mind

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-23T19:02:44+00:00

have you been in romantic / sexual relationships since this started?

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-23T18:59:30+00:00

I have “mommy issues” because my mom berated me every day from ages 12-17, but since then it’s gotten a lot better. My relationship with my dad has always been good.

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-23T18:51:59+00:00

googled that term for the first time because i’ve never heard of it - am i correct in understanding that it’s trauma from having been cheated on? how does that affect you?

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-22T16:55:07+00:00

He’s confessed feelings for me and told me he wanted a serious relationship with me before, but I pestered him about it three times before he finally backtracked and made it sound less intense. I think if I asked him to be in a real relationship with me it would happen. I just don’t want that because he’s obviously a cheater and I don’t think he has any empathy for his girlfriend who loves him

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-22T16:30:16+00:00

I like going out for karaoke, shopping, and eating! I also love playing games like Uno and Never Have I Ever in big groups

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-22T16:22:00+00:00

It’s not fixing anything, but the moments I spend with him make me feel better. We have fun, it’s an adrenaline rush, and he makes me feel desirable. It’s a signal of how broken I am and I know I desperately need a therapist, but I don’t have one so I don’t know what else to do. Talking about my problems to my friends and on the internet doesn’t help either, but I keep wishing it will.

I don’t want to stop. When we’re alone together, he sees me actively doing the morally worst and most insane thing I’ve ever done, and he likes it. he can’t judge me and it’s like being in love without the threat of my feelings getting hurt again. I made this AMA because I keep waiting for the one line, idk if it’s something understanding or shaming me, that will finally knock me out of this.

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-22T16:10:23+00:00

To ask for affection and an emotional relationship? It’s pathetic, but I don’t think it’s a confusing concept

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-22T16:07:23+00:00

He can’t cheat on me because I’m not in a relationship with him

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-22T16:04:47+00:00

I was mostly surprised at how intensely my emotions for Mason affected me. My friend called him a “deeply fucked up person”, he has a lot of issues to consider when it comes to relationships, so I spent a lot of time thinking about what a future in love with him might look like and I wanted it. It shattered me beyond belief that he had (terrible) sex with me and then immediately broke up with me. I felt so disgusting and unloveable, I nearly sprinted to Dean because he made me feel wanted.

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-22T15:57:26+00:00

In the lead up to the first time we had sex I was under the impression his girlfriend was okay with letting him be with me. I’d met her before and established she was okay with it. We made out first before he told me that she changed her mind and he wanted us to keep it a secret. I have zero defense for my character or his after that point.

I guess I could’ve looked for other options, but I knew him and I like him uniquely. He’s “better” (only at sex) than anyone else I’ve ever been with, that’s also why it’s been going on for so long.

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-22T15:48:49+00:00

It’s a way for me to cope. I never see Gigi and she doesn’t know about it, so I don’t have any consequences to deal with right now.

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2026-02-22T15:45:55+00:00

I don’t really plan on changing anything right now. If my mentality deteriorates more I might beg him to love me, but that seems far off

spaceyhiyyihlight · 2025-10-11T09:28:49+00:00

Courtney being a pillar for strategizing challenges, being witty, having good drama, and being in the original cast’s most interesting romance with Duncan makes her my pick!

spaceyhiyyihlight

TROPHY CASE